Top 5 Ways To Deal With A Bully

The first thing I am going to say is don’t become a bully yourself!  I am also going to tell you not to do the things that I did, I did not attack my bullies head on but in a round about way that may have traumatized them in a different way. I guess I became the bully that day.  To be fair though, there are different types of bullies.  There is the damaged bully, you know the guy from The Breakfast Club.  That is the guy that needs to inflict pain because he wants the world to mirror what he’s going thru.  There is also the “Alpha.”  Hes not really an alpha but hes taking what he sees to be the path of least resistance to obtaining dominance. The sum it up tho they are both dicks and here are my top 5 ways to deal with them.

#5- Avoid them

This goes without saying and if you’re dealing with a bully its something you’ve already tried.  This may not be the easiest thing but it is much easier that getting punched in the face or humiliated on a daily basis.  Some people may think this is the cowards way out but life isn’t the Roman Colosseum. It is also strategic because simple people get bored of not constantly stimulated so if they don’t have you they’ll find someone else.  I’ve tried this one and I can say its effective, the only problem with it is that it is not permanent.  They always find their way back, even if it isn’t the same guy its another guy, but the same guy.

#4- Talk

Admittedly this doesn’t work that often.  Sometimes tho, the bully is just in pain and is dealing with it the only way he knows how.  I know life isn’t an after school special but a lot of times bullies end up becoming friends with the people they bully.  Weird.  So, just because a person is being a dick doesn’t mean he’s doing it for fun. Treat them like people even tho they don’t deserve it.

#3- Stand up

This is when you’re starting to run out of options.  Most of the time a bully is like a cat just looking for a weak mouse to pounce on.  Most bullies like to feel superior and are looking for the path of least resistance. Nobody wants trouble all the time and that’s what they will get if you stand up to a bully everytime they pick on you. Doesn’t always work but it willy usually do the trick. There used to be a guy that would try to pick on me and every time I would just get in his face and ask him to hit me. Not always the best idea and it didn’t make him go away but he did it less and less until he finally stopped.

#2- Fight (I do not recommend this one)

Sometimes there is no other choice.  Sometimes another person will cause you so much grief that you have no other choice but to put on your big boy pants and throw down.  Usually a person is picking on you because they are bigger than you so fighting isn’t the smartest choice but it could be necessary, when you show you’re not afraid of a bully you take away their power. But since they are bigger than you you have to be willing to take the beating of a lifetime, it may not happen but you gotta be ready.

#1- Be Creative (I do not recommend this one)

Now, this one is my favorite one that’s why its number one.  I do not recommend  this one but it’s a lot of fun.  This one is where you be creative to deal with your bully problem. Not sure what that means huh? Well how about some examples.  When I was in jr high, there was this kid much smaller than me but 1000 times meaner.  He would make fun of me, constantly talking crap. One day I finally had enough and decided to do something but I’m a peaceful person, I don’t like fighting. So it was time to be creative.  I decided to look over his shoulder over the course of a week and get his locker combination.  So when I got it me and a friend of mine went to his locker when the halls were empty and opened it. What did I have planned you might ask? Nothing. I had nothing planned, so I improvised.  I pulled out his sack lunch threw it on the floor and my friend and I stomped on it and threw it back into his locker. Lame huh? I kinda thought so until juice started leaking from the bottom of his locker. It turned out we busted his juice box and he had to pay for all of his school textbooks. But wait theres more. Me and my bully ran in the same circles so this day I ended up having to sit at his table during lunch and watch him eat the lunch that me and my friend had so happily smashed. It was one of the saddest things I ever saw. He found out it was me and never messed with me again.

The moral of this story is don’t be like me and deal with your problems in a productive way. I became the bully when I watched him drink out of a crushed juicebox.  I still think about it… and it makes me laugh and feel sad at the same time

Who Cares About The Oscars?

Am I the only one that doesn’t care about the Oscars. I mean honestly who cares, there are way more important things going on in the world, I could tell you if I knew what they were. I watch tv and I love movies but really who cares about the people in them. The best part of the oscars is know that after they show telling people I don’t watch them leaves us with nothing to talk about. Good.

How the hell are there all these industries built around the lives of people that pretend to be other people for money. Hey I pretended to be a president all you guys should follow me around and pay attention to what kind of latte I buy.

All the celebrities look like they statues of the ancient greek gods. Maybe those were all the greek Oscars. They gave the Zeus to the best actor, best war movie gets the Ares and so on. I really hope the world ends soon because I’m afraid of what future societies will think of our culture. They paid no attention to social issues but they were glued to the Oscars. (in alien voice) the oscars were when they would take the best pretenders of the make believe stories that everybody thought they were good enough to be in, and put them all in a room and made sure all the men dressed exactly alike and the women would do their best to show off their reproductive organs while wearing the most fabric possible. Once they all get in one room they all look at the few of them that get a small golden carving of an ambiguous male likeness , all the while everyone who couldn’t get in beg, cry, fight, scorn and make fun of everyone inside trying to get in or in hopes of one day to get an invitation.

Sorry I’ll just watch something else. Who cares?

What’s Wrong With Being Like Scrooge?

Howdy folks its been a while, I’ve been way busier than I thought I would be, but I had to do a post about this because (I know its late) this has been nagging at me for a little while. Tis the season or at least Tis the day after the season and I went to see a local play about scrooge. It was an adaptation called The Gospel According to Scrooge so keep in mind if the things that I say sound a little weird its because this play was a little different. But I have 1 question, what exactly was Scrooge doing that was so wrong that everybody had to come screw with him?

The entire story rides on the premise that scrooge was this dick of epic proportions when in reality he was just a workaholic that hated Christmas. Whats so wrong with that, there’s no rule that you have to love Christmas and even the bible says that one of the only joys a man can have is enjoying what he does. So whats the problem here? If I’m not mistaken in the story Scrooge is some kind of banker or lender, granted that these are some of the most heartless people in the world, but everybody hates him because he wants to do his business and not be messed with. Also it seems like a really small community and it seemed like everybody wanted to be his friend. Here again Scrooge seems like a bastard because he doesn’t want to be their friend but if you take a second look, Scrooges nephew is very poor and in need of lots of help for Timmy. Just a part of the story focuses on Scrooge failing his nephew (I’ll concede that Scrooge is a pecker of epic proportions and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my niece and nephew) but with this great and super friendly community why don’t they get together and help out little Timmy. Because like Scrooge their money is their money.

All in all Scrooge seemed like a rich old bastard that just wanted to keep to himself because he had lead a pretty hard life. Life kept kicking this guy down until he buckled down and got to work and defeated life. Its easy if you’ve never been poor to look at this guy and say why wont he take a day off but when you’re poor nobody gives you any hand outs, I don’t care what the politicians say. He made it, he got rich but it seemed like life wasn’t done kicking him in the head. From a human perspective being a dick is bad but in reality some people are better off being left alone.

The real moral of this story is nobody wants to be your friend when you’re poor but everybody wants to be your friend when your rich. Is it just me or does this story not really jive with the American Dream?