Smelly Finger Tshirts

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Saturday, June 30, 2012

Smells Like Crap Talkin Podcast- Smells Like Pee- Episode 2

Here is the New Episode of Smells Like Crap Talkin- the official podcast of This episode is called Smells Like Pee because in it I talk of getting kicked out of the library, living in the ghetto, and taking a pee pee on myself.  Hope you enjoy it!

Friday, June 29, 2012

Stinkin Monkies 6

Well, another week and another episode of Stinkin Monkies. I'm still developing the character if you notice "ears" (I still havent come up with a name yet) talks with an sh instead of a regular s. But I'm still working on it, I hope you enjoy the jokes.

Back stories and animated shorts (maybe) coming soon.

Thursday, June 28, 2012

Are PC Users Poor?

Well, somebody finally did the research that I have been dreading since the ipod got popular. Thanks to Orbitz the thing we all knew but never talked about is that the Mac user has and spends more money than the PC user (Just so you know I’m typing this on a pc).

I think the only reason that it became a story for the papers is because only Mac users and old people will spend their money on Newspapers. If you didn’t at least suspect this already then you are probably still poking around with a floppy disk drive. Is this really news to anyone? Do you know why I use a pc? I’ll give you a hint, its not out of preference. Yeah those things are expensive compared to a $300 dollar cheap computer you can pick up on sale at Wal-Mart (that’s now where I got mine, it was a different sale).

I have another news flash (I’m gonna be sending out press releases later) people who drive a Mercedes have lost of disposable income on average. I don’t even have to take a poll or track your internet use to find that out. I figured it out when I tried to buy one and put my hand in my pocket and only felt my leg.

Just because Orbitz got caught with their hand in the cookie jar is no reason to come down on them. Orbitz is only pulling from a tree of apples that has plenty of apples to go around (that’s easier than learning how to stretch your apples).

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Hello Kitty Has An Airline?

Am I the last one to find this out? Did you know this, why didn’t you tell me? Don’t worry I’m not mad. But now that we both know lets make fun of it!

I don’t understand why you would want an airplane with Hello Kitty on the side. I don’t know if they know but I don’t think this is an area where little kids have any say with their parents. “Mommy, Daddy can we please go on the Hello Kitty airplane because I know what you really want is to be locked in a giant metal tube flying through the air at 300 mph with kids everywhere bouncing off the walls, right?

Well I guess if you think about it the market you’re excluding by making a Hello Kitty airline is much smaller than the people included like children, little girls, former little girls, and the plain ol girly.

So maybe I’m just being a stupid guy when the only market left out is men….. Maybe my feelings are hurt. Maybe by creating such a fun looking thing for everyone but the male market makes me feel left out a little. Maybe I think Marvel should start their own airlines. I would feel safe in the air if I were riding with Wolverine.

Dam you Hello Kitty for letting me know these things are possible.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

Anarchy In Mormon Utah

It finally happened and crazy has taken over Utah…. If you don’t count the whole starting your own religion, multiple wives, and knocking on everyones door until they go crazy. It seems the things children do can be in the news.

Here’s what happened, a 13 year old girl cut the hair of a 3 year old girl with dollar store scissors (so she’s mean and poor). To top it off this same 13 year old got in trouble for harassing a girl in Colorado over the phone.
The first thing I have to say is “Why the hell is this in the news!” Now that I got that off my chest, lets discuss this issue. If you live in Colorado and someone in Utah is harassing you, it better be because they have a car. Your getting harassed over the phone so much that you have to bring the law into it? Do you know how phones work? Cant you block the number or at the very least hang up? I can just see this girl with her phone on speaker and curled up on the floor in her room crying while insults hurl through the room. Or maybe the bullying came through Facebook because that’s where the tough people are hanging out these days. Facebook is the nemesis of all who are a little awkward on the internet.
Here’s a tip (that you should never ever actually do) for people getting bullied on Facebook- If there is someone getting on you really hard go to their facebook page and find their friends, pick one create a new profile with their name so this person can friend you. Then get their email address and bombard every inbox of this persons you can get with porn….. Problem solved.
I just thought I would share something that I found funny. More on how to solve your Bully problems later.
Source- Associated Press

Monday, June 25, 2012

Yo Mamma Jokes Suck

Anytime I’m trying to write something funny or even remotely funny the show Yo Mamma comes to mind (I’m not even sure if that’s how you spell it). I tried to like that show, I really did. There was 1 thing that determined the outcome of that show and that’s performance. Let me give you the 1 joke that ended my love affair with yo mamma jokes. The guy said, “Yo Mamma is so stupid she wears open toed Timbalands.”

Let me focus on the one part of that disaster of a yo mamma joke that realls disturbs me. This joke implies that stupid people wear open toed timbalands. Now a boot without a toe is a bit humorous but as a yo mamma joke, I mean was I the only person at home that that turned the tv off after that. My first question was What the hell does that even mean? I know what an open toed shoe is but why is that hilarious as a put down to someone.

The joke was bad enough but then the crowd reaction was even worse, I think I hate this joke because they loved it so much. Right after this turd of a joke left this guys mouth the crowd went wild. Luckily I had my DVR that way I could rewind it because I must have missed something. But sitting there on my couch I came to the realization it wasn’t the joke that got the praise but the performance of the joke.

Whats the point of a joke if all you have to do is do a little dance and all of a sudden a stupid joke becomes a good joke. This one little piece of tv has made me swear off of Yo Mamma jokes all together. Well, I not only stopped using them I loathe them now. Every yo mamma joke I hear now sounds like stupid open toed timbalands.

Ridicule, that’s where its at.

Saturday, June 23, 2012

New Podcast- Smells Like Crap Talkin- Episode 1- Smells Like Hate Mail

Whats up everybody! Today I present to you the new and Official podcast of Have you wondered what I sound like, well wonder no more.
This podcast is called Smells Like Crap Talkin, and todays episode is called Smells Like Hate Mail.  Today I go into a rant about the Hate mail that I recieved on Ebay of all places.  I talk a little about my self and some of my faults. I'll also tell you a little story about where the name Smelly Finger Tshirts comes from. 

Friday, June 22, 2012

Stinkin Monkies 5

Here is the new strip and the kids are getting into trouble like always.  I think Grampas teeth had it coming if you ask me.

Thursday, June 21, 2012

How Did Black Face Make Its Way On Dragon Ball Z

I was watching an episode of Dragon Ball Z, one of my favorite shows of all time, when I saw something that finally just made me ask, How does that happen? It was Mr. Popo (I think that’s spelled right) this guy is kind of just an extra type character but hangs out throughout the entire thing. This guy has been drawn with, what I think, a deliberate black face.

At first, when I would watch the show I would just think, “Holy crap, that guys really black!” Then you start to notice that there are no other black characters on the show. Everyone on the show comes from a planet, even earth is filled with earthly anthropomorphized cartoon characters like pigs and dogs. But this guy doesn’t look like anyone outside of a racist cartoon drawing. There are other characters with the same exaggerated lips and were different colors but to me it seemed more like an attempt at justifying drawing that one character the way they did.

So, my question is, How does this type of stuff end up on TV? This cartoon is an anime so it first got on tv in Japan, right? What do those people have against black people. I have never heard of negative stereotypes coming from Asians against black people, unless I am totally unaware of them.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

The Robot Apocalypse Cometh

I was reading Discovery News and to my horror I saw an article that read “Baby Robot Learns First Words.” Did we learn nothing from The Matrix, don’t teach it anything! We have all seen the walking and dancing robots and now a “baby” robot learns it first words, come on!

If you look at human development, first we develop individual parts while we’re in the womb, of course not one at a time but all together. This has been happening for years for robots with the invention of the computer. The computer is eventually going to be a fully developed brain for a robot but before that can happen the rest of the body needs to be built. All of the other body parts are being developed too as prosthetics and advancements in robot development. There are scientist working on the development of robot eye tracking and the Japanese are even doing their best to make them look as human and creepy as possible. Next thing you know they're coming back in time to become our governors. 

No matter how cool it seems even if they’re killing us in some movies you cant trust the robots. They always look cool in every movie like Terminator, The Matrix, Irobot, The Day The Earth Stood Still, and many others just like them but don’t trust it. I have recently come across an episode of The Outer Limits where a scientist mapped his sons brain after he died and put it into a robot. You wanna know how creepy a robot is that acts like a person, check this clip out and then ask yourself if advances in robotics are going to be our end or at the very least be really really creepy.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

Masturbation Sex Toy Mistaken For Rare Mushroom in China

A mushroom like object was found by local villagers in  Xi'an, Shaanxi, China who did not know what it was.  They gathered around and collectively assumed it was a mushroom.  As you can see they kept it in a bucket because that seems like the most reasonable thing to do with a giant mutaded mushroom thing, right? 

"Come on everyone get together, now we're gonna call the media and become rich and famous because of what we found"

This reminds me of that scene in Joe Dirt where he's eating off of the frozen poop rock.  There are lips on 1 side and a hole on the other to simulate a vagina and an anus.  Nobody in the village had ever seen anything like this.  So it stands to reason no one in the village has ever seen an anus or a vagina, lots of missionary with the blankets on to hide their shame where they come from.

I saw this and I had to share it.  This makes me want to go get one and carry it around in a bucket.

Monday, June 18, 2012

Single People Hate Your Kids- My First Animation

This is my first animation called Single People Hate Your Kids.   I used Anime Studio Debut 6 and it took me about 1 month to make this.  It took that long because I only worked on it in my spare time between writting a blog, drawing practice, making t-shirts, working on a podcast, and working on new designs for shirts.  It was a lot of fun to make but it takes way longer than you think it would take.  I'm hoping the next one will have audio.  There will be a post in the future to help anyone that would like to play around with Anime Studio Debut 6 (because its the only one I have).

Just so you know I dont hate kids but I cant stand those brat kids at the store that need to get jumpkicked. I dont think you should ever beat a kid but sometimes you cant help but fantasize about it while that dirty kid stares at you while he's throwing a fit on the dirty floor.   

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

What Kind of Pimple Are You?

Pimples can be the most harmless form of frustration. There are different levels of annoying for pimples just like people. Sure there are plenty of people that love you (I hope so) but for every person that likes you there is another that finds you annoying (I’m still looking for the people that like me). So what kind of annoying pimple are you? Are you the kind that doesn’t go away no matter how much you mess with it or the kind that takes a gentle nudge to explode. You tell me.

Lets take a look at the different kinds of pimples.

The Standard Pimple- the pimple everybody knows but seems to show up everywhere you don’t want it to the most.

The Face Pimple- The one that can destroy something beautiful just by hanging around.

The Butt Pimple- The pimple that just embarrasses the hell out of you and you never want to share it with your other friends

The Not Ready to Pop Pimple- the most persistent and never ready to go away until it wants to

The Itchy Pimple- The Pimple that disguises itself as a harmless itch only to reveal itself as something totally different

The Painful Pimple- This pimple is a pain to have no matter where it is

Acne- This pimple never goes anywhere without its friends

The Pop Mark- The one that your stuck with forever

So which pimple are you?

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Bad Days- When It Rains It Poors

What is it about a bad day that just makes you want to leave your crayons in the sun. Some people define a bad day by one thing that happens in their day that happens to be bad. I like to call those people the lucky people, most of us define a bad day more like the car salesman of bad days. The bad day just becomes so persistent at pushing you and poking you that it just drains everything out of you, like a car salesman.

Just in case you don’t know, I make shirts. That’s not a shameless plug, well it kind of is, but I don’t say that for nothing. My day started the way they have been lately, with a todo list. The first thing on this list was make some shirts, some orders had come in via eBay. That’s not a bad day, right, that’s a pretty good day when I make a little bit of money. So, there I go I make the shirts and get them ready to take to the post office, pretty good day so far. Time to go to the post office, I head down my street when I hear a noise sounds a bit like a crumple noise. I look around for a can, plastic bag, or a dead body or something but there is nothing around so I just shrug it off. I whistle my way all the way to the post office send my packages with no real big problems. Time to go home, right? Wrong.

I get to my car and I’m about to get in when a random car pulls up behind me, all that goes through my mind is “this is never good.”

The guy rolls down his window and yells “Hey, you have a flat!” My heart sinks to my feet and I can feel my ears get hot (that always happens when I get angry) while I wave thank you to the stranger as he drives off and offers no other help (I‘m not bitter at him just the situation).

“oh well, I gotta do what I gotta do.” I think to myself while walking to the trunk of the car. I open it to reveal about 4 years of procrastination. Every time I didn’t want to deal with something I would just put it in the trunk, that plus a sound system that I don’t even turn up anymore. I lift it all up and rest it on the back of my head and upper back so I can get to the hidden compartment where the spare tire is.

I pull the spare tire and jack out and then I look at the little caps on the lug nuts. Half of the little caps on them are broken leaving only enough plastic that I cant get a tool onto the lug nut. Now I have to improvise a way of taking these little caps off or I cant change the tire. I dig through the car that I never carry tools in and somehow dig out a flat head screwdriver that can be manipulated to get the caps off. Now I can finally get the car jacked up and the tire off. I used to work at a tire place so this isn’t so hard for me. So smooth sailing from here, right? Wrong.

I get the spare tire on and begin to let the car down and I’m watching the tire just in case it pops or… you know something bad happens. Then I notice that the tire on the spare begins to flatten out as I set the car down. I dig through the car for an air gauge, I find it and check the tire. I put it on the valve and nothing happens, I pull it back and try again and again nothing happens. At this point it has to be a broken tire gauge, I figure the tire has to have at least a little pressure, right? Wrong.

The spare has no air and I have no way of getting air to it myself. I call my family for help and it takes about another 45 minutes of waiting for them to get an air tank and fill it full of air. Finally then get back I air up my tire head home and try not to move for the rest of the day because I don’t want anything else to happen.

Maybe I’m just being sensitive but I think that’s enough things in a row to turn a perfectly good day into a bad day….. Right?

Monday, June 11, 2012

Machine Gun Preacher- a Quick Review

It doesn’t matter if you are Christian or not for this movie, all you need for this movie is a heart because your pulse is gonna race with the action and then break with the drama.

Just in case you don’t know (don’t worry I wont spoil it) this movie is exactly what it sounds like. A rough guy meets Jesus (not in the literal sense though, in the church sense) goes on some missionary type trip and it rocks his world. (See no spoilers).

This movie is a perfect balance of drama and action. I will tell you the coolest scene, Gerard Butler is standing in the middle of the road while a truck approaches….. I want to keep going but I’ll stop there, you gotta see what happens after that. Its pretty intense.

As far as the movie goes, we all know Gerard Butler has the acting chops to pull off anything from the Phantom of the Opera to 300. The reality of the movie will move you to tears and then make you feel like crap for having it so good.

You might ask yourself after watching the movie if what he is doing is right, but if it was your family what lengths would you go to?   

I give it 5 Smelly Fingers

Saturday, June 9, 2012

Pitbull We Miss You - F**K Rap Your Listening To A Businessman

Ever since I heard Damn It Man I have been a huge fan of Pitbull buying everything I could get my hands on to support someone that was fast becoming an inspiration in my life. But recently all that has changed, Pitbull has gone from being an everyman hustler to some kind of cartoon character that produces crappy dance music that doesn’t really take much talent to make. Your original fans miss you Pit.

I sit here listening to his early stuff and its not the being gangster that makes it cool. Pitbull is one of the best latino rappers since Big Pun (RIP). I love everything that Pitbull stands for. Hustler, Family Man, all around workaholic. He was a rapper that didn’t go gangster, he didn’t try to appeal to the middle class by dressing like someone from the Cosby Show. Pitbull was simply himself, a man from Miami.

During an interview Pitbull mentioned that he didn’t wear jewelry because he figured why spend $100,000 on a chain that isn’t gonna do anything when he could buy real estate and that could make him another $100,000 and maybe then he might consider getting a chain. When a poor kid is bombarded with mainstream hip hop images of glitz and glamour and jewelry then a single voice reaches above them and says I’m about my business and my family. Its so inspirational.

I grew up around workaholics and the image hip hop portrays is a lazy way to get rich. Pitbull told the truth when he talks about staying on his grind and even in interviews talks about working your way to the top. But my favorite lyric is when he says “F**K rap your listening to a Businessman.”

I still love Pitbull and I hope he takes his fame as far as he can but his Mixtapes are his best music.

Friday, June 8, 2012

The Hate Mail Has Landed- Part 2 Is This Racist?

This is the next part of the blog just before this one. The Reason I wanted to write this one is to ask one question, Take a look at the picture in the window right there, Is that picture racist? I was asking myself that question when I first made the design and before I posted it.

I originally posted that picture on eBay with the best of intent only trying to be funny, maybe a little offensive but not racist offensive. Then something happened that calmed all my worries, it started to sell and became one of my best shirts. I concluded that it must be funny and not racist because there are a few people that wanted it and liked it enough to spend money on it…. Right?

The only reason I don’t mind being called a racist bastard is because its not true. What did this guy think that he was going to hurt my feelings. As a matter of fact I’m going to print out his email and frame it on my wall. Most people frame their first dollar, not me, I’m going to frame my first legit Hate Mail. Its going to push me to make even more offensive stuff and even be more offensive…. But not in a racist way.

I guess you cant control the way people interpret your jokes.

Leave a comment and let me know what you think.

Thursday, June 7, 2012

The Hate Mail Has Landed

As you can tell by looking at this blog page, I sell shirts. Specifically I sell shirts on Ebay. Its a lot of fun to do too, and pajamas all day aren’t bad either. I like to do my thing as best I can, if you follow my twitter account you already know I like or try to be funny. But a joke doesn’t always come off the way it should, sometimes people just don’t get it.

It finally happened, I knew it would one day but I thought it would have happened a long time ago. The dreaded HATE MAIL. I wish it bothered me more than it does but I cant get mad because I can understand where he’s coming from. But at the same time I was outraged. As a little treat (because we’re such good friends) I’m going to show you what the email said. This is a direct quote.

“It's America and freedom of speech exists. So I'm gonna use mine to to call you a racist bastard for promoting the klan.”

When I first read this I was about to get really upset but then I thought about it for a second. The whole point of comedy is to create an emotional reaction in the listener or reader in this instance. This guy got so angry at my little design he flew off the handle and sent me an email. That doesn’t seem like much until you realize how much effort it takes to come up with the right words that are going to evoke an emotional response while at the same time show how angry you are and how little you have to do that day.

I mean come on, he could have tried a little harder. That hate mail could have been sent to me in a tweet, if your going to hate me its going to take a lot more than that to rattle me.

There is going to be a part 2 of this but for now I gotta say I’M NOT RACIST YOU STUPID (insert racial slur that applies)!!