I’ve been watching a lot of Smallville in the last few months and this show has reminded me how much I love Superman. I used to watch SuperFriends when I was a kid and that’s where it started, when that first thought of what would you do if you had those powers. As a kid you just play around or with toys and pretend what it is you would do if you had powers and as a kid of course you would obviously fight bad guys but getting older is another thing.(Nobody wants to see you run around in your underwear and a towel) When your getting older you still think it would be cool to fight bad guys, that’s why some people become cops, but then you start thinking of all the other possibilities of having super powers(I see swimming pools full of ice cream). It would feel great to finally give someone something they deserve or to take a punch without having to worry about it.
I really hadn’t thought about it in a while until I started watching Smallville and how Clark Kent handled his powers. While sitting down and watching the show I would get lost in my own head about what I would be doing if I had all the same powers as Superman(I want you to picture an overweight guy for this adventure). These are my Imaginary Exploits of being a superhero because of my Societal Deprivation.
I’m waking up before school (high school is where Smallville started out) laying in my bed with a smile on my face because I’m different and its OK because I help people. Getting ready takes about 3 minutes because I like to take my time even though I’m using my superspeed. Breakfast is waiting for me in the microwave but who needs a microwave when you have heat vision, warm it up and sit down and watch some cartoons before school, why, because I have time.
Everyone is hanging out in front of the school so I walk through the people and when I walk in front of the where the popular kids hang out, one of them is wearing his maroon and grey letter jacket for football. He is telling his football friends a football story and as I try to keep my head down and walk behind him, his arm reaches back simulating a football throw and elbows me in the face. In a split second reaction I fall to the ground pretending I was hurt and he turns around to see me on the ground. He then looks at his elbow and sees that my tooth ripped his jacket,” you stupid bastard you ripped my jacket”
“yea well you hit me in the mouth” I say back. The football guy cocks his arm back getting ready to hit me in the face when she grabs him.
“Leave him alone you jerk” she said, “are you OK”
“yeah I’m fine” I stumble over my words and try to figure out why she helped me. Her name is Sally and she always says hi to me in the hall but I have never had the nerve to talk to her. I get up and dust myself off and keep walking towards my friends.
“alright well see ya” she says as she walks back to her friends that seem to be with the rest of the popular kids. She looks back at me and fixes her hair behind her ear with her left hand but as her face peeks out from behind her hand she smiles at me. The bell rings to go to class, everyone goes in except for Zack, the guy that elbowed me, and Sally. Zack has Sally by the arm and is yelling at her, I can hear what they are saying and its about how she helped me. He shoves her against the wall of the school with his left hand and with the other he begins to backhands her across the face.
Everything stops moving, I will not let this happen, I use my super speed to run up to them and I pull him away from her and I take him to the alley. I want to kill him but I take his right hand in mine and I crush it until it feels like pudding in my hand, I make it a point to make sure every bone in that hand is at least broken once. (thank goodness for x-ray vision) As icing on the cake I also take his shoes tie them together and throw them on the power lines. I need to get back to class so I superspeed to my first class and leave him alone with his decisions.
Fast Forward to being an adult. I need to get a job but I need something inconspicuous. How about a UPS driver that would be great because I could make all my deliveries in a split second but that’s not good enough. Clark Kent was a reporter how about that….. Nah I cant write very well.(thank you very much) Well duh how about a police man, I would never have to explain why I was first on the scene and I wouldn’t even need a costume change, I could just put on a mask whenever I used my powers. I should mention that Sally is the secretary at the police station and is still single.(shut up its only a coincidence in real life this is a daydream baby)
“Calling all cars, calling all cars, there is a 10-60 on the west side of Dollarville, need all available units” 10-60 is a bank robbery, that’s my cue. I step out of my car, put on my ski mask(costumes are kind of dumb when you start to picture yourself in one) and fly above the bank and x-ray into the building to see 4 guys with big guns and about 10 innocent people. I use my superspeed to get into the bank and all 4 robbers are in the vault. When I get in the vault I push all four of them against the wall with 1 swoop and when they hit the wall all 4 of them shatter into little pieces. They’re fake, it’s a trap.
Boom. The door closes behind me and the safety deposit box right in front of me swings open. I look in it, it’s a piece of Kryptonite.(yup its my weakness what a surprise) I fall to my knees and a voice comes over the speaker, “Welcome Peace Keeper, your hour of death is here and no one can help you!!”
That’s it for now boys and girls be sure to stay tuned for next weeks episode. Same bat time same bat channel.