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Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why Is Having Kids A Good Idea?

I have never understood why having kids is a good idea. I don’t mean the act of making the kids, that just kind of its own reward. I mean like those people on TV that Pride themselves on creating a herd of children. Maybe its just me but the creation of children seems like the most self centered thing you can do. Its like thinking your so great there just has to be more of you. At the core of every person that has children by choice must believe this on some level. I have been trying to figure this one out for years now, it leaves me speechless but out of courtesy I still say congratulations whenever someone tells me that they’re pregnant without tears in their eyes.

I believe the coming water shortage is directly connected to children, or more specifically the amount of people on the earth. Its simple, people are made of water and the more people you have the less water is going to be available. See, kids are making me thirsty and my lawn ugly. I don’t think we should take it out on kids but on the parents of kids that don’t contribute to society. If your kid becomes a stripper then you should get punched in the face and be given all the diseases your stripper kid has. If your kid becomes a teacher then that’s when the government should give you a bit of a kickback for making the world a better place. But if your kid becomes a criminal, then you both get the death penalty for wasting so much precious water.

I always thought I didn’t like kids until one day when I saw a rowdy kid get slapped. I thought it would satisfy me but the thing I learned is that I don’t dislike kids I dislike stupid adults that feel the need to reproduce.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

It Takes Money To Make Money- How I Hate You, Phrase

I take offense to this. It is as dismissive as it is true. Sure it does take money to make money but that also dismisses the idea that you can be creative enough to come up with a system to literally make something out of nothing. I have always hated that phrase because one of my favorite things is to come up with creative solutions to problems. I don’t try to think different than other people, as I found out when I was a kid, I just think different than other people.

It is true that you need money to make money but it seems like a phrase made to discourage the small hustler that only has creativity as an asset. A good designer sometimes will only need a piece of paper and a pencil to get started, and you can borrow those. I don’t like to dismiss the creative because its easy to dismiss anyone as crazy but you need to look at what makes them crazy. Its hard to anticipate anything if it’s new.

My favorite context of this phrase is always from the unbelievers. The people that think money, not action, are what make things happen. It becomes a catch all phrase to discourage someone that has the courage and balls to act and not just accept his circumstances in life.

Starting out broke might take longer but its always worth it in the end…. I hope.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Somebody Jacked Up My MailBox

I went outside my house the other day and found my mailbox open, crunched on one side and tilted to the left. I was home all day and I didn’t hear anything. This frustrates the hell out of me, no one elses mailbox was jacked up. It just reminded me how much my neighbors suck and how much I want a natural disaster to hit their houses only.

I mean honestly if your going to be a drug dealer at least be a little considerate to the people that don’t turn you in. They just sit outside on their porch as people pull up and pull away. I hope they make meth because I want that house to burn down. Sadly I don’t think that’s the case, I would be happy with spontaneous human combustion. Just the thought of SHC makes me smile a little.

I even tried to fix it but the door just hangs there like a boob that has never seen a bra in its life. It just hung there so sad ripped off one of the hinges like a baby torn from its mother arms. It angers me but what can you do except set up a camera but I’m not gonna do that….yet.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Why Do You Think I’m Gay, Netflix?

I have recently subscribed to Netflix and I got to say its awesome. I have been streaming movies on my Xbox 360, which is the only thing I’ve really used it for because of my anger management issues when it come to playing video games, and they don’t have the latest stuff but they have movies you might have never heard of that are some of the best movies you have ever seen. I have to confess one day I just sat there with my bag of Cheetos and just let Netflix please my eyes and ear holes. That’s when I started to notice not only is Netflix my new Bestie but its suggest movies that I might like. My inner child was so happy to finally have a friend that understood me.

Time and time again Netflix proved itself as the only one that could nurture my inner child. Then it happened, the Gay and Lesbian Movies title appeared on my list. “What the hell Netflix, I thought you understood me.” My best friend had now just implied that I might be gay, that’s an accusation that our friendship just might not be able to survive. But Netflix hasn’t been wrong so far, is there a possibility that Netflix might be right again? Then I finally watched Black Snake Moan, Christina Ricci boobs answered that question fast, Netflix was wrong.

So why did Netflix make that suggestion after all, I think I finally know. I had watched about 3 movies with where the subjects were gay, seems like I should have know but I didn’t…. I’ll explain. Chasing Amy is a Kevin Smith movie that I had never seen, I love Kevin Smith movies. Howl is a movie about the trial and a graphic depiction of the poem written by Allen Ginsberg, didn’t know that guy was gay. Fall From Grace is a documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church and it turns out they hate the gays. So Netflix didn’t think I was gay, Netflix just thinks that gay people are fascinating. Netflix you might be right about that…. Netflix you wily bastard.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because I’m Back

In my opinion he must have had a blog to do. Damn, never thought it would be so hard to come up with something almost every day. I would like to apologize to anyone who read this thing on a regular basis but I got burned out, Hard. The good news is that it gave me lots of time to think, so…. I’m Back. The blog may not be updated every day but it will be updated 3 to 4 times a week. Strap on your seatbelts because this is going to be a strange and somewhat disturbing ride at times…… take a ride with Mr. Willy on the Smelly Finger Van and most importantly, don’t tell your parents!!