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Monday, October 10, 2011

Thoughts In A Wal-Mart

There is almost nothing more depressing than walking through a Wal-Mart if you still cling to hope like a turd to a butt hair. The only other place that such sadness should exist is in the hours after a nuclear attack. Everyone trudges through the aisles of Wal-Mart with only survival on their minds because it isn’t a place you go when your in a hurry.

The following is a series of thoughts walking during a Wal-Mart experience.

“why is there never a place to park in this horrible wasteland” “haha look tube top at 2 o’clock with a 5 o’clock shadow” “why cant I grow hair like her” “can you slit your wrist with an electric razor” “I wonder if she ever got a razor for Christmas and didn’t understand why” “Maybe I should get a jump on Christmas shopping while I’m here” “ oh theres a spot next to that huge truck’ “I always heard big trucks mean small penises” “is the same true for mini trucks” “do I need a basket or should I just kill myself with a rope I find inside” “a lady with a baby next to the door, she must be waiting for her baby daddy” “can you put baby daddy on a resume” “ baby daddy sounds like a guy that started having kids way too early” “my feet hurt” “is it finally gonna happen” “is this the day that I finally start using the scooter” “its an energy saver but I could never look myself in the mirror” “who needs a mirror when you have a scooter” “sorry scooter not today”

To be continued…..

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