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Monday, October 17, 2011

Funniest Cartoons- The Brak Show


I will be sharing some of my favorite cartoons that made me laugh the hardest starting with one of my favorites, The Brak Show.  Brak was part of the Space Ghost cartoon back in the day and then reappeared on Cartoon Networks Space Ghost Coast to Coast. 
He was so hilarious on that show that he was given his own show. While this show was on the air I only happened to catch it once or twice but it made such an impact on me I had to buy the dvds. This show had me peeing my pants in no time and I’m certain it will get you too.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Thoughts In A Wal-Mart Part 2

Walking into a Wal-Mart has got to be what its like to trudge your way through a post apocalyptic wasteland. I picture myself like Denzel Washington in the book of Eli every time I walk into a that horrible place. Here are a few thoughts.

“Ugh here we go again” “what are you looking at fat guys can be in the fruit aisle too” “what an ugly baby” “I never thought I would see a baby whose life would be improved by being dropped” “why do people look at me funny when I wear my Green Lantern shirt” “I wish I had a green lantern ring, I would use it to make a basket to carry all of my stuff but it would be like a chariot” “why does shopping here feel like I’m kicking human rights right in the balls”

One of my trips to Wal-Mart is never complete until I get to the toy aisle.

“here we go, lets see what transformers they have” “what the hell is up with these prices since I was a kid” “what are you looking at kid I can look at transformers too” “toy aisles are the best place to fart” “bombs away kid, enjoy” “I bet I look like a retard in the toy aisle with my Green Lantern shirt” “uh oh I’m feeling self conscious I think its time to go”

Monday, October 10, 2011

Thoughts In A Wal-Mart

There is almost nothing more depressing than walking through a Wal-Mart if you still cling to hope like a turd to a butt hair. The only other place that such sadness should exist is in the hours after a nuclear attack. Everyone trudges through the aisles of Wal-Mart with only survival on their minds because it isn’t a place you go when your in a hurry.

The following is a series of thoughts walking during a Wal-Mart experience.

“why is there never a place to park in this horrible wasteland” “haha look tube top at 2 o’clock with a 5 o’clock shadow” “why cant I grow hair like her” “can you slit your wrist with an electric razor” “I wonder if she ever got a razor for Christmas and didn’t understand why” “Maybe I should get a jump on Christmas shopping while I’m here” “ oh theres a spot next to that huge truck’ “I always heard big trucks mean small penises” “is the same true for mini trucks” “do I need a basket or should I just kill myself with a rope I find inside” “a lady with a baby next to the door, she must be waiting for her baby daddy” “can you put baby daddy on a resume” “ baby daddy sounds like a guy that started having kids way too early” “my feet hurt” “is it finally gonna happen” “is this the day that I finally start using the scooter” “its an energy saver but I could never look myself in the mirror” “who needs a mirror when you have a scooter” “sorry scooter not today”

To be continued…..

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Pedophile Holidays Are Coming

I was staring at my neighbors through the blinds I began to think about the upcoming holiday. Halloween was an awesome holiday when I could go around to the neighbors houses and ask for candy even if I didn’t have a costume, because we were poor and cheap. But that happened until my parents remembered that we were poor and lived in a bad neighborhood. They finally woke up to the idea of playing Pedophile Russian roulette with all the houses around us. It just seemed like a bad idea walking around from drug dealer house to drug dealer house in the dark hoping they don’t let their fighting dogs out to kill my whole family. I remember going trick or treating 1 time and I was kind of bitter about that we didn’t do it more until I sat down and thought about it.

Halloween has got to be one of the creepiest holidays that there are, not only in the childhood story ways of scaring your kids. Other than the occult viewpoint of the holiday, the scare stories started with the old razor in the candy and that only happened in an isolated incident. But Halloween is a holiday where everyone gets to practice pedophile marketing. You have to let the kiddies know that there is candy in your house and it’s the kind they like….. isn’t that what pedophiles do all year round. Even this new idea of Trunk or Treat is a horrible idea, you don’t need to create the positive link of candy and your SUV. Once again this is something that pedophiles try to do all the time. Halloween should be a fun holiday but there is no real way to get candy from strangers without letting your kids think its OK to get candy from strangers.

I just need to make a quick mention of Christmas for parents, stop letting your kid sit on Santas lap. Kids are not stupid there is a reason they cry. Uncle Grabby Hands wants to be Santa because it’s the easiest way to get kids to sit on his boner. Its even worse than Halloween because free candy is cool but free toys are really awesome. As an adult I would still sit on Santas lap if I was guaranteed some toys. I’m not gay but some free toys is worth a small crying session…. Well at least to me.

So the moral of the story is….. you cant win when it comes to your kids, Good Luck Parents!!!!

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Your Not The Hero Of Your Story

“I am the villain of the story”- Lex Luthor

“Well, as far as brains go, I got the lion's share. But, when it comes to brute strength ...I'm afraid I'm at the shallow end of the gene pool.” - Scar

We all like to believe that we are the Hero character in the movie of our life. The more I think about it the more I think we‘re not. In a typical movie the Hero character has to battle for a cause whether it’s the love of a woman/man or its against evil the typical ending is riding off into the sunset after winning or giving his life so everyone else can live happily ever after….. What a bunch of crap, my life isn’t like that at all.

As a culture this mentality gets engrained in us from a very young age with cartoons and all the garbage that disney pushes down your kids throat. I believe that’s why it is so hard for people to be generous and giving. Why should they have to be generous and giving because if you were the hero of your story like they are of their story you would have plenty already. Certain religions and feel good morons try to tell you the same thing that being good brings you good things. So if that is how certain knuckle draggers see the world its no wonder there can be a feeling of hate towards the poor.

The most appealing thing about the hero is that they don’t have to be smart…. That means anybody can be a hero. You just need to be brave, usually a little short sighted, and, the number one ability, you need to look like a hero. Take a look at tv and the movies when have you ever seen an ugly hero…. Almost never unless they are an antihero. Go ahead, think of an ugly icon in America, there are not many. When a government can call someone a terrorist and do whatever they like with them, that’s short sighted. A few years after Alexander the Greats death his empire had to endure more or less 40 years of civil war… was Alexander a hero to his people, you don’t get the title “the Great” because your not, but was he short sighted, maybe.

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not saying everyone else is evil or a villain. I’m just saying if you take a good look at your life your going to find that there is more of a chance that you are the Joker rather than Batman. I have been thinking about this for a while and I compare myself to the Lion King. Like everyone else you either see yourself in the Mufasa role or the Simba role. But thinking about it I most identified with the Scar character. I don’t think that I’m a slime ball or anything but like him I’m not the first born, I have no kids, and I’m single. The similarities don’t stop there, I tend to make friends with outsiders because they’re more interesting than the regular people.

Mufasa fit’s the hero role, he’s good lookin, brave, and not too bright. Scar was able to create a whole plot to kill Mufasa and banish his son. I actually thought that was a pretty good plan, not that I would ever do it but it was pretty good. What I think is most funny is Scar represents the nobodies taking their shot to be a somebody and its vilified. But the disconcerting thing about it is I identified with the villain rather than the hero. Sometimes your not the king, sometimes you’re the person that dethrones him.

This is actually why Christianity has always been appealing to me but very rarely “Christians.” A shallow understanding of the bible can lead to all sorts or things…. Like Mormonism. But Christianity grants two face people the opportunity that they crave and that is to show off their holier than thou face. And in most cases in order for me to be good you must be Bad. A solid understanding of the bibles teachings show you than your not the hero, Jesus is. The devils partner in crime is you and Jesus is the Hero of your story. Real Christianity is simple like that.

Jesus Christ as the Hero is perfect because He's not the typical hero. He’s not brave in the sense that he will beat up some bad guys, he’s not handsome but more average looking(don’t believe the paintings), and unlike most heroes he is really really smart(stumping the scholars of his day with his questions). Now that is my kind of Hero.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

How To Tell A Joke

Telling a joke is easy, its math. 1+1=2 what that means is you need a premise, set up and then punch line.

All you need to know is what all those things mean and then you will be on your way to telling funny jokes all the time. First a premise is just the basic idea of the joke kind of like a subject. For example yo momma is so fat…… the premise to any of these jokes obviously yo momma being fat and how fat yo momma is.

Next is the set up. The set up is much like misdirection in magic. Like the previous example yo momma is so fat……. This is the entire set up before you get to the end. The set up sets up the audience to expect to go one way right before you go another. If done correctly a set up should be invisible and just sound like a story. In my opinion the set up should always be as short as possible and if it drags too long you can lose the laugh.

Last but not least is the punch line. The punch line is the is the sex of the joke, its what all the dates are for. The punch line is why the audience should laugh. The reason the curve ball is so successful in baseball is because it is structured like a joke. The batter sees the ball coming down straight and at the last second the ball curves off and the batter strikes out. The punch line is the where the joke curves off unexpectedly and the result is the laugh.

If the punch line is the sex that would make the laugh the orgasm. There is no good joke that doesn’t at some point get a laugh. A joke without a laugh is just a thought that should be forgotten. The whole reason for being for a joke is the laugh. Keep writing until you get a laugh.

Guy goes to the proctologist. Proctologist says, “I’m sorry but you have a growth that I’m really worried about” guy says, “that’s my nose, get your fingers out of my mouth”

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

Business Inspirations- Charles “Mask” Lewis -“Simply Believe”

“The fact that your mind is limited, doesn’t limit me.”

There is one guy that I have seen that wasn’t out to make money with motivation, not directly. One of my favorite quotes of his is “Let it be said that I encouraged people to encourage.” These words from Mask were revolutionary for me because I come from a world of spite. Its easier not to care and take all the malicious things someone says as motivation follow your dreams and throw it back in those peoples faces, like that fat guy at the gym that keeps repeating to himself, “I’ll show her.”

“I’m only here so you can be better than you thought you could be.” This one hit me to my core. I have never known this man and yet he is one of the biggest inspirations of my life. I know he was about his business but most people will just sponsor a fighter because they believe in them as a fighter not as a person. Mask was always promoting growth for all people around him.

The way this man carried himself and his business really makes you believe him and in yourself. He never knew me but he taught me so much through example that spite will never get you as far as belief will. Not even a belief that you can be successful but that its possible to enjoy your life and do what you want to do. “As long as your relationship minded and not accomplishment minded”

“Watch out for the lonely dreamer, for he can change the world."

“Just ‘cause you weren’t born with a Silver spoon in your mouth doesn’t mean you can’t turn your roads to Gold.”

Rest In Peace Charles "MASK" Lewis 1963-2009

Friday, September 16, 2011

Rebecca Black Had It Right

For as horrible as Rebecca Blacks song “Friday” was, I think she had it right. Now I’m not saying it was a good song but the exact opposite. I think this song should be so horrible its enlightening. Modern pop music is such a horrible assembly line approach to music. All the way from people like Lady Gaga to Kanye West. When did mediocrity become art.

Lets take Lady Gaga, this lady is just a mix of Madonna from the 80’s and a bit of Christina Aguileras voice. There is nothing original about how “crazy” this lady is. Being eccentric is nothing new, especially in the music industry. But I have never heard little kids misuse the word “artist” so much as to when it comes to Lady Gaga. Don’t get me wrong I have much respect for anyone that has real talent but Lady Gagas look to music is just a rip off of what I saw when I was a kid, which I’m sure was a rip off too because when has the music industry ever had an original idea.

Kanye West is the best of the worst in my opinion. There is no one I loathe more in the music industry and I’m not even talking about the “look at me” antics that had to do with Taylor Swift. This guys whole gimmick is what is wrong with the world today. Nobody wants to put the work in to come up with something creative and new but rather literally take pieces of something good and old to make something bland out of it. Kanyes music is the equivalent to the Olive Garden, it looks like it should be good but it lacks any real flavor.

For all these reasons Rebecca Black is the pinnacle of modern pop music. Rebecca Black just brought to the forefront the small little thought in the back of your mind about all this music and that is, “ this sucks but its better than silence.” Rebecca Black just made it obvious with bad lyrics, a poor beat, and a weird face. She just brought the 3 strikes to the table where everyone else was skating by with 2.

Monday, September 12, 2011

Nightmares That Make You Go To Church

This isn’t a continuation of my older bog series about the Shadow but this is one that I had a few nights ago that freaked me out just as much as one about the shadow. The shadow may not have been in this one but the feeling was the same as the ones that he is in, so I think his essence was there. The shadow is a dark force that creeps into some of my dreams that always effects me to my core and whatever it was in this one felt exactly the same.

The dream started out at a sort of hospital with two waiting rooms on opposite sides of the building. There was a dream going on before this but I don’t really remember what it was about but the nightmare started as I entered the waiting room to the far left. The doors were automatic sliding doors like the kind at a Wal-Mart. As soon as I walked in I noticed a group of red hooded people some sitting some looking but I was unable to see the faces of any of them. While standing there observing them another group of them started walking past me at this point the other people in the waiting room started getting scared and leaving and it made me wonder who they were. Just as one of them was passing me they stopped and I knew it was because of me. The hooded person standing within arms length and turning around toward me I was paralyzed by curiosity and fear. Expecting something that looked like the monster from The Village, it turned out to be a blonde girl. Dead blue eyes piercing right through me with a blank expression somehow communicating to the others without words as the rest of them begin to turn. Finally my fear gives way to survival and I turn and run out of that waiting room to the other waiting room. (the hooded girls don’t come back, they just seemed to set the tone for the rest of the dream)

The other waiting room is full of people and they are all whispering, “who are they,” and “where did they come from.” I could only assume that they were referring to the group of hooded girls. After I walked into the room I realized they were not talking about the hooded girls but a group of children that seemed to appear out of nowhere. There were no records for or of these kids, no parents and not even they knew who they were. They just stood there in their pajamas like they expected to be there. There was no panic out of any of them but there was sense of dread, like they knew something was coming.

In this waiting room there were two exits, the one I came through and another one around the corner to the help desk. At the other door there came a pounding and some screams. Once again paralyzed by fear I stood there with the kids and the rest of the crowd to see what was coming. A man turns the corner with the look of a zombie but it was something darker. It killed people on its way in and it was looking for a new host. No one moved as it came stumbling toward us dragging its feet with its sights set on the children. I couldn’t let that happen, I had to stop it.

I got up from my chair and kicked this thing in the stomach to push it against a wall where I began to throw fist after fist to its face. All of it doing nothing so I start just trying to push it outside when it happened. The dream was a little fuzzy on this part so I’m not sure if it entered me or I became the monster but either way I am now the monster. I can feel my consciousness begin to lose its control so while I had control of the body I ran as fast and as hard as I could down a hall. I was looking for a room with everything I needed so I ran into what I remember as a bathroom. There on the floor was what I was looking for, rope. I tie it to a fixture as fast as I can and then around my neck without thinking twice about it. I turned out I had to climb over the top of the stall so the rope could loop around and there would be no slack so I got on the toilet and climbed the stall wall. As soon as I reached he top I let myself fall over the other side and the rope tightened around my and I could no longer breathe. I was aware of everything while my vision dimmed and I gasped for air. I knew it was almost over as soon as I closed my eyes and gave in the struggle would finally be over. Just as my eyes began to close I saw 2 little things fly into the room. One of them was red and they were both small. I could feel their nails dig into my thighs as they dug their nails in to steady themselves. I don’t know who or what they were but they were there to stop me from killing the monster. They began slicing at my eyes with razors and I could feel it, it literally hurt my eyes to be in this part of the dream. The more they sliced the more my eyes hurt and they dug and scraped until my eye lids were completely removed.

At this point they were gone and I could see my body and what they did. They turned me into a toy with eyes wide open so the next child to find me could be the next host to whatever it was.

This dream totally freaked me out when I woke up and my right eye hurt like crazy. The part I thought was the craziest though is I had two little scratches on my cheek when I woke up.

Thanks for reading if you like the story help support us by picking up some of our stuff from the store.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

There Is No Halfway In Life

I used to work in a court ordered halfway house. I’m not the smartest person in the world but I never understood what that meant. Was that place halfway between reality and the belief you were getting better. The return rate was so high in that place it made me sick. But that wasn’t the worst part, the management was the worst. I have looked into the eyes of satan and lived. This must be some kind of weird limbo because there is no way that lady was real. The most evil person that I have ever met and she was my boss.

This place existed just outside of jail but before you got to freedom. My boss, the troll, was its gate keeper. She patrolled the halls as if she could look inside the minds of all the poor souls that were at her mercy. I worked midnights with this lady and she had a way of making you want to kill yourself without ever saying anything negative about you. Her daughter was a stripper and a meth addict and those were her redeeming qualities. I would say her life was an episode of Jerry Springer but it would have to be a 2 parter. She would infect you with her depression and by the end of the night you were so mentally exhausted you actually believed they were your problems.

I have always been a relatively quiet person but there were actually bets on how long I would last. I couldn’t believe it when I found out, I beat all the estimates with about 2 years but in that case nobody really wins. That’s all I will say this time but there is more about this “Halfway house.” To Be Continued.

Thursday, September 1, 2011

Vans Have The Best Candy- My Newest Favorite T-Shirt

Here is one of my newest T-shirts that’s sold in my Ebay store. I really like this one because of how delightfully inappropriate it is. Statistically you much more likely to be molested by someone you know, with that in mind the guy in the van offering you candy is much safer than staying at Uncle Touchys house.

Never judge a book by its cover especially if there is candy inside. So spread the word about the candy and visit Smelly Finger Tshirts at http://smellyfingertshirts.com/.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Why Is Having Kids A Good Idea?

I have never understood why having kids is a good idea. I don’t mean the act of making the kids, that just kind of its own reward. I mean like those people on TV that Pride themselves on creating a herd of children. Maybe its just me but the creation of children seems like the most self centered thing you can do. Its like thinking your so great there just has to be more of you. At the core of every person that has children by choice must believe this on some level. I have been trying to figure this one out for years now, it leaves me speechless but out of courtesy I still say congratulations whenever someone tells me that they’re pregnant without tears in their eyes.

I believe the coming water shortage is directly connected to children, or more specifically the amount of people on the earth. Its simple, people are made of water and the more people you have the less water is going to be available. See, kids are making me thirsty and my lawn ugly. I don’t think we should take it out on kids but on the parents of kids that don’t contribute to society. If your kid becomes a stripper then you should get punched in the face and be given all the diseases your stripper kid has. If your kid becomes a teacher then that’s when the government should give you a bit of a kickback for making the world a better place. But if your kid becomes a criminal, then you both get the death penalty for wasting so much precious water.

I always thought I didn’t like kids until one day when I saw a rowdy kid get slapped. I thought it would satisfy me but the thing I learned is that I don’t dislike kids I dislike stupid adults that feel the need to reproduce.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

It Takes Money To Make Money- How I Hate You, Phrase

I take offense to this. It is as dismissive as it is true. Sure it does take money to make money but that also dismisses the idea that you can be creative enough to come up with a system to literally make something out of nothing. I have always hated that phrase because one of my favorite things is to come up with creative solutions to problems. I don’t try to think different than other people, as I found out when I was a kid, I just think different than other people.

It is true that you need money to make money but it seems like a phrase made to discourage the small hustler that only has creativity as an asset. A good designer sometimes will only need a piece of paper and a pencil to get started, and you can borrow those. I don’t like to dismiss the creative because its easy to dismiss anyone as crazy but you need to look at what makes them crazy. Its hard to anticipate anything if it’s new.

My favorite context of this phrase is always from the unbelievers. The people that think money, not action, are what make things happen. It becomes a catch all phrase to discourage someone that has the courage and balls to act and not just accept his circumstances in life.

Starting out broke might take longer but its always worth it in the end…. I hope.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Somebody Jacked Up My MailBox

I went outside my house the other day and found my mailbox open, crunched on one side and tilted to the left. I was home all day and I didn’t hear anything. This frustrates the hell out of me, no one elses mailbox was jacked up. It just reminded me how much my neighbors suck and how much I want a natural disaster to hit their houses only.

I mean honestly if your going to be a drug dealer at least be a little considerate to the people that don’t turn you in. They just sit outside on their porch as people pull up and pull away. I hope they make meth because I want that house to burn down. Sadly I don’t think that’s the case, I would be happy with spontaneous human combustion. Just the thought of SHC makes me smile a little.

I even tried to fix it but the door just hangs there like a boob that has never seen a bra in its life. It just hung there so sad ripped off one of the hinges like a baby torn from its mother arms. It angers me but what can you do except set up a camera but I’m not gonna do that….yet.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Why Do You Think I’m Gay, Netflix?

I have recently subscribed to Netflix and I got to say its awesome. I have been streaming movies on my Xbox 360, which is the only thing I’ve really used it for because of my anger management issues when it come to playing video games, and they don’t have the latest stuff but they have movies you might have never heard of that are some of the best movies you have ever seen. I have to confess one day I just sat there with my bag of Cheetos and just let Netflix please my eyes and ear holes. That’s when I started to notice not only is Netflix my new Bestie but its suggest movies that I might like. My inner child was so happy to finally have a friend that understood me.

Time and time again Netflix proved itself as the only one that could nurture my inner child. Then it happened, the Gay and Lesbian Movies title appeared on my list. “What the hell Netflix, I thought you understood me.” My best friend had now just implied that I might be gay, that’s an accusation that our friendship just might not be able to survive. But Netflix hasn’t been wrong so far, is there a possibility that Netflix might be right again? Then I finally watched Black Snake Moan, Christina Ricci boobs answered that question fast, Netflix was wrong.

So why did Netflix make that suggestion after all, I think I finally know. I had watched about 3 movies with where the subjects were gay, seems like I should have know but I didn’t…. I’ll explain. Chasing Amy is a Kevin Smith movie that I had never seen, I love Kevin Smith movies. Howl is a movie about the trial and a graphic depiction of the poem written by Allen Ginsberg, didn’t know that guy was gay. Fall From Grace is a documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church and it turns out they hate the gays. So Netflix didn’t think I was gay, Netflix just thinks that gay people are fascinating. Netflix you might be right about that…. Netflix you wily bastard.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because I’m Back

In my opinion he must have had a blog to do. Damn, never thought it would be so hard to come up with something almost every day. I would like to apologize to anyone who read this thing on a regular basis but I got burned out, Hard. The good news is that it gave me lots of time to think, so…. I’m Back. The blog may not be updated every day but it will be updated 3 to 4 times a week. Strap on your seatbelts because this is going to be a strange and somewhat disturbing ride at times…… take a ride with Mr. Willy on the Smelly Finger Van and most importantly, don’t tell your parents!!

Thursday, July 28, 2011

Life Is A Math Problem

I have been thinking about life a lot lately, it happens every now and then. Nobody ever tells you what your supposed to do or why your supposed to do it. Your expected to know how to do it and the truth is nobody really does. But like all problems I think they can be related to math on some level. So here is what I have been thinking about, Life is a math problem. Its really simple but it pretty much comes out to A+B=C, obviously those are all variables but I want to try to make some sense out of it.

A= you
That is the first variable and the last variable should be pretty easy to come up with.
C= the goal in your life
The last variable is the end result you want out of life, like becoming a mechanic, nurse, or old.
B= all the work you will have to do to become what ever it is you want to become
This seems pretty self explanatory but in this equation A+B should equal C.

The problem with this equation is that there are 2 variables and neither can be defined if C is not defined. In short if you don’t know what your goal is in life living it is gonna be really hard. Many people fall into life and stumble across B long before A and never really know what C is. Most of the people that get somewhere in life get there because they had a destination in mind. All you need is A and C after that B will reveal itself.

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Action Figure Silent Movies- Episode 1


Well, heres the first hopefully in a long line of stop motion animations.  I hope you enjoy it! Leave comments with what you think of it. 

Episode 1- Feeling Frisky
Looks like Prime has a hard time getting dates.

Thursday, July 7, 2011

A Little Story About A Boy Called Nancy- Part 2

Now that Nancys father is gone what o what will they do? There was a knock at the door, “O Joy” Nancys mother cheered, “Emily is here.” Emily was a sister in law but she was no regular sister in law, Emily had a heart of gold. Nancys mother and Emily sat on the couch and talk for hours and hours, Emily listened to all of their problems. “What o what will we do, Emily” Nancys mother asked, “my parents are old and can only take care of themselves, we are a burden on them.”

Emily had an idea and it was a doozy, “Why don’t you get a job?” Emily asked. Nancys mother had not even thought about it because she liked to blame all her problems on other people. “I will baby sit for you while your at work” Emily explained “I have to stay home with my baby anyway I can take care of yours too.” This was not good news for Nancys mother because she would miss all her shows and be tired a lot.

“Okay, that’s what I’ll do.” Nancys mother said with hesitation.

The first day Nancys mother went to Emilys house and knocked on the door, Emily opened the door but she was not alone. A little boy with only a pamper on and nice head of combed hair peeked out from behind Emilys dress. Emily took Nancy in her arms and brought him into her home, Emilys son did not know why there was a baby interfering with his mommy time but he was happy to have a new friend.

It was lunchtime and Emily loved to feed people so much her husband had grown a nice little tummy that Emilys son loved to jump on. Emily began to feed Nancy but Nancy was now about 18 months old and he still loved throwing fits. Nancy screamed and yelled no matter how delicious the food was, he was so much trouble for Emily but she never ran out of patience with him. He didn’t like when he wasn’t the center of attention so he became jealous of Emilys son for getting some of Emilys attention. Emilys son still wanted to be friends with Nancy but Nancy only wanted his toys. Emilys son was not as patient as Emily because Nancy tried and tried to steal toys him but he would always get caught. Emilys son did not like Nancy at all because he was kleptomaniac.

“Stop” Emilys son would yell but Nancy would not. This went on for months but Nancy only cared about taking his toys so Emilys son began to stand up for himself. The last day Nancy tried to take a Chuck Norris action figure that Emilys son love more than any of his other toys so Emilys son did what Chuck Norris would do, he snatched the toy out of Nancys pocket and pushed him down and Yelled “NO!!” as loud as he could. Nancy fell to the floor and began to cry and throw a fit but Nancy never tried to steal from Emilys son again.

Stay tuned for more about A Boy Called Nancy

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

How To Talk Your Way Out Of Any Situation

The first rule of getting out of a bad situation is staying out of a bad situation. Other than that your probably going to need to learn how to talk to people. I was fortunate in being the youngest in my family, I saw what my bother and sister did wrong and I learned from it. The things that I learned were very useful in manipulating my parents into getting what I wanted. There are many ways of doing this, there is guilt, positive reinforcement, pushing, threats, identifying, and just plain being funny. There are more but you get the point. Here’s how I like to do it.

Identifying is my absolute favorite coupled with being funny. Now that never worked with the parents but it works wonders on past bosses and cops. When you get down to it bosses and cops are the hardest audiences because if they don’t like you, well , your just screwed. Everybody hates work even if you love your job your tired at the end of the day, so that’s always a good one to use with the cops. When it comes to a boss or someone else your just gonna have to fish around for something you have in common or use the job or whatever place you happen to be. This is how a usual traffic stop works with me:


Cop- license and registration
Me- there you go
Cop- do you know why I pulled you over?
Me- No sir (the key is to not appear worried at this point)
Cop- Your registration sticker is out of date (I was rollin 2 years without updating because I’m a rebel)
Me- what sticker? (always act like you don’t know what he’s talking about)
Cop- this sticker right here is from 2 years ago (get close to the sticker like you have bad eyes)
Me- are you serious? (once again act like you just found out)
Me- I’ll take care of that after work, I’m already running late…(a little guilt sprinkled in with some you know whats that’s like right? It also helps to keep messing with your hair and forehead to imply worry about work and a ticket)
Cop- well, I’ll go ahead and let you off with a warning (I always take that serious because I’m not gonna take a chance if this guys has a great memory)
Me- thank you so much officer, can I get a note for work… haha just kidding (its stupid but It hopefully makes him laugh, it lets him know you’re a nice person and he did a good thing… maybe he‘ll do it more)

That is how I deal with cops, usually helps but stay tuned for more tips.

Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Well, Hi There

I just wanted to take today to say to my readers, Thank You very much for reading my blog. I appreciate each and every person that reads what I write. If you enjoy the blog check out the Smelly Finger Tshirt store by clicking one of the links on this page. If you ever want to say whats up or even drop an idea for a tweet, blog, or even a shirt don’t hesitate to drop me an tweet or a comment either on my blog or on Ebay. Hope to hear from you guys soon….. Peace out.

Willy

Monday, July 4, 2011

A Little Story About A Boy Called Nancy

Once upon a time there was a boy who was the first born of his family. His parents looked at him and they were full of pride and astonishment that their genetic material could come together and make a somewhat normal looking person. The father was so full of pride he decided to give his new son his name, which made the new baby a JR but they called him Nancy because everyone thought he was a girl. Soon the happy family went home and began their new life together.

As Nancy grew in months his father also grew tired of Nancy. The new baby smell had worn off and Nancys cries began to weigh on his father, so his father sought comfort at the rooster fights. Oh how Nancys father loved the rooster fights, like gladiators roosters would fight to the death for the entertainment of the poorly educated onlookers. Nancys father would stand there waving his betting ticket in the air with excitement as he watched his rooster of choice lose every time. Just like Nancy the rooster fights also began to lose their luster but only when he would lose most of his money, so in an attempt to raise his own spirits he went to the bar. The bar was a magical for Nancys father because the more his button up shirt was open, exposing his thick and coarse chest hair, the more the skanky women loved him. He would even put on a gold chain so the skanks could be mesmerized by the amount of money his chest hair possessed. Late one night Nancys father came stumbling in the house with his shirt open so much it was only held on by his belt, like a hula skirt.

“Where have you been?” Nancys mother exclaimed
“Hey…..HEY!!! He protested pulling a stray thick and curly hair from his mouth.
“Is that what I think it is? That is so gross!” she muttered.
“You know what this is…..?” He paused to try to think up a lie but the alcohol had already destroyed the only good brain cells that could make good decisions. “this” he motioned to the hair “this is an outrage, your not God!!”

Frustrated, Nancys mother went to their bedroom and opened the window so the man she was with could leave and then she grabbed her Rainbow Bright backpack and filled it with her clothes. She put on her matching Rainbow Bright shoes and threw Nancy over her shoulder. On her way out she stopped and glared at Nancys father for a second then stormed out of the house, got in her car and left. She quickly returned home, they lived in her parents house so she handed the Rainbow Bright backpack and keys to the car to him and told him to leave. All she had left was her baby and a closet full of Nancys fathers clothes.

Stay tuned for more about A Boy Called Nancy.

Friday, July 1, 2011

Cartooning Example

This is not an original drawing.  I am drawing this for my nephew because he asked me for a bumblebee like he was handing out homework.  I'm happy to draw it for him.  I wanted to take the chance to show this drawing because its just a simple line drawing at this point.  I did not come up with this pose this is drawn form a picture I found on the internet. 

For anyone who has been reading my cartooning articles, notice all the lines.  All drawings can be broken down to simple shapes and lines.  I wanted to use this Bumblebee to show that.  Robots are a great example of shapes coming together to make a figure.

Check it out, examine it, and break it down. Happy cartooning!!

Thursday, June 30, 2011

What’s In A Name- Sentinel Prime ?


"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." -Shakespeare

I got to see the movie Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon yesterday, was it a cool movie, yes it was. I went into this movie with the hopes that someone awesome would show up that I didn’t know about. It happened, at the very beginning of the movie they show a quick shot of a red guy with a beard and I think, “No way I had no idea Alpha Trion was gonna be in this movie!” I was wrong Alpha Trion was not in the movie they decided to change his name to Sentinel Prime. This irked me for 2 reasons, first Sentinel Prime is a character from the animated cartoon, second this character already has a name and its Alpha Trion. I know this is a nerd concern and I don’t like to nit pick movies but COME ON Michael Bay, have a little creative respect for the fans.

I did love all the little shout outs to the old cartoon. The way the ship was crashed into the moon looked exactly like the way the ship was stuck in the mountain in the original series. Those ships they used at the end of the movie looked like Scattershot from the Technobots. But I thought the coolest one was the space ship that looked like Omega Supreme, I was sitting there with my fingers crossed that it would transform but I forgot that Michael bay HATES ME!!

All in all the movie was decent but it wasn’t mind blowing like it should have been.

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I hate it when I’m talking to someone and then I don’t get to say or don’t think to say what it is I really want to say. I’m sure its not just me, smooth talkin some hottie and then you somehow manage to get your size 12 foot to fit right in your mouth, you coulda got her number. Maybe that’s not the problem maybe the problem is your buddy is really sensitive but he smells like pickles. You want to tell him he smells like pickles but you don’t because your probably going to hurt his feelings, you shoulda told him. If you cant relate to either of those examples then you must be the one that sees an opportunity and doesn’t take it. There is nothing sadder than the woulda, it still makes angry to think of all the wouldas in my life. In the spirit of the trifecta of the would, coulda, shoulda I would like to share a few thoughts that I have always wanted to say but all names shall be removed, I’ll let you guess what the context of each can be.
“dude your earwax is so bad its coming out of your ear….. I’m looking right at it.”
“nobody believes you had sex with anyone because you always smell like poop”
“holy crap, now heres a guy that doesn’t have a mirror at home”
“I’m not hungry anymore because I had to sit here looking at your face, what was I thinking”
“why do these guys keep talking about the size of their penis”
“damn you, that chin up counted you smelly pecker”
“that is an ugly baby but what else can you make with those genetics”
“I’m gonna tell these parents I’m a sex offender just so they don’t leave their kid with me”
“I wonder if she can tell I look at her boobs every time she looks away”
“I bet he has herpes”
“oh no he’s gonna give her herpes”
“is it just me or do strippers love dollar bills like Klondike bars”
“peeing on myself could be worse oh wait theres a puddle”

Tuesday, June 28, 2011

Hall Pass - Review

Today, this is gonna be short and sweet. Today I saw a movie called Hall Pass. This movie is supposed to be a comedy, it has its funny moments but I would put this movie in a section called “ha ha we fooled you thanks for the money.” I don’t like to give negative reviews to movies but it has been a real long time since a movie has angered me so much. It seems like this movie was written by a man hater who doesn’t understand how evolution ever took place without a woman overseeing everything. Don’t get me wrong I am very equal opportunity I believe women are just as stupid as men, on the flip side I also believe that men are just as smart as women and I cant stand it when people imply otherwise. This movie craps all over men but not just being dumb, I know we’re dumb, but being weak. This seemed like a personal attack so here is what I think.

There is a scene in this movie where the men just got caught doing something stupid and are now sitting in the back seat while the mother figures sit in the front seats and stop on the side of the road and begin to yell at their child like husbands. I will try to be clear on my opinion about this, any woman that treats their husband like this, regardless if he deserves it, just needs to get divorced. There is never a reason to talk down to anyone, I mean come on who do you think you are. Now to the man who lets his woman talk to him like this, you need to pick up your skirt grab your balls and start acting like a man. A man doesn’t need to talk down to a woman to be a man but if he gets talked down to like a child you don’t get to call yourself a man.

After the guys get their Hall Pass they try to go out and get chicks and obviously don’t know where to go to find a chick to sleep with, what the hell. These guys are so pathetic they go to Applebees to look for girls, which is funny, but what guy in their right mind would ever do that if he actually wanted to sleep with someone. I understand that the theme of this movie is for the guys to realize that they really don’t want to sleep with someone else but it also has almost nothing to do with love. Its more like not wanting to ruin something that has been built. A real man never gives up this much power in a relationship, these guys have practically castrated themselves as an offering on the alter of their wives vagina. PATHETIC!!!

The greatest statement of prevention of any of this is something I heard a long time ago, the man said, “we have a deal, if she ever doesn’t want me around all she has to do is tell me and I will leave with just the clothes on my back.” That is a MAN.

I hated this movie it gets 1 smelly finger and I bet you can guess which finger it is!!!

Monday, June 27, 2011

Thoughts During A Trip To The Post Office

Today I had to run to the Post Office to mail some shirts that were ordered, Smellyfingertshirts.com check it out. Standing in any line is always kind of weird but there is something different about the Post Office. There were just so many things going through my head I thought I would share some of them.

Walking in the front doors the old lady in front of me held the door open and let it go about 1 or 2 seconds before I got there.
“Is that still holding the door for me” “if I say thank you, is that going to sound sarcastic because its not holding the door for me” “ Maybe she is letting the door go because she doesn’t respect me” “I bet she doesn’t respect me because I’m wearing my X-Men shirt” “who doesn’t like the X-Men, its about social equality” “maybe she’s a racist” “I’ll fight a racist” “hitting an old lady would look bad on a resume” “what if I put, racist old lady, that would look better” “ why would I put that on a resume” “they might ask what the felony is for” “ I could say the felony is for standing up for my Mexican people”After I finally got in the door I had to stand in the line with the old lady in front of me and a freckle filled hottie behind me.
“Is that chick behind me hot?” “yup she sure is” “I’m gonna pretend I’m looking outside to get a better look” “whoa she has a lot of freckles” “I wonder if I have a shot” “I bet my breath stinks” “yup it does” “Damn you X-Men for making me look nerdy” “I wonder if she likes the X-Men” “chicks that dig comic books are awesome” “Its been a long time since I’ve gone to the comic book store” “oh look I think she’s married” “creeping her out is still an option, that’s always fun” “I could stand shoulder to shoulder with and ask have you ever wondered how close is too close when your standing in line”Its my turn……
 

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Stop Motion Animation- Test 1 Devastator

I realize this is not the real devastator its a cheap knock off I got from a Wal-Mart.  This is only a test still trying to work some kinks out and maybe add some audio next time.  Yes that is my dirty desk, in the background, you would think I would clean up first but I didnt think about it until the video was done.  Hope you enjoy it!!!

Thursday, June 23, 2011

A Letter To A Lady At Wal-Mart

The other day coming home from the movies I decided to go to Wal-Mart to pick up some things, the process was like it usually is, you know, painful. Everything you need is like half a block from each other and when you finally jog a mile to get all 3 things it is that you need now you have to deal with the check out process. I like to go to self check out just because there is no one there usually but this time, of course, there were 3 people and the first person acted like this was the first day without a loin cloth. Fumbling and stumbling around those stupid machines and yet getting no where, so what’s the brilliant idea I had, 20 items or less, but the person in front of you never has less. When I get in the new line the first person in the other line finally finishes, but I’ve gone too far to turn back now. Everything seems like its clear sailing to the car but the evil entity known as Wal-Mart still had one more trick up her shrewish sleeve. I was putting my things in the car and as usual gonna leave the basket out of the way in a big empty striped spot between the handicapped parking signs, totally out of anyones way. Then this lady, that I can only describe as small and skinny with big sunglasses, brings her shopping cart and just leaves it behind my car. I have to reverse to get out of the space and this stupid inconsiderate super skank looked at me and left it behind my car. I may have yelled a thing or two at her but nothing with real impact. So in the spirit of being a nice guy the following letter is for her and anyone that would ever do such a blatantly rude thing.

Dear Lady at Wal-Mart

Why did you put your basket right behind my car while I was standing there? Is it because someone wronged you? Were you molested as a child or perhaps beaten by your foster parents? If you were in a hurry you could have asked me and I would have put it away for you but you didn’t. You chose to go out of your way to make someone elses day just a little bit worse for no reason. I don’t hate you, as a matter of fact I pitty you because small minds think in small ways. If I were a different person or in a really bad mood I would have taken that basket back to your car and picked it up and thrown it at you, but I try to be a nice person. I am not angry but just need clarification, I don’t understand people that do things like that. I don’t think you’re a bad person but I think if that behavior continues you stand a real good chance of meeting some nice guy on a day that he isn’t feeling so nice.

Love,
The Nice guy with a Smelly Finger

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Comedy Heavyweights - Al Madrigal

There are some people that are just born to do what they do, Al Madrigal was a born comedian. I first saw this guy on a dvd with a bunch of other comics who have had way more exposure. Al Madrigal went first and completely stole the show at the beginning, everyone else was funny but this guy had that special thing that makes their comedy last. He is still what people consider an up and comer but he is one of the funniest comedians that I have ever heard. Mexican comedy is usually where Mexican comedians end up, but this guy has a unique style and doesn’t rely on his own race to make his comedy work.

The unique observations of Al Madrigal make hit one of the funniest young comedians that I have ever heard. Storytelling is also one of this mans many talents, the stories that he tells about him and his family are fantastic. Much of his comedy is inspired by his wife and his children and his observations of them. His latest album, that is only semi released, he isn’t happy with it because of a stupid audience member, but can be found on his website for real cheap, Cholos on a Moped is a great piece of work. Even including the “Oh guy” in the audience this album is so hilarious I recommend it to anyone that loves to laugh.

Remember the name of Al Madrigal he just got on the Daily show so keep an eye out for this comedic force

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Art of Making People Like You

Remember the good ol days when all it took was an extra cookie in your lunch box. As an adult those days are over, unless you have a cookie I can have, and you have to use something else, jokes. This can be a good thing or a bad thing. Have you ever met a nice person just to find out that they are dryer than beef jerky, always a sad day. Even the evil boss that hates everybody, it almost makes this art a necessity for the career minded. But there are no universal rules it all depends on the kind of friends your trying to make.

If your very opinionated and wonder why no one likes you, you don’t have to look any further than the things you say. The first rule of getting people to like you is keeping your big mouth shut.(this doesn’t go for everyone just the people who qualify for the opinion Olympics) I grew up a shy kid and I found out that most people form an opinion of you before you say anything. This strategy tends to work in the long run because the people that come up to you are very likeable people. Being friends with a well known good person puts you on peoples good side as soon as they associate them with you. For now lets not focus on the passive approach.

Favors are a great way to make friends. I remember someone saying to me, “ that guys is awesome because whenever he has money he will buy.” This was a foreign concept to me because I lived in the world where everyone should like you for no other reason than being a great person. I have done social experiments with the favor or the “cookie method” as I like to call it. The method is very easy, find a person you would like to be friends with strike up a conversation and pay for lunch(or whatever meal it is, you know what I mean). Suddenly when this person thinks of you they associate you with something positive just like a kid giving you a cookie and then becoming friends. Positive reinforcement is the real term but still works as long as you can keep conversation cool and casual.

Stay tuned for more tips on How to make people like you.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Green Lantern - Quick Review

This movie had the potential to be really bad and there were a lot of people that were expecting it to be, I just might even have been one of those people. I was wrong. Green Lantern was a great summer blockbuster. There were parts that seemed a bit neglected but overall was a great movie. Ryan Reynolds as Hal Jordan makes a great Green Lantern. I love reading the Green Lantern comics but sometimes 2 hours just isn’t enough time to truly do justice to a character or group of characters that already have a very loyal fan base(but hey, I’m happy I got to see a Green Lantern movie)

The graphics were so amazing with characters like Sinestro and Kilowog(two of my favorites…. Poozer). Character design was something I was interested in seeing when I went to see this movie. We all know what the characters look like in the comic book but I wanted to see what they looked like when a computer animator was going for realistic, they did not dissapoint. I loved the way the Guardians, Green Lanters, and Oa looked. Hal Jordan training was probably one of the cooler parts of the movie, getting a chance to see Kilowog push around the soon to be great Hal Jordan. Sinestro even got his hand in there and destroyed the constructs of Hal and pushed him to the point of quitting.

The Green Lantern corps is always a source of inspiration for loyal fans, the basic idea is having an iron will creates infinite possibilities, and that’s something anyone, not just comic book nerds, can believe in.

PS - stay for the credits its really cool.

I give this movie 5 Smelly Fingers because it wasn’t the best acted movie but it’s a need to see for this comic nerd.

 

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Honduran Job 4

The Honduran Job strip number 4.  The guys are getting ready to do thier comedy show.  I hope you enjoy my webcomic.

Comedy Heavyweights - Maria Bamford

This is my absolute favorite female comedian. She has got to be the craziest female comedian there is and the most innovative. She incorporates characters like her family and enemies while doing voices but its not the same cheesy thing that others do, this has its own special ring to it. She makes the characters come alive with facial expressions and voice. She speaks of real life from her unique perspective while making the most mundane observations hilarious. She also pokes fun a lot at the different types of females and the standards that society pushes on today’s women. I would describe her style as silly and cutting.

She was in the Comedians of Comedy where she killed it and made herself a stand out in a group of stand outs. Female comics have a hard time in their industry because like all of show business its all biased toward a certain type of person but Maria Bamford uses hilarity to break down the walls that might discriminate against her.

Maria Bamford is a bit of an unknown comic but she is someone that I hope can make her way into the mainstream. So if you have never heard of her I would encourage you to listen to her as soon as possible because she is one of the greatest.

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Comedy Heavyweights - Bill Burr

This guy should go down as one of the greats. Bill Burr manages to do what almost no white guy can do and that is make fun of race. Anyone else that has ever attempted this usually crashes and burns. Bill Burr can talk about race and give it an angle that you haven’t heard yet and make it really funny. There is an edge to this guy that makes him not only cool but a bit dangerous. I don’t usually like comedians that talk about the difference between men and women but the angle that Bill Burr takes releases men as the monsters and calls out women on the truths that men aren’t usually willing to point out. It sounds a bit cliché but the way he pulls it off is unlike anyone else.

It is also nice to see a male comedian other than Joe Rogan to actually be a guy not just some feminine guy that would yell “I don’t know how to fight I’m a comedian.” Just like the others that I have put on my Comedy Heavyweights list Bill Burr doesn’t just lead you down a road of chuckles but he exposes you to an entire range of emotions all the while laughing your butt off. His take no prisoners style and fearlessness makes Bill Burr someone that you need to listen to if you have not yet. His dvds are hit hard and side splitting humor. The anger he holds in comes out in his comedy and gives it an extra dimension of hilarity. He also has a great pod cast called The Monday Morning Podcast where its pretty much just Bill Burr ranting into a microphone in his living room or whichever room he happens to be in, I only subscribe to about 5 pod casts and the MM pod cast is one of them. If you don’t know who this is check him out…. hurry go.
 
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Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Super 8 - Quick Review

Right out of the gate this movie is about some friends trying to make a movie and everything intertwines with an Air Force disaster. With that said this is a great movie and I personally loved it. This movie felt like an episode of the Twilight Zone. (the old black and white one not the crappy 80s version) It created such an aura of nostalgic longing for the innocence of childhood movie making. The characters were solid for being a child cast, finding this much talent in such small packages must have been real difficult. Each character had their own special thing but the main characters battle with strength throughout the movie reaches a place we all hope we can reach in times of crisis.

Other than the great acting this movie had to offer there was story and graphics. Don’t get me wrong this is no Michael Bay movie(in other words story isn’t sacrificed to the god of graphics) but all the explosions and graphics are for a reason and have meaning. I will not describe the train wreck just know that this part of the movie more than fills the “graphics” quota necessary to qualify for a cool summer movie. This movie carried everything that I love in an episode of the Twilight Zone.(and I love the Twilight Zone)

Overall 5 Smelly Fingers- Great Movie….. Normally would have been 4 Smelly Fingers but the Twilight Zone feel gave it the extra finger.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Comedy Heavyweights - Marc Maron

This is a comedian full of anger and hate, a master of the comedic arts. Marc Maron is a comedy heavyweight because he knows how to bring an audience into his world of sadness on a cloud of happiness. He touches on everything from social issues to talking about his masturbating habits around his cats. He is a lesser known comedian because his comedy doesn’t really fit into a segment of society. He is not clearly racial, political, or anything else but he does what a real comedian can do and touch a common intrinsic string in the collective consciousness.

For anyone that has ever been self loathing Marc Maron is your voice. He says the things you want to say the way you want to say them. Self loathing is his fuel and pessimism is the fire it feeds. Marc Maron is the voice of the devil on your shoulder, he’s not the one that says your not good enough but it sounds like his voice. He brings you to the edge of depression as a guest and makes it so funny you can almost understand how he operates. At the end of his set you feel if he understood himself you would be able to understand him.

The way his comedy works is like how you would expect a peek into his mind to be. Anger, self loathing, but above all laughter. Its almost the view from the psychiatrists chair through a comedic lens. It is totally confessional and feels like a raw honesty. He doesn’t pull any punches and presents reality in his hilariously pessimistic perspective.

He also has a free podcast called WTF with Marc Maron, check it out.
 

Monday, June 13, 2011

Comedy Heavyweights - Doug Stanhope




At this moment Doug Stanhope has 43,349 followers on Twitter. Dane Cook has 1,782,936 and this is I wrong I want to help right. Nothing against Dane Cook, he just another flavor of comedian but he’s a flavor that isn’t for me. Doug Stanhope is a level of genius that is almost like listening to Carlin. I would hate to say that his observations are witty but that would just make him just another comic, so I don’t think that’s what makes him great.

What makes Doug Stanhope good enough to make him a comedy heavyweight? Great art elicits an emotional response, a comedian elicits an emotional response, by way of laughter, and a great comedian controls your emotions like symphony orchestra conductor. Doug Stanhope is a master of emotional repulsion during laughing, its really hard to gross someone out and make them laugh about some of the worst subjects. A comedians goal is to make the worst subjects funny but when has Jeff Foxworthy talked about date rape or made a pro abortion argument. Doug Stanhope can talk about anything and because of his intelligence and wit. He has the ability to talk about the most socially repulsive subjects, like abortion, rape, and suicide, and at the same time he is FUNNY.

Ps. If Doug Stanhope ever reads this….. You’re the Man.

Doug Stanhope just recently had an album released in May called Oslo - Burning the Bridge to Nowhere. I give it 5 Smelly Fingers.