Top 5 Things To Buy Youself For Valentines Day To Make Other People Feel Weird

Its that time of the year again when all the couples in your life become the most annoying that they can be.  For single people Valentines day is more than just a loneliness reminder is a cultural finger wagging in your face telling you that everything that you’re doing is wrong.  I have to say it, I hate Valentines Day! The day drives me up the wall not because of what people say but because of what they don’t say.  When people ask what you’re gonna do for Valentines Day and you respond with nothing, that’s when the questions come. Questions like “why aren’t you going to do anything? Do you have a girlfriend? Why don’t you go get one?”  Ugh, it’s a choice not an accident (do all lonely people tell themselves that?).

But if you don’t want to get left out of the festivities or at least just make fun of all the “happy” people I’ve got some ideas for you. Here is my top 5 list of things to buy yourself to make your nearby  VD ers jealous or just feel weird.  That’s what I’m gonna call people that celebrate Valentines Day… VD ers.

5. Flowers

This one is always fun for yourself. Choose a single person you know with an extensive dating history and send them a bouquet of flowers.  Sound too normal? Make sure the card says “see you real soon. From You Know Who.”  The key to this one is never letting them know it was you.

4. A Cheap Fake Diamond

Buy a cheap fake diamond ring and tie it to a string and leave it on the floor and see if you can lead someone around for a while and then tell them you were kidding and you cant wait for your second date. Creepy but funny.

3. Underwear Tears  

This one isn’t really buying anything for yourself but you should go to a highly populated store and then go to a VD underwear display and start crying.  When people ask why you’re crying tell them a close relative died on Valentines Day performing a sex act.  Feel free to choose any relative but I would go with someone I don’t like very much just in case your words make it happen. Lol.

2. The Windowless Van

Rent or borrow a windowless van and just drive around hitting on girls.  No one in their right mind would get into a windowless van but maybe VD will be different.

1. Sex Toy

Having a sex toy delivered to yourself at work from a “secret admirer.” Make sure its really big and floppy so you can run around the office accusing people of sending it to you while you shake it in their faces.