Top 5 Ways To Deal With A Bully

The first thing I am going to say is don’t become a bully yourself!  I am also going to tell you not to do the things that I did, I did not attack my bullies head on but in a round about way that may have traumatized them in a different way. I guess I became the bully that day.  To be fair though, there are different types of bullies.  There is the damaged bully, you know the guy from The Breakfast Club.  That is the guy that needs to inflict pain because he wants the world to mirror what he’s going thru.  There is also the “Alpha.”  Hes not really an alpha but hes taking what he sees to be the path of least resistance to obtaining dominance. The sum it up tho they are both dicks and here are my top 5 ways to deal with them.

#5- Avoid them

This goes without saying and if you’re dealing with a bully its something you’ve already tried.  This may not be the easiest thing but it is much easier that getting punched in the face or humiliated on a daily basis.  Some people may think this is the cowards way out but life isn’t the Roman Colosseum. It is also strategic because simple people get bored of not constantly stimulated so if they don’t have you they’ll find someone else.  I’ve tried this one and I can say its effective, the only problem with it is that it is not permanent.  They always find their way back, even if it isn’t the same guy its another guy, but the same guy.

#4- Talk

Admittedly this doesn’t work that often.  Sometimes tho, the bully is just in pain and is dealing with it the only way he knows how.  I know life isn’t an after school special but a lot of times bullies end up becoming friends with the people they bully.  Weird.  So, just because a person is being a dick doesn’t mean he’s doing it for fun. Treat them like people even tho they don’t deserve it.

#3- Stand up

This is when you’re starting to run out of options.  Most of the time a bully is like a cat just looking for a weak mouse to pounce on.  Most bullies like to feel superior and are looking for the path of least resistance. Nobody wants trouble all the time and that’s what they will get if you stand up to a bully everytime they pick on you. Doesn’t always work but it willy usually do the trick. There used to be a guy that would try to pick on me and every time I would just get in his face and ask him to hit me. Not always the best idea and it didn’t make him go away but he did it less and less until he finally stopped.

#2- Fight (I do not recommend this one)

Sometimes there is no other choice.  Sometimes another person will cause you so much grief that you have no other choice but to put on your big boy pants and throw down.  Usually a person is picking on you because they are bigger than you so fighting isn’t the smartest choice but it could be necessary, when you show you’re not afraid of a bully you take away their power. But since they are bigger than you you have to be willing to take the beating of a lifetime, it may not happen but you gotta be ready.

#1- Be Creative (I do not recommend this one)

Now, this one is my favorite one that’s why its number one.  I do not recommend  this one but it’s a lot of fun.  This one is where you be creative to deal with your bully problem. Not sure what that means huh? Well how about some examples.  When I was in jr high, there was this kid much smaller than me but 1000 times meaner.  He would make fun of me, constantly talking crap. One day I finally had enough and decided to do something but I’m a peaceful person, I don’t like fighting. So it was time to be creative.  I decided to look over his shoulder over the course of a week and get his locker combination.  So when I got it me and a friend of mine went to his locker when the halls were empty and opened it. What did I have planned you might ask? Nothing. I had nothing planned, so I improvised.  I pulled out his sack lunch threw it on the floor and my friend and I stomped on it and threw it back into his locker. Lame huh? I kinda thought so until juice started leaking from the bottom of his locker. It turned out we busted his juice box and he had to pay for all of his school textbooks. But wait theres more. Me and my bully ran in the same circles so this day I ended up having to sit at his table during lunch and watch him eat the lunch that me and my friend had so happily smashed. It was one of the saddest things I ever saw. He found out it was me and never messed with me again.

The moral of this story is don’t be like me and deal with your problems in a productive way. I became the bully when I watched him drink out of a crushed juicebox.  I still think about it… and it makes me laugh and feel sad at the same time

What’s Wrong With Being Like Scrooge?

Howdy folks its been a while, I’ve been way busier than I thought I would be, but I had to do a post about this because (I know its late) this has been nagging at me for a little while. Tis the season or at least Tis the day after the season and I went to see a local play about scrooge. It was an adaptation called The Gospel According to Scrooge so keep in mind if the things that I say sound a little weird its because this play was a little different. But I have 1 question, what exactly was Scrooge doing that was so wrong that everybody had to come screw with him?

The entire story rides on the premise that scrooge was this dick of epic proportions when in reality he was just a workaholic that hated Christmas. Whats so wrong with that, there’s no rule that you have to love Christmas and even the bible says that one of the only joys a man can have is enjoying what he does. So whats the problem here? If I’m not mistaken in the story Scrooge is some kind of banker or lender, granted that these are some of the most heartless people in the world, but everybody hates him because he wants to do his business and not be messed with. Also it seems like a really small community and it seemed like everybody wanted to be his friend. Here again Scrooge seems like a bastard because he doesn’t want to be their friend but if you take a second look, Scrooges nephew is very poor and in need of lots of help for Timmy. Just a part of the story focuses on Scrooge failing his nephew (I’ll concede that Scrooge is a pecker of epic proportions and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my niece and nephew) but with this great and super friendly community why don’t they get together and help out little Timmy. Because like Scrooge their money is their money.

All in all Scrooge seemed like a rich old bastard that just wanted to keep to himself because he had lead a pretty hard life. Life kept kicking this guy down until he buckled down and got to work and defeated life. Its easy if you’ve never been poor to look at this guy and say why wont he take a day off but when you’re poor nobody gives you any hand outs, I don’t care what the politicians say. He made it, he got rich but it seemed like life wasn’t done kicking him in the head. From a human perspective being a dick is bad but in reality some people are better off being left alone.

The real moral of this story is nobody wants to be your friend when you’re poor but everybody wants to be your friend when your rich. Is it just me or does this story not really jive with the American Dream?

Thoughts In A Wal-Mart Part 2

Walking into a Wal-Mart has got to be what its like to trudge your way through a post apocalyptic wasteland. I picture myself like Denzel Washington in the book of Eli every time I walk into a that horrible place. Here are a few thoughts.

“Ugh here we go again” “what are you looking at fat guys can be in the fruit aisle too” “what an ugly baby” “I never thought I would see a baby whose life would be improved by being dropped” “why do people look at me funny when I wear my Green Lantern shirt” “I wish I had a green lantern ring, I would use it to make a basket to carry all of my stuff but it would be like a chariot” “why does shopping here feel like I’m kicking human rights right in the balls”

One of my trips to Wal-Mart is never complete until I get to the toy aisle.

“here we go, lets see what transformers they have” “what the hell is up with these prices since I was a kid” “what are you looking at kid I can look at transformers too” “toy aisles are the best place to fart” “bombs away kid, enjoy” “I bet I look like a retard in the toy aisle with my Green Lantern shirt” “uh oh I’m feeling self conscious I think its time to go”

Thoughts In A Wal-Mart

There is almost nothing more depressing than walking through a Wal-Mart if you still cling to hope like a turd to a butt hair. The only other place that such sadness should exist is in the hours after a nuclear attack. Everyone trudges through the aisles of Wal-Mart with only survival on their minds because it isn’t a place you go when your in a hurry.

The following is a series of thoughts walking during a Wal-Mart experience.

“why is there never a place to park in this horrible wasteland” “haha look tube top at 2 o’clock with a 5 o’clock shadow” “why cant I grow hair like her” “can you slit your wrist with an electric razor” “I wonder if she ever got a razor for Christmas and didn’t understand why” “Maybe I should get a jump on Christmas shopping while I’m here” “ oh theres a spot next to that huge truck’ “I always heard big trucks mean small penises” “is the same true for mini trucks” “do I need a basket or should I just kill myself with a rope I find inside” “a lady with a baby next to the door, she must be waiting for her baby daddy” “can you put baby daddy on a resume” “ baby daddy sounds like a guy that started having kids way too early” “my feet hurt” “is it finally gonna happen” “is this the day that I finally start using the scooter” “its an energy saver but I could never look myself in the mirror” “who needs a mirror when you have a scooter” “sorry scooter not today”

To be continued…..

Nightmares That Make You Go To Church

This isn’t a continuation of my older bog series about the Shadow but this is one that I had a few nights ago that freaked me out just as much as one about the shadow. The shadow may not have been in this one but the feeling was the same as the ones that he is in, so I think his essence was there. The shadow is a dark force that creeps into some of my dreams that always effects me to my core and whatever it was in this one felt exactly the same.

The dream started out at a sort of hospital with two waiting rooms on opposite sides of the building. There was a dream going on before this but I don’t really remember what it was about but the nightmare started as I entered the waiting room to the far left. The doors were automatic sliding doors like the kind at a Wal-Mart. As soon as I walked in I noticed a group of red hooded people some sitting some looking but I was unable to see the faces of any of them. While standing there observing them another group of them started walking past me at this point the other people in the waiting room started getting scared and leaving and it made me wonder who they were. Just as one of them was passing me they stopped and I knew it was because of me. The hooded person standing within arms length and turning around toward me I was paralyzed by curiosity and fear. Expecting something that looked like the monster from The Village, it turned out to be a blonde girl. Dead blue eyes piercing right through me with a blank expression somehow communicating to the others without words as the rest of them begin to turn. Finally my fear gives way to survival and I turn and run out of that waiting room to the other waiting room. (the hooded girls don’t come back, they just seemed to set the tone for the rest of the dream)

The other waiting room is full of people and they are all whispering, “who are they,” and “where did they come from.” I could only assume that they were referring to the group of hooded girls. After I walked into the room I realized they were not talking about the hooded girls but a group of children that seemed to appear out of nowhere. There were no records for or of these kids, no parents and not even they knew who they were. They just stood there in their pajamas like they expected to be there. There was no panic out of any of them but there was sense of dread, like they knew something was coming.

In this waiting room there were two exits, the one I came through and another one around the corner to the help desk. At the other door there came a pounding and some screams. Once again paralyzed by fear I stood there with the kids and the rest of the crowd to see what was coming. A man turns the corner with the look of a zombie but it was something darker. It killed people on its way in and it was looking for a new host. No one moved as it came stumbling toward us dragging its feet with its sights set on the children. I couldn’t let that happen, I had to stop it.

I got up from my chair and kicked this thing in the stomach to push it against a wall where I began to throw fist after fist to its face. All of it doing nothing so I start just trying to push it outside when it happened. The dream was a little fuzzy on this part so I’m not sure if it entered me or I became the monster but either way I am now the monster. I can feel my consciousness begin to lose its control so while I had control of the body I ran as fast and as hard as I could down a hall. I was looking for a room with everything I needed so I ran into what I remember as a bathroom. There on the floor was what I was looking for, rope. I tie it to a fixture as fast as I can and then around my neck without thinking twice about it. I turned out I had to climb over the top of the stall so the rope could loop around and there would be no slack so I got on the toilet and climbed the stall wall. As soon as I reached he top I let myself fall over the other side and the rope tightened around my and I could no longer breathe. I was aware of everything while my vision dimmed and I gasped for air. I knew it was almost over as soon as I closed my eyes and gave in the struggle would finally be over. Just as my eyes began to close I saw 2 little things fly into the room. One of them was red and they were both small. I could feel their nails dig into my thighs as they dug their nails in to steady themselves. I don’t know who or what they were but they were there to stop me from killing the monster. They began slicing at my eyes with razors and I could feel it, it literally hurt my eyes to be in this part of the dream. The more they sliced the more my eyes hurt and they dug and scraped until my eye lids were completely removed.

At this point they were gone and I could see my body and what they did. They turned me into a toy with eyes wide open so the next child to find me could be the next host to whatever it was.

This dream totally freaked me out when I woke up and my right eye hurt like crazy. The part I thought was the craziest though is I had two little scratches on my cheek when I woke up.

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A Little Story About A Boy Called Nancy- Part 2

Now that Nancys father is gone what o what will they do? There was a knock at the door, “O Joy” Nancys mother cheered, “Emily is here.” Emily was a sister in law but she was no regular sister in law, Emily had a heart of gold. Nancys mother and Emily sat on the couch and talk for hours and hours, Emily listened to all of their problems. “What o what will we do, Emily” Nancys mother asked, “my parents are old and can only take care of themselves, we are a burden on them.”

Emily had an idea and it was a doozy, “Why don’t you get a job?” Emily asked. Nancys mother had not even thought about it because she liked to blame all her problems on other people. “I will baby sit for you while your at work” Emily explained “I have to stay home with my baby anyway I can take care of yours too.” This was not good news for Nancys mother because she would miss all her shows and be tired a lot.

“Okay, that’s what I’ll do.” Nancys mother said with hesitation.

The first day Nancys mother went to Emilys house and knocked on the door, Emily opened the door but she was not alone. A little boy with only a pamper on and nice head of combed hair peeked out from behind Emilys dress. Emily took Nancy in her arms and brought him into her home, Emilys son did not know why there was a baby interfering with his mommy time but he was happy to have a new friend.

It was lunchtime and Emily loved to feed people so much her husband had grown a nice little tummy that Emilys son loved to jump on. Emily began to feed Nancy but Nancy was now about 18 months old and he still loved throwing fits. Nancy screamed and yelled no matter how delicious the food was, he was so much trouble for Emily but she never ran out of patience with him. He didn’t like when he wasn’t the center of attention so he became jealous of Emilys son for getting some of Emilys attention. Emilys son still wanted to be friends with Nancy but Nancy only wanted his toys. Emilys son was not as patient as Emily because Nancy tried and tried to steal toys him but he would always get caught. Emilys son did not like Nancy at all because he was kleptomaniac.

“Stop” Emilys son would yell but Nancy would not. This went on for months but Nancy only cared about taking his toys so Emilys son began to stand up for himself. The last day Nancy tried to take a Chuck Norris action figure that Emilys son love more than any of his other toys so Emilys son did what Chuck Norris would do, he snatched the toy out of Nancys pocket and pushed him down and Yelled “NO!!” as loud as he could. Nancy fell to the floor and began to cry and throw a fit but Nancy never tried to steal from Emilys son again.

Stay tuned for more about A Boy Called Nancy