Dj Khaled (parody) Loves Cupcakes and Obamacare!

Dj Khaled has brought us many things and much entertainment! But now he reveals his secret love of cupcakes! this is a compilation video but DJ Khaled still loves him some cupcakes! There are the classics of Major Key Alert to Another One! Enjoy!

Top 5 Documentaries on Netflix for Creative Type

Inspiration can be hard to come by when you’re a creative type of person. Everyone has their own way of getting inspired.  Every creative is familiar with their own version of writers block. It doesn’t matter what media or expression your art manifests itself in, you know what its like to experience a blockage in your creative arteries.  Whenever I get a creative block I turn to 2 places I like to go and they are Netflix and Youtube.  Youtube is good but quality can be low and you never really know what you’re going to get. On the other hand Netflix has a library of awesome material with a star rating system that lets you know basically what level of content you’re going to get.  The problem with Netflix is sifting through their entire library to find what it is you don’t know you’re looking for.  It makes it that much sweeter when you find something that you can go to your friends with and you know they will enjoy it too.  You are my friends and here is my list.

#5 Stripped

Stripped is a documentary about Comic Strips and their creators.  They interview and talk about the top comic strip creators of comics like Penny Arcade, Calvin and Hobbes, Luann, Foxtrot, Peanuts, Garfield, Pogo, and many more. It’s a perfect documentary for anyone looking for a little comedy writing, drawing, self publishing type of inspiration.  This documentary not only talks about comics with comic creators they also delve into the future of comics as print media is fading out.

#4 Comedians of Comedy

Comedians of Comedy follows comedians Patton Oswalt, Brian Posehn, Maria Bamford, and Zach Galifianakis on a comedy tour called The Comedians of Comedy.  The Documentary follows these leading alternative comedians as they talk about comedy and live day to day on the road.  There are clips of each of their comedy and how the push the boundries of whats known at conventional stand up comedy.  They tell old comedy stories and talk about thing they have been through while they create new memories.

#3 Dear Mr. Watterson

Dear Mr. Watterson is basically a love letter to arguably one of the greatest comic creators to ever live.  The documentary explores the comic strip Calvin and Hobbes and its creator.  The doc interviews people from all walks of life and they discuss how Calvin and Hobbes has impacted their life. They also delve into how Calvin and Hobbes changed and continues to influence comics today.

#2 I Know That Voice

This is one of those documentaries that gives you a peek into something you always wished you could find out more about. Featuring voice actor such as John Dimaggio (Bender from Futurama), Kevin Conroy (Batman), Mark Hamill (The Joker), and many more.  They discuss the process of being a voice actor and making a career with their voices. Some of cartoons more recognizable voices are in it and it’s a lot of fun to see the people behind your favorite characters like SpoungeBob, Tommy Pickles, Bender, and many many more.

#1 Tig

This one holds a special place in my heart because it chronicles the journey of stand up comedian Tig Notaro to notoriety.  This is the documentary that should be called “A Series of Unfortunate events” because it talks about the horrible trials she had to endure that eventually led up to what would be the stand up performance of a lifetime.  Its sound like a bit much but even one of the things she endured would have been overwhelming but she endured.  It also covers her journey afterwards and all the things that came from the bad and are still in development.  On a personal note, the reason this one sticks hard with me is because I was just getting out of the hospital wondering how I was going to deal with the pain and trials I was going through so I was in bed and I turned on Netflix and there it was being promoted in the big window like it was calling to me.  It helped me so much.

This is my list of the best documentaries on Netflix. Enjoy and your welcome.

Netflix Comedians- Trevor Noah

I love searching for new comedians on Netflix because Netflix has fully embraced stand up comedy more than most with the exception of Comedy Central. Netflix is putting out comedy by some favorites like Todd Glass, John Mulaney, and even Bill Burrs last special came out on Netflix first and his new special is set to drop in December on Netflix.  On stand up comedy alone its totally worth the money but Netflix is not why I decided to do this post, I decided to do this post because I wanted to let people know about a comedian I had never heard of until I saw him on Netflix by the name of Trevor Noah.

When you talk about a black comic you think of comics like Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock, and Eddie Murphy.  But I think this guy is in a weirder category like Hannibal Buress, he’s not a Def Jam comic he is just a comic doing his own thing. Trevor Noah is South African, his comedy and accent definitely reflect that.  He comes to America with an outsiders perspective about what it means to be American and black and African American in modern day America.  His observations on the everyday things the Americans take for granted are sharp and hilarious.

His special, available on Netflix, African  American is an hour of some of the best comedy today.  I believe that this kind of smart comedy is a nice break from some of the mind numbing silliness.  Even as cool as this special and comedian are they are made all the cooler with the accent.  So when you get a chance check it out and enjoy some cool smart comedy.

The Movie I Can’t Wait To See – Dear White People

Holy crap I was just cruising Hulu when I found this, the title grabbed me and I had to watch the trailer.  The first trailer has a group of young “African American” (I put quotes because I hate adding something to American just to describe a slight aesthetic difference, don’t forget I’m “Mexican American”) standing in front of the box office at the theater drilling the poor guy about why every black character in movies is some sort of a cliché.  The movie appears to be a comedy because as we all know, you cant just come right out and say the things you want to but when put into joke form you can say almost anything you want.

The movie seems to take place on a college campus, the only place a conversation like this could even take place without old people talking about the “good old days.”  Even the material is comedic in nature the questions being asked are the right questions that need to be asked.  This movie seems to have the classics in it like, “racism is over.” 

The second trailer is much longer and more in depth about the movie.  The lead is female and black with a radio show.  It seems to be a movie where the overzealous meet the way too relaxed to create the racism spectrum of the movie.  Its making fun of the subject because the subject is not even really allowed to be a subject.  I agree that we have come a long way in race relations in America but we are at a breaking point and this is how the conversation gets started. 

I recommend this movie because I’m gonna watch it even if it doesn’t come to my racist redneck sister humpin town.

Theatrical release is 10-17-14

Bad News If You’re Scared Of Robots And Bees

I’m not going to lie, I’m scared of bees! And thanks to movies like Terminator, Terminator 2, and Robocop robots are the coolest scariest thing in the world. Now it looks like scientists are working on putting these two things together in an attempt to make me an insomniac.

I’ve never been stung by a bee but that’s mostly due to the complete fear of Africanized honey bees instilled in me by watching way too many movies about what could happen. Knowing nothing about bees makes them ever more scary because, to me, they all look like killer bees. Its not manly to admit being scared of something but when it comes biologically equipped with a knife and a suicidal need to kill, that tends to scare me. I’ll never get another wink of sleep knowing that there could be unkillable robot bees in the near future that could possible attack me like I got stuck under a thousand sowing machines of death.

They say that these little robot killing machines might be used for pollinating or maybe in search and rescue missions by observing and finding a way to copy the ability of a simple brain like a bee. Is it just me or is this how all those cheesy scary black and white monster movies started. Freakin scientists say to themselves hey what will happen if we upload this brain to this drone with missles on it and poof instant killing machine. Sure it’s a not a threat until it thinks the missiles it has are pollen and all the major cities on earth need to be pollinated.

Sounds like how the future happens in Terminator too, cant we pay attention in these movies instead of zoning out while trying to get a hand job. Lets pay attention people the future depends on it!

Will Somebody End Reality Shows Already?

I get it. How many times do we need to see that there are a lot of people out there that we need to feel superior to. After being dominated by an overbearing boss all day sometimes people just want to come home and see some people on tv that have it a lot worse than we do and arent even aware of it, I guess?

Snooki had a baby? Who freakin cares, I hope it becomes a doctor so somebody can finally tend to the myriad of STDs gestating in Snooki’s uterus from whence this last child spawned. For the record I don’t care if she is a stupid whore or if she’s a quantum physicist that enjoys knob gobbling as a religious activity. I don’t care about this girl! What I do care about is what this type of tv is doing to our nation as a whole. Celebrity has become the goal instead of being a byproduct of immense amounts of talent.

Now I know I have just fallen into the trap of talking about another showbiz whore that doesn’t really do anything but I need to make a point. I hate talking about tv shows with substance that I love just for somebody to bring up this awful piece of crap, I get it, you’re better than her in every way except your life isn’t interesting enough or whorey enough to be on tv!

The best way to combat the dumbing down of America is to once and for all stop talking about slutty good for nothing attention whores that don’t bring any talent to the table. But like most people, I am a hypocrite because I am so interested in watching that show about the two headed girl. Abby and Britney is a hilariously awesome show but maybe its because one of my dreams is to be in a threesome!

Stinkin Monkies 14- I Love Church

I think Church kids remember way better than they like it as adults for this very reason.  The more I think about it, the more I notice how much i used to sleep through church.  I actually have a memories of sleeping curled up under a bench and being totally left alone.  Good Times!  Church sleep has got to be some of the best sleep ever created.  I dont think you should get mad at people when they fall asleep in church because Jesus said you have to be like a child, and who sleeps more in church than a child.  Enjoy!

New Study Says Pot Makes You Dumb?

Fox news reports (so you know it’s the “truth”) that a new study shows that weed use causes a drop in IQ over time. If this is true this explains so many things about the people that I have known in my life but there is a fundamental flaw in this research. If this research is taken from the numbers from the test that are taken over time then that is going to be the flaw in this research. You cant expect a pot head to take a test and do well.

Have you ever met a pot head in real life, even the smart ones don’t look like the kind of people that feel like taking a test, especially to disprove the usefulness of Marijuana. Lets break down what a pot does to a person before we breakdown what these studies are showing. First of all this story is being put out by the Propaganda machine known as Fox News. Pot makes you lots of things like hungry, lazy, and all around paranoid. But one of the things pot also does it that it makes you examine the mundane that the rest of us take for granted. A pot head will spend hours contemplating why the number 9 is just the 6 doing a handstand. But one of the other things that it makes you contemplate is the usefulness of a study on something that should be legal when all the other legal drugs in our country are so much worse. How many pot related drunk driving accidents are there in a year or how many pot related lung cancer deaths? This entire argument is just arguing the same things over and over.

There is a joke, I think it’s a Bill Hicks joke, that talks about how pot doesn’t make you unmotivated because you have the same amount of motivation but pot just helps you realize it isn’t worth the effort. This is very true, so if you ask me the reason the IQ scores for these people go down is because they have seen beyond the IQ score only to realize that this study is just to prove what the people funding the research want proven to keep weed illegal. So who cares? Just the people in charge.

Maybe weed is bad for you but so is Alcohol, tobacco, guns, hamburgers, candy, soda, potato chips, sunlight, all types of medication, cars, tv, video games, movies, porn, tattoos, rock and roll, piercings, laziness, and almost anything else you might enjoy, so just enjoy!

Does Ape “Genius” Mean The End Of Humanity?

Its finally happening, Discovery news reports that they have identified a way above average chimp named Natasha. This chimp has outperformed all the other chimps on the test they administered but it wasn’t enough that she did better than everyone else she nearly aced every test. My question is what does this mean to the rest of the world?

If you’re a christian watching a genius monkey what goes through your mind? Anyone on the side of evolution is gonna think, logically I might add, that these types of things happen in the small window of time we have in the larger platform of evolution where the major change happens. But I would assume the average homosexual hating christian is going to think about every decision that they have ever made leading them up to the point of blindly not believing in evolution, then they’ll drag their knuckles over to a local bingo barn where, they obviously think about all things of the universe, and talk to Bubba and Hoss about this chimp. After a few of the lords beers they will get a message from their “god” spelled out in the alphabet soup they just vomited up in the parking lot and decide to go kill the chimp. But then again I’m just guessing that’s what happens in the middle of the country. (don’t forget I’m a christian too, I just like making fun of the stupid ones)

I just wonder what this means on a grander human scale. If there is a genius chimp that exists there will be a time that the super genius monkey will exist and at the rate humanity is devolving maybe there needs to be a new animal at the top of the food chain. But like any good human will do, we will be sure to kill the rise of the super genius chimps to make sure they wont use up all “our” resources and take all the low level jobs that no one but illegal immigrants want because only then will the immigration debate end. We will band together as stupid people and once again try and stop something mother earth has put into motion to destroy us that we believe is the work of the devil! GO HUMANS!

Stinkin Monkies 13- Silly Hipsters

If you've ever seen a hipster then you know exactly what its like to just want to go up to them and start laughing.  Hipsters are so silly, from the way they dress to the fact that they think they're all unique by being the same.  They make me laugh because they wear girl pants, skinny jeans, you can call them what you want but they only look good on girls. Enjoy!

Creepy Chinese Fashion Strikes- The Facekini

There are a few reasons that China will never be like America and this is one of the biggest reasons. A complete lack of fashion sense that is so sad its hilarious. Don’t get me wrong I think China is an awesome place full of a great people and history but fashion has never been their strong suit.

China is responsible for some of the worst trends in the world like bootlegging electronics, lead in toys, and Jackie Chan movies…. I’m just kidding on that last one. But the worst thing that has ever come out of China since Sars is the Facekini. Such a hilariously creepy piece of dysfunctional clothing to keep swimmers and beach goers free from getting a tan or sunburned all while looking like a burn victim. I must say when China collectively looks through their year book 20 years from now the disbelief at what a mistake the face sock is going to shock them. Plus we already have this thing its called a ski mask, people use it to ski and rob liquor stores.

I want someone to tell me why in the world this would ever be considered fashionable. Is being pale seen as a good quality in China, its culture I guess but if that’s what you want then stay inside wear a hat and deal with it like the rest of us. There is no reason to go outside looking like a professional Mexican wrestler that is about to hold a childs cartoon at gunpoint.

I cant wait to see the effects of this mask. With only your eyes and mouth showing and your not going to be shy about being inside because the mask fixes everything, then tell me one thing, are the tan lines around your eyes and mouth helping bring in the dates. These people are going to look like they had an eyes and mouth donation from Brazil all the while thinking they look hot in their burn mask.

Hats off to you China, of all the things you have done this is definitely the funniest!

Holy Crap Pakistan Has Blasphemy Laws!!

I’m not a very informed person as you can tell by my blog posts and T-shirt designs. But I saw something today that blew my hair back, Pakistan has blasphemy laws. Holy Crap! I thought we were past these times but, like any other American, I forgot there was a side of the globe that isn’t even close to getting past it.

I am the kind of person that just assumes everything is my fault so whenever something happens in the world I have to look at how I affected it or how it effects me. There is a Christian girl in Pakistan that is being held for allegations of burning a Quran (of which there is no proof). But before I could even pass judgments I first had to think that as a Christian this is how the word was spread all over the world. Sure it was spread organically but as soon as the Romans adopted it that’s when all hell broke loose. So now as a collective Christian community gathers together to pass judgment on something that just a few decades ago we were doing ourselves we remain oblivious to the hypocrisy of it all.

With that being said what the hell is a matter with you, its just a book. The consequences of burning a few measly pages out of this book can result in life in prison and/or execution (I guess life in prison is execution if you wait long enough). Its just a twist to see Christians persecuted, in America it’s the other way around bur its out of sheer stupidity. “Oh no, we have a black president with a bit of an odd name that sounds middle eastern, so lets tell everyone the Muslims are taking over!” I have literally heard people say that by the end of Obamas term they muslims will be chasing us in the streets. And yet we look at Pakistan with disgust when the Muslims hate Christians.

There needs to be a way to fight all the stupid in religion. The only thing that comes to mind is an I.Q. test before being allowed to talk in public, but even that wouldn’t be enough to stop all the rampant ignorance in this country much less the world. I want people to think about Pakistan when they say that America is a Christian nation. Its nowhere near as Christian as Pakistan is Muslim, holy crap when is the last time our government killed someone over taking the lords name in vain, if that ever happened the streets would be running red with blood. So before you jump on your Christian high horse and judge these people just think of a few things like the Salem witch trials, the Crusades, Catholic priests touching little boys, the murders of Muslim American citizens by Christian extremists, Ted Haggard, Jimmy Swaggart, the murders of Gay American citizens by Christian extremists, and last but not least Hitler claimed to be Christian.

Is Mothera Real?

Mutant butterflies in Japan are reported after the nuclear disaster. Holy Crap isn’t that how Mothera was created in the first place. We need to hurry up and create a Godzilla just to keep everyone but Tokyo safe. This is so crazy because this is how comic books and childrens cartoons start, this is never supposed to happen in real life.

How can you be expected to sleep at night with the thought that somewhere in the world a mutant butterfly is alive and maybe reproducing. All it takes is 1 X-men like offspring to create an entirely new head of the food chain. Thanks to Japan all those cheesy old fifties movies about killer anything just might become reality. If there are mutant butterflies then why wouldn’t there be mutant ants or the scariest of all the cheesy old movies, Spiders (bum bum buummmmm).

Japan is a tiny island right and they constantly get pummeled by natural type crap right? Why the hell did they put a nuclear facility in the middle of that or even think to really waterproof it? Get your crap together scientists! The one thing I hope can come out of this in a real way is I hope there is a radioactive spider somewhere and it will bite a really nice guy with good morals. Because we’re gonna need a Spiderman to be able to fight off Mothra until we can create a Godzilla. See the predicament you’ve gotten us into Japan.

I’m scared of Spiders, now the possibility of a mutant spider making its way around the world like in Arachnophobia is a real possibility, thanks a lot Japan!

Is It Just Me Or Does Katy Perry Look Like A Foot?

If you’re anything like me this chick has been getting on your nerves for a long time. Its not really her but its what she represents that drives me insane. A general popularized sense of mediocrity. Everything about her is just…. I don’t know how to describe it except, Blah!

She tries her hardest to prove that she is someone crazy and unique but who are you kidding really? If I didn’t have a niece I would even give a crap about this stuff but this kind of stuff just keeps getting shoved down these kids ear holes. When is the last time you heard one of her songs or for that matter any “pop” song and thought I don’t think I could ever do that. She makes herself look like a clown at a kids birthday party and then everyone starts yammering about how unique and different she is. Michael Jackson is the perfect example of someone that proved they were unique and different with their music and dancing and in a far third was his face looking like something from Tales From The Crypt.

Now there is a whole bunch of buzz about Katy Perry and her new commercial and a new natural beautiful look. Once again let me say that this wouldn’t matter to me in the slightest if I didn’t have a niece. But everything about Katy Perry is so bland from her music to her face. Am I the only one that is reminded of a foot when I look at her. I never understood how this chick became famous for anything other than her nice big Tatas (that’s boobs for the layman). It just aggravates me so bad because I am trying to show my niece that its cool to be yourself no matter how weird you are but true unique is on the inside not the outside. If you have a notion to be peculiar then be peculiar but do it in your own way. Stupid hair doesn’t make you fun or crazy.

Zooey Deschannel and Katy Perry..... so unique its exactly alike

I Blame Taylor Swift

Election time is coming around again and if your anything like me you’re getting really sick of hearing about all of it. So I’m gonna talk about an open mic I went to on Saturday and yes I blame the entire experience on Taylor Swift. Dam Taylor Swift why do you have to be so inspiring…. Especially to people that don’t have talent.

I went to an open mic Saturday because I missed my Thursday open mic (that’s a post for another day). If I havent told you I’m working on some comedy stuff, you know stand up comedy. So doing horrible is all part of the process so I decided I would just get started. Anyway fast forward to last Saturday and the room filled up with people with instruments. They all look really young, so I hate em already (not really but kinda). I figure this will be fun because I love music and especially live music and then I also get to go on stage so this is gonna be awesome right, WRONG!

The first band goes up and instantly I can tell that I have shoes older than most of the band. To make things worse this is west Texas, a desert, and these guys are wearing those ski caps…. In the middle of the summer in Texas. With all these things working against them there is one band member that looks like Uh Huh from the Little Rascals movie so I figure I’ll judge their music. They start playing and suddenly I wish I could have made it to the Thursday open mic. I give them props for trying but this stuff sucks and it appears that no one around them is letting them know that. They were even selling Cds which I found hilarious. Don’t get me wrong I’m all for encouraging someone that is working towards something but I get jealous when someone is funnier than me without even trying.

I blame Taylor Swift. She was writing music and performing it like a prodigy and just had an emotional depth that was just so relatable to her audience. Now it seems that her audience thinks they are all the same, because arent we all special. I especially blame Taylor Swift for the blonde girl that went up with a guitar. The poor girl couldn’t sing and not in the American Idol “she doesn’t have a big voice” but she didn’t sound good. It just made me sad. Well, I guess its not just Taylor Swift but thats who I’m blaming because I’m a grown man and I love her music (that seems like something I should have kept to myself but oh well).

The thing that made it worse is that they would never get the hell off the stage, the ear rape just went on and on and on and on and…….

　

The Pope Won’t Forgive His Butler For Theft

Is it just me or is this whole world going crazy? It must be because its an election year, time to bring out the scare tactics. The Los Angeles Times reported that Pope “what’s his face” (RIP Greg Giraldo) Bendict‘s butler is getting brought up on charges for stealing. Like I’ve said before in other posts that I am a christian and have been for a long time and I just don’t understand things like this. You’re the Pope right, to the catholics you’re the next best thing to Jesus. Jesus would forgive this guy and tell him to go on his way and sin no more, wouldn’t he?

My first question is, why does the Pope have a butler? This seems like the kind of guy that can move around and clean up after himself. Would Jesus have a butler, I think not. Jesus didn’t even have a house, but then again Jesus wouldn’t have been a Nazi either.

This guy (meaning the butler) leaked internal documents form the catholic church revealing all kinds of, lets just say, bad stuff. He’s trying to do what he believes to be a noble thing. Lets just put this into perspective. He worked with the Pope, the closest thing to an actual powerful monarch on this planet, and he probably got to talk to him and meet his friends. The Pope was his boss and maybe even his friend not to mention the whole infallible thing that the Catholics believe him to be. The Pope gives this guy his days off and vacation days. And to thank him you turn around and leak the secret things you were privileged enough to see. This tells me 1 thing, The Pope must be a giant butt hole behind closed doors.

The Pope is like a mafia boss and messing with him is going to bring this poor butler a whole world of hurt. Because when the Catholic church goes after somebody all you can do for them is pray…. Am I right Crusades.

Stinkin Monkies 12- Do What I Say

Dont you hate it when this happens?  I hate it when this happens and I dont even have kids. This recently happened to me and it drove me insane, not literally though.  This is one of those scenarios that single and parentless people run through their heads, we all know you cant really do it but it just seems like a real great way to deal with a problem child.  Hope you enjoy it! 

Eat It Michael Bay- Transformers- Fall Of Cybertron

The fans have finally been heard! And it wsasnt freakin Michael Bay to listen. He destroyed Devastator but my childhood feels less raped because the demo for Fall Of Cybertron has dropped. In Your face Michael Bay!

We don’t need no stinkin Constructicons with no personality, we have swindle and the Combaticons who form Bruiticus. It is stunning, watching just the trailers and animation of the combaticons forming Bruiticus is what I had wanted for the Transformers movie but hey better late than never, right.

Grimlock. The dinobots are finally in something. I have been waiting for this since I was a kid and wanted the toys but never got them. This is the one character that could have made the 3^rd movie not blow so hard. Grimlock if your reading this….. I love you!

Dowload it and play it for yourself…. Its too awesome.

No Mexicans On Mars Either

Is it just me or does Mars look like Arizona? There is so much corruption in the powers from media to the tops of conspiracy theory so how can you really believe anything that is said, ever. The report has come in that the Mars rover has landed and sent back the first pictures…. Woohoo! I’m just kidding I don’t care either but this just got me thinking.

There is more technology in your cell phone than there was in the 1^st Apollo mission. So how exactly did they get that shuttle to the moon . We can turn to cartoons for the answer to this one. Do you remember the old Looney Tunes cartoons where they were trying to get to somewhere high and Acme would show up and strap a rocket to their back. Well, that’s exactly what these people did. The only thing they did different was point it at the moon and the rocket was way bigger.

But there is also the theory that the moon landing was faked and the “evidence” they present is not that bad. In my opinion I say we should always treat popular opinion they way Mexicans are treated in Arizona… Guilty until proven innocent! How about I don’t believe you until you can get me on the moon or at least someone I know because I don’t wanna die.

I’m gonna treat these Mars pictures the same way. I am from West Texas, I know what a dust storm in the desert looks like. Your not showing me anything new here, NASA. This could literally be a picture of some desert with the streets out of view. I saw the Michael Bay movie, there aren’t even any transformers in the shot…. Or have they been photoshoped out.

Either way you slice it I’m sure the Martians are going to be way more welcoming to Mexicans than Arizona is, so lets get those colonies up and running so we can send Americans to Mars and they can get angry about all the Mexicans that are showing up illegally.

The Art Of The Open Mic

Recently I have been going to the local open mic and if you have never been to one I highly suggest going. The open mic is a magical land where the things you say can actually be heard by a group of disgruntled people looking for an outlet. The particular open mic that I have been going to is for “comedy.” I’m from a town with no comedy except for the stray comedian that comes through here every now and then, so expectations are pretty low and I’m happy about that.

The first time I went there weren’t that many people and their rule is that the longer you have been going the earlier you get to go on stage, which really sucks for the new guy. So, if its your first time you get to sit through everybody’s jokes and the fear will paralyze your ear drums and you wont even be able to hear anything. You keep looking over your jokes because most of the time you wont have the foresight to memorize it anyway. Looking over the jokes you realize that none of it is funny like you thought it was (relax that just the pre-stage jitters) so you start to mark off any and all the jokes you think wont get a laugh. As you run out of material you begin to consider that maybe its just nerves that have made you mark all these lines on your notes.

And after the torture of having to wait the whole time then it becomes your moment. Here’s a tip for the first timer, don’t sit too far in the back because you’ll want to get to the stage while they’re still clapping, for self esteem purposes. Then they call your name and your heart starts racing, you get up and your knees are weak. You walk on stage concentrating on not falling down. Raising your head you see all the hopeful faces waiting for you to make them laugh. You’re in luck, they’re on your side.

Now its time to be funny.