Why Is It So Hard To Find A Good Big And Tall Shirt

I’m a fat dude (no need to beat around the bush) and it is so hard to find a good t-shirt that I really like.  I used to go hunting for t-shirt treasure but store after store of nothing.  Even the stores that did have something in my size it was never something I wanted.  Outside of licensed stuff like comic book characters and cartoons it was so hard to find something unique that I really liked.  The problem with most plus size shirts is that there is a limited amount of the stuff so all the big people are all dressed the same. Nobody wants to dress the same especially us fat people, we would all just end up looking like Comic Con just let out for lunch and the sweatier you are the faster they let you back in.  I’ve had it happen to me and I gotta tell you I hate seeing another fat person wearing the same shirt because then everybody just assumes you guys are friends.

Most of the big shirts you find are so uninspired but even if you go on the internet most people don’t have the right sizes. It was one of the most aggravating things to me is having to find a fun or cool shirt in my size that just might be, God forbid, unique too.  So I did something about it.

I went looking for shirts that I liked which was just the first step in a whole process which is more than just a shirt that fits. Its not that hard to find a shirt that fits but its hard to find a shirt that fits and you like it.  I have shirts from the big and tall store but the neck is huge and just drapes like a blanket, its almost like they closed up a snuggie and called it a t-shirt.  That’s drives me crazy because then the wind becomes your arch nemesis.  Every time the wind blows it blows your shirt as if it was Marilyn Monroe’s dress over a vent and you’re standing there trying to hold it down  while simultaneously telling yourself that there is nothing weird about this. No Thank You! I wanted a shirt with a tighter neck and a thicker feel, something I generally just wanted. The size was an issue too, I wear a 5xlt and that is a hard size to find that a manufacturer just didn’t give up on.

After that the next step was putting something funny on the shirt that made it stand out from the crowd.  The internet has a ton of people with websites selling shirts with heat transfers and other things from great shirts to pieces of crap.  Screen printed shirts last the longest, all of the screen printed shirts I own the image has outlasted the shirt everytime.  Even the image or design is usually not that unique because if you notice most of the most popular designs you will find are all just copies of each other.  I get tired of seeing the same things over and over and over. I would much rather take a risk at coming up with my own funny designs and risk that some of them may not be funny or some of them may be over the line but I can sleep at night knowing that they are my jokes and my drawings. 

Finding a good plus size shirt is so hard to find that is why I took it upon myself to make the exact thing that I wanted to wear.  A shirt I enjoy the way it was made and the quality of it along with my own screen printed joke design that makes the exact statement that I have always wanted to make for myself.  Supplying people with the weirdest jokes that I can come up with on the best shirts I can find are exactly the way I want to contribute to making the world a better place. 

That is why Smelly Finger T-shirts is here to fit your needs because big shirts are hard to find, so why not make people laugh and/or feel awkward just for the fun of it.

find it here at smellyfingertshirts.com

The Pizza Hut Doritos Crust- Best Thing Ever Or Destruction Of The World?

Maybe its because I’ve never been to New York but I love Pizza Hut pizza.  It does everything I need pizza to do, it tastes good, it makes me feel full and good, they support the Ninja Turtles and above all the other reasons it helps keep my feelings at bay.  Pizza Hut has done some amazing things with pizza like finding a way to inject more cheese into the crust.  Doritos have also done amazing things with chips when they introduced the world to the cool ranch Dorito.  But this unholy alliance can only wreak havoc on this planet which is why they are testing their unholy offspring in Australia known as the dorito crust.

On the bright side the combination of Pizza Hut and Doritos are being kept in Australia for the time being and not being unleashed on the world.  Logically there isn’t much difference to eating a slice of pizza with some chips and eating this unholy abomination of delicious ingredients.  It’s a lot like a plastic container and a microwave, there is nothing wrong with either of them but if you put a plastic container in a microwave the combination could kill you… eventually.  Just the thought of this thing makes me feel uneasy, like someone is trying to set me up for some kind of prank.

I would almost think that feeding your child this kind of thing could be seen as abuse.  Why not just put everything in a blender and let your kid eat his obesity thru a straw and suck down they calories, why waste any calories chewing because he’s gonna need those calories to develop diabetes. It’s a horrible horrible idea.

So keep your eyes open and mouths closed everybody, don’t be fooled by this demonic pizza!

We Are Just Big Cell Phone Cases Now

I miss the days when technology wasn’t such a big part of our lives outside of tv and the remote control (spoken like a real old man, right).  I don’t mean that like the way an old man means that kind of thing, I only mean that in the way our cell phones have become our brains.  We no longer need to think because “theres an app for that” but that isn’t even what I’m complaining about this time. What I’m complaining about is a little piece of fashion that I ran across while surfing the net, it’s a jacket brought to us by our friends at Tommy Hilfiger that is supposed to charge your phone because it has solar panels on the back.

It is a neat idea the way a computer than can learn is a neat idea or like unicorns are a neat idea.  First of all it looks like something from Back To The Future 2 when shoes tightened themselves up, you wanna know why that was never invented because its useless. Shoes that tighten themselves is a neat idea but I have hands, on the other hand fat people would buy the hell out of some shoes that tighten themselves.  A solar panel sown onto clothes is a horrible solution to a minimal problem.  You can either buy this jacket or you can just remember to charge your cell phone.  None of us are really that busy, are we?  Its just weird to me to put so much emphasis on your cell phone that it even dictates your fashion choices like what matches my cell phone, what goes best with my cell phone.  Maybe this is about more than just cell phones and one day we can be our own power source to charge our cell phones, ipods, ipads, kindles, laptops, net books, ds, 3ds, psp, and Bluetooth headphones like a human power strip.

Wearing solar panels just seems dumb, I, as a person am more than a cell phone case. Why not just make something that can charge from body heat then I can just plug my cell into my bellybutton. 

Smellyfingertshirts.com- The New Website Is Up

Well ive been working on it for a while but the official website for Smelly Finger Tshirts is finally up.   I am so excited about finally having it live, its still a bit of a work in progress but its totally functional.  If you are unfamiliar with Smelly Finger Tshirts or even if you are super familiar with us I invite you to head on over to smellyfingertshirts.com and take a tour of our new digs. 

I print all the shirts myself and I use great quality t-shirts and inks.  I have a blast designing the shirts and printing them, I never even thought I would ever be the guy that enjoyed his work.  But I do, it makes me feel good to know that I am making people smile or feel uncomfortable all over the world (I’ll take what I can get).

The reason I started making shirts is because first I love wearing weird and funny shirts but whenever I would go try and buy some they never had my size or I felt like the joke had been on a thousand other shirts.  I wanted something that was unique and funny with a slight offensive edge to it not some rip off of a rip off of a rip off (you get the point).  So I taught myself how to screen print on demand instead of having to create a huge inventory of untested shirts. 

I’m still figuring it out and doing it all myself so I need your help to get the word out (especially since I don’t know anything about internet marketing)!

Pointy Mexican Boots Are Destroying America

I would like to put Mexican pointy boots in the same category as skinny jeans because I think they are both hilarious.  I cant do that.  The problem with skinny jeans is that I know many people that wear them and they are very cool people. Whenever I make jokes about skinny jeans they always point them out to me and we both laugh, that’s happened many times.  On the other hand I have never met a guy or girl wearing pointy Mexican boots that has ever even had a chuckle near me. 

I don’t understand this freakin style and it drives me crazy because it is socially unacceptable to go up to them to point and laugh.  It looks like a person with extremely large feet slammed into a wall at an extremely high speed and it bent his feet up. Then another person saw this persons new feet and thought, “I bet he doesn’t stub his toe on anything” and then he stole his shoes. And finally he got his newly stolen bent up shoes home, he made sure that no one else was home put one boot in the middle of the floor, double checked no one was home, took his pants off and then sat on the point of the boot.  That is the only logical reason I can come up with that a regular human being of sound mind and body would buy this ridiculous clown shoe, to placate some kind of weird anal fixation.

There are only two reasons to even wear boots, 1^st to ride horses and 2^nd because you have a job or living situation that brings danger to the lower parts of your legs. Like working in some kind of empty field where you could get bitten by a snake or spider.  Other than those 2 reasons there is no reason outside of vanity that you would wear boots.  And I am man enough to admit though that there are people that grow up out in the country and they still live on farms and ranches and just wear that clothes as a lifestyle, I understand that. 

This  pointy shoe doesn’t make any sense to me and gives me the urge to play horseshoes with their feet.

Two Movies You Gotta See On Netflix If You Love Cartoons- I Know That Voice, In A World

If you’re anything like me the world of voice over is fascinating in its mystery.  I know almost nothing about it but I do know that I love cartoons and one of my dreams is being a cartoon.  On top of that I think everyone at some point has been told “you should do cartoons because that’s a really funny voice you do.”   That is one of the most infuriating things to be told because that’s what I would love to do and if it was that easy I would already be doing it.  But thanks to these movies there has been a tiny light shone on this industry so at least if you’re looking to get in you’re not just bumping around in the dark.

In my opinion you should watch “I know that voice” first because it gets you familiar with the business of voice over.  This movie brings out some of the (in my opinion) coolest of the cool in the voice over industry.  The only way it could have been cooler is of Mel Blanc (you know the voice of bugs bunny) himself would have been in it. I Know That Voice takes you thru the process of recording a voice and shows you the hidden art of coming up with a voice. I really thought that part was cool because in real life the voice you have is just the voice you have but when creating a character you have to take into account the type of person they are the things that they like to do and their personality (its too cool finding out how John Dimaggio came up with the voice of Bender from Futurama). 

Once you’ve watched this movie you can now comfortably watch “In A World” because you are no longer in the dark.  This movie follows the lead character struggle in the voice over world as a woman.  The movie takes place in the voice over world but the premise of the movie indicated by the title is the movie makers want to revive the trailer “In a world” voice over thing.  The usual guys throw their hats in the ring for it but now there is this woman that has a shot at it and it infuriates the contenders.  It’s a very interesting view of the voice over world and a very awesome movie.

Have You Heard About This Movie- As Dreamers Do

I’m always on the lookout for a new inspirational movie. When I say inspirational I mean inspirational to me as an artist or businessman.  I’m always on the look out and good movies are few and far between but I ran across another I cant wait to see but seems like its not getting too much exposure.  It’s a little indy movie called As Dreamers Do.

This movie is about the early days of Walt Disney. It seems to be about everything before going to Hollywood.  It shows him in his early days as a kid drawing and dreaming. The movie seems like a really sweet inspiring story and there is nothing I love more than an well done indy movie.  My favorite part of the trailer is when he is sitting at his drawing table feeding a mouse and he says "You know, since we're newly acquainted friends I should probably tell you, ima change the world. It all starts right here."

The trailer in itself is inspiring, I haven’t seen the movie yet but I’m planning on it.  So if you have seen this movie let me know what you thought in the comments.

Netflix Comedians- Trevor Noah

I love searching for new comedians on Netflix because Netflix has fully embraced stand up comedy more than most with the exception of Comedy Central. Netflix is putting out comedy by some favorites like Todd Glass, John Mulaney, and even Bill Burrs last special came out on Netflix first and his new special is set to drop in December on Netflix.  On stand up comedy alone its totally worth the money but Netflix is not why I decided to do this post, I decided to do this post because I wanted to let people know about a comedian I had never heard of until I saw him on Netflix by the name of Trevor Noah.

When you talk about a black comic you think of comics like Tracy Morgan, Chris Rock, and Eddie Murphy.  But I think this guy is in a weirder category like Hannibal Buress, he’s not a Def Jam comic he is just a comic doing his own thing. Trevor Noah is South African, his comedy and accent definitely reflect that.  He comes to America with an outsiders perspective about what it means to be American and black and African American in modern day America.  His observations on the everyday things the Americans take for granted are sharp and hilarious.

His special, available on Netflix, African  American is an hour of some of the best comedy today.  I believe that this kind of smart comedy is a nice break from some of the mind numbing silliness.  Even as cool as this special and comedian are they are made all the cooler with the accent.  So when you get a chance check it out and enjoy some cool smart comedy.

Stinkin Monkees 15- Easy Go

Here we have our hero thinking he has a girlfriend but as soon as he turns around to meet his friends shes gone.  How many of us can relate to this kind of thing, sure you probably didnt lose a girlfriend in the blink of and eye or even so fast that she left a cloud of dust but maybe you thought you had something you really didnt have in a relationship. The poor guy was probably so in love he couldnt see the forrest for the trees.  All I know is I can relate to that last panel. That one hurts!

The Movie I Can’t Wait To See – Dear White People

Holy crap I was just cruising Hulu when I found this, the title grabbed me and I had to watch the trailer.  The first trailer has a group of young “African American” (I put quotes because I hate adding something to American just to describe a slight aesthetic difference, don’t forget I’m “Mexican American”) standing in front of the box office at the theater drilling the poor guy about why every black character in movies is some sort of a cliché.  The movie appears to be a comedy because as we all know, you cant just come right out and say the things you want to but when put into joke form you can say almost anything you want.

The movie seems to take place on a college campus, the only place a conversation like this could even take place without old people talking about the “good old days.”  Even the material is comedic in nature the questions being asked are the right questions that need to be asked.  This movie seems to have the classics in it like, “racism is over.” 

The second trailer is much longer and more in depth about the movie.  The lead is female and black with a radio show.  It seems to be a movie where the overzealous meet the way too relaxed to create the racism spectrum of the movie.  Its making fun of the subject because the subject is not even really allowed to be a subject.  I agree that we have come a long way in race relations in America but we are at a breaking point and this is how the conversation gets started. 

I recommend this movie because I’m gonna watch it even if it doesn’t come to my racist redneck sister humpin town.

Theatrical release is 10-17-14