Smelly Finger Tshirts

Smelly Finger Tshirts
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Friday, December 12, 2014

The Pizza Hut Doritos Crust- Best Thing Ever Or Destruction Of The World?

Maybe its because I’ve never been to New York but I love Pizza Hut pizza.  It does everything I need pizza to do, it tastes good, it makes me feel full and good, they support the Ninja Turtles and above all the other reasons it helps keep my feelings at bay.  Pizza Hut has done some amazing things with pizza like finding a way to inject more cheese into the crust.  Doritos have also done amazing things with chips when they introduced the world to the cool ranch Dorito.  But this unholy alliance can only wreak havoc on this planet which is why they are testing their unholy offspring in Australia known as the dorito crust.

On the bright side the combination of Pizza Hut and Doritos are being kept in Australia for the time being and not being unleashed on the world.  Logically there isn’t much difference to eating a slice of pizza with some chips and eating this unholy abomination of delicious ingredients.  It’s a lot like a plastic container and a microwave, there is nothing wrong with either of them but if you put a plastic container in a microwave the combination could kill you… eventually.  Just the thought of this thing makes me feel uneasy, like someone is trying to set me up for some kind of prank.

I would almost think that feeding your child this kind of thing could be seen as abuse.  Why not just put everything in a blender and let your kid eat his obesity thru a straw and suck down they calories, why waste any calories chewing because he’s gonna need those calories to develop diabetes. It’s a horrible horrible idea.

So keep your eyes open and mouths closed everybody, don’t be fooled by this demonic pizza!

Sunday, December 7, 2014

We Are Just Big Cell Phone Cases Now

I miss the days when technology wasn’t such a big part of our lives outside of tv and the remote control (spoken like a real old man, right).  I don’t mean that like the way an old man means that kind of thing, I only mean that in the way our cell phones have become our brains.  We no longer need to think because “theres an app for that” but that isn’t even what I’m complaining about this time. What I’m complaining about is a little piece of fashion that I ran across while surfing the net, it’s a jacket brought to us by our friends at Tommy Hilfiger that is supposed to charge your phone because it has solar panels on the back.

It is a neat idea the way a computer than can learn is a neat idea or like unicorns are a neat idea.  First of all it looks like something from Back To The Future 2 when shoes tightened themselves up, you wanna know why that was never invented because its useless. Shoes that tighten themselves is a neat idea but I have hands, on the other hand fat people would buy the hell out of some shoes that tighten themselves.  A solar panel sown onto clothes is a horrible solution to a minimal problem.  You can either buy this jacket or you can just remember to charge your cell phone.  None of us are really that busy, are we?  Its just weird to me to put so much emphasis on your cell phone that it even dictates your fashion choices like what matches my cell phone, what goes best with my cell phone.  Maybe this is about more than just cell phones and one day we can be our own power source to charge our cell phones, ipods, ipads, kindles, laptops, net books, ds, 3ds, psp, and Bluetooth headphones like a human power strip.

Wearing solar panels just seems dumb, I, as a person am more than a cell phone case. Why not just make something that can charge from body heat then I can just plug my cell into my bellybutton. 

Thursday, December 4, 2014 The New Website Is Up

Well ive been working on it for a while but the official website for Smelly Finger Tshirts is finally up.   I am so excited about finally having it live, its still a bit of a work in progress but its totally functional.  If you are unfamiliar with Smelly Finger Tshirts or even if you are super familiar with us I invite you to head on over to and take a tour of our new digs. 

I print all the shirts myself and I use great quality t-shirts and inks.  I have a blast designing the shirts and printing them, I never even thought I would ever be the guy that enjoyed his work.  But I do, it makes me feel good to know that I am making people smile or feel uncomfortable all over the world (I’ll take what I can get).

The reason I started making shirts is because first I love wearing weird and funny shirts but whenever I would go try and buy some they never had my size or I felt like the joke had been on a thousand other shirts.  I wanted something that was unique and funny with a slight offensive edge to it not some rip off of a rip off of a rip off (you get the point).  So I taught myself how to screen print on demand instead of having to create a huge inventory of untested shirts. 

I’m still figuring it out and doing it all myself so I need your help to get the word out (especially since I don’t know anything about internet marketing)!

Tuesday, December 2, 2014

Pointy Mexican Boots Are Destroying America

I would like to put Mexican pointy boots in the same category as skinny jeans because I think they are both hilarious.  I cant do that.  The problem with skinny jeans is that I know many people that wear them and they are very cool people. Whenever I make jokes about skinny jeans they always point them out to me and we both laugh, that’s happened many times.  On the other hand I have never met a guy or girl wearing pointy Mexican boots that has ever even had a chuckle near me. 

I don’t understand this freakin style and it drives me crazy because it is socially unacceptable to go up to them to point and laugh.  It looks like a person with extremely large feet slammed into a wall at an extremely high speed and it bent his feet up. Then another person saw this persons new feet and thought, “I bet he doesn’t stub his toe on anything” and then he stole his shoes. And finally he got his newly stolen bent up shoes home, he made sure that no one else was home put one boot in the middle of the floor, double checked no one was home, took his pants off and then sat on the point of the boot.  That is the only logical reason I can come up with that a regular human being of sound mind and body would buy this ridiculous clown shoe, to placate some kind of weird anal fixation.

There are only two reasons to even wear boots, 1st to ride horses and 2nd because you have a job or living situation that brings danger to the lower parts of your legs. Like working in some kind of empty field where you could get bitten by a snake or spider.  Other than those 2 reasons there is no reason outside of vanity that you would wear boots.  And I am man enough to admit though that there are people that grow up out in the country and they still live on farms and ranches and just wear that clothes as a lifestyle, I understand that. 

This  pointy shoe doesn’t make any sense to me and gives me the urge to play horseshoes with their feet.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Two Movies You Gotta See On Netflix If You Love Cartoons- I Know That Voice, In A World

If you’re anything like me the world of voice over is fascinating in its mystery.  I know almost nothing about it but I do know that I love cartoons and one of my dreams is being a cartoon.  On top of that I think everyone at some point has been told “you should do cartoons because that’s a really funny voice you do.”   That is one of the most infuriating things to be told because that’s what I would love to do and if it was that easy I would already be doing it.  But thanks to these movies there has been a tiny light shone on this industry so at least if you’re looking to get in you’re not just bumping around in the dark.

In my opinion you should watch “I know that voice” first because it gets you familiar with the business of voice over.  This movie brings out some of the (in my opinion) coolest of the cool in the voice over industry.  The only way it could have been cooler is of Mel Blanc (you know the voice of bugs bunny) himself would have been in it. I Know That Voice takes you thru the process of recording a voice and shows you the hidden art of coming up with a voice. I really thought that part was cool because in real life the voice you have is just the voice you have but when creating a character you have to take into account the type of person they are the things that they like to do and their personality (its too cool finding out how John Dimaggio came up with the voice of Bender from Futurama). 

Once you’ve watched this movie you can now comfortably watch “In A World” because you are no longer in the dark.  This movie follows the lead character struggle in the voice over world as a woman.  The movie takes place in the voice over world but the premise of the movie indicated by the title is the movie makers want to revive the trailer “In a world” voice over thing.  The usual guys throw their hats in the ring for it but now there is this woman that has a shot at it and it infuriates the contenders.  It’s a very interesting view of the voice over world and a very awesome movie.

Tuesday, November 4, 2014

Have You Heard About This Movie- As Dreamers Do

I’m always on the lookout for a new inspirational movie. When I say inspirational I mean inspirational to me as an artist or businessman.  I’m always on the look out and good movies are few and far between but I ran across another I cant wait to see but seems like its not getting too much exposure.  It’s a little indy movie called As Dreamers Do.

This movie is about the early days of Walt Disney. It seems to be about everything before going to Hollywood.  It shows him in his early days as a kid drawing and dreaming. The movie seems like a really sweet inspiring story and there is nothing I love more than an well done indy movie.  My favorite part of the trailer is when he is sitting at his drawing table feeding a mouse and he says "You know, since we're newly acquainted friends I should probably tell you, ima change the world. It all starts right here."

The trailer in itself is inspiring, I haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m planning on it.  So if you have seen this movie let me know what you thought in the comments.

Tuesday, October 21, 2014

Netflix Comedians- Trevor Noah

I love searching for new comedians on Netflix because Netflix has fully embraced stand up comedy more than most with the exception of Comedy Central. Netflix is putting out comedy by some favorites like Todd Glass, John Mulaney, and even Bill Burrs last special came out on Netflix first and his new special is set to drop in December on Netflix.  On stand up comedy alone its totally worth the money but Netflix is not why I decided to do this post, I decided to do this post because I wanted to let people know about a comedian I had never heard of until I saw him on Netflix by the name of Trevor Noah.

When you talk about a black comic you think of comics like Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock, and Eddie Murphy.  But I think this guy is in a weirder category like Hannibal Buress, he’s not a Def Jam comic he is just a comic doing his own thing. Trevor Noah is South African, his comedy and accent definitely reflect that.  He comes to America with an outsiders perspective about what it means to be American and black and African American in modern day America.  His observations on the everyday things the Americans take for granted are sharp and hilarious.

His special, available on Netflix, African  American is an hour of some of the best comedy today.  I believe that this kind of smart comedy is a nice break from some of the mind numbing silliness.  Even as cool as this special and comedian are they are made all the cooler with the accent.  So when you get a chance check it out and enjoy some cool smart comedy.

Wednesday, October 15, 2014

Stinkin Monkees 15- Easy Go

Here we have our hero thinking he has a girlfriend but as soon as he turns around to meet his friends shes gone.  How many of us can relate to this kind of thing, sure you probably didnt lose a girlfriend in the blink of and eye or even so fast that she left a cloud of dust but maybe you thought you had something you really didnt have in a relationship. The poor guy was probably so in love he couldnt see the forrest for the trees.  All I know is I can relate to that last panel. That one hurts!

Tuesday, October 14, 2014

The Movie I Can’t Wait To See – Dear White People

Holy crap I was just cruising Hulu when I found this, the title grabbed me and I had to watch the trailer.  The first trailer has a group of young “African American” (I put quotes because I hate adding something to American just to describe a slight aesthetic difference, don’t forget I’m “Mexican American”) standing in front of the box office at the theater drilling the poor guy about why every black character in movies is some sort of a cliché.  The movie appears to be a comedy because as we all know, you cant just come right out and say the things you want to but when put into joke form you can say almost anything you want.

The movie seems to take place on a college campus, the only place a conversation like this could even take place without old people talking about the “good old days.”  Even the material is comedic in nature the questions being asked are the right questions that need to be asked.  This movie seems to have the classics in it like, “racism is over.” 

The second trailer is much longer and more in depth about the movie.  The lead is female and black with a radio show.  It seems to be a movie where the overzealous meet the way too relaxed to create the racism spectrum of the movie.  Its making fun of the subject because the subject is not even really allowed to be a subject.  I agree that we have come a long way in race relations in America but we are at a breaking point and this is how the conversation gets started. 

I recommend this movie because I’m gonna watch it even if it doesn’t come to my racist redneck sister humpin town.

Theatrical release is 10-17-14

Wednesday, October 1, 2014

Don't Be A Bully, Ridicule Responsibly!- from the Having Fun With Depression blog

First let me tell you just a  little about myself.  I am in a constant fight with depression (surprise!), you know I’m not lying because of the depression I’ve left in the couch (roll snare drum).  I guess I deal with depression the way I deal with everything else in my life, with humor.  Ive been doing stand up comedy for the last couple of years and they seem to feed each other.  The depression gives me the focus I need to write about how much my life sucks but if none of it goes over too well the depression kicks up again…. But it helps!  I’m not advising anyone to do stand up comedy because it can suck and just make things worse especially if you’re not funny but writing is good therapy.  But wait, you don’t know what to write about. Sure you do, I’ll help you that’s why I’m here but lets have some fun along the way.

This blog is gonna be dedicated not fixing you but trying to brighten your day a little and letting you know that life sucks and we’re all in it together.  When you’re depressed the hardest thing to do is feel better about your situation and to put a smile on your face.  I think you just need to find the right smile because there are different kinds.  I’ve always hated the “I’m happy” smile,(those happy bastards) it just seems like showing off. Then there is the “I’m nervous” smile (I know this one all too well), I personally like this one because it drives people away instead of inviting them in.  The one that comes easy when you’re depressed is the “ha ha you just fell down” smile, this is my favorite one because it doesn’t mean you’re happy or pretending anything, you’re just enjoying another persons embarrassing moment. 

Enjoying another persons pain seems harsh but it works (wow that sounds way worse than I intended) for a good laugh.  I don’t mean to go be a bully and start pushing people down what I mean is that basically comedy is tragedy plus time.  The theory is pretty simple its basically the equivalent of imagining pushing your bully down a flight of stairs, you would never do it but it makes you feel good just to think about it.  Works the same way with your personal problems like making the joke first before anyone else does taking the power away from everyone else. Lets try an exercise.

This is how I write my comedy but it also works as therapy and having a good laugh at yourself.  First make a list of things you hate about yourself. For example- being fat,skinny, being weird, dull, ugly, poor, rich (you get the idea). Next pick one. Now start making jokes (yes its as simple as it sounds, don’t worry I have examples).  For example, lets say you’re depressed that your overweight girlfriend just dumped you (I know that seems really specific but it happened to me I just wasn’t depressed about it, don’t look at my like that I’m not lying).  Lets start making fun of your fat girlfriend (remember these are not to use anywhere else other than on your page or the stage, don’t be a bully). 

The following is my thought process while writing a joke.
Lets start with how fat she is. Being fat is gross. Her being naked is gross. Here is the joke- my fat girlfriend was naked in the bed when I walked into the room and she said she wanted me to do anything to her… so I dressed her.
Now if that made you laugh you just experienced the kind of laugh that is even still possible when you’re depressed (maybe that’s why its my favorite kind of laugh). Making fun of your problems is the best way to get over them (it works for me) so give it a shot.  Or maybe if you want me to do some of the heavy lifting for you let me know what to make fun of in the comments and we can make fun of it together.

If you want some extra laughs follow me on twitter @smellyfingertee

Don’t forget, Don’t Be A Bully,  Ridicule Responsibly!