I was recently enlightened to the notion that I exude a sense of low self-esteem. Crap. Or is it by design?
Most people think that the thing to strive for is happiness but that seems false to me because happiness and high self-esteem are fleeting. Nothing goes away faster than happiness but sadness and low self-esteem can last forever. I say “low self-esteem” but how I define it is just a critical introspection and a harsh self-awareness of ones own flaws. Is that low self-esteem or just critical self-awareness? The key to appearing confident with all this low self-esteem is to make peace with all your own flaws.
I don’t think that self esteem is linear but circular. If you took a line and put high self-esteem on one end and low self-esteem on the other end then took that line and bent it into a circle you would have the circle of self esteem. If you notice that high and low self esteem are right next to each other, meaning that if you aren’t paying attention they look the same. And there it is, that’s how low self esteem makes you look confident.
Its not just regular low self esteem either, anyone can mope around feeling gloomy, its gotta be really low to the point that you have stopped caring about self esteem all together. Low self esteem stops being a fault and becomes a virtue when you let go of all the pretentions that come with feeling sorry for yourself and when you really stop caring what others think. Lots of things change when this happens like you will stop walking around with your head down because you don’t care who’s looking at you, you dress the way you really want to because nobody cares what you’re clothes looks like. When you’re self esteem is low enough, you realize that you’re bulletproof because there is nothing anyone can do or say to hurt your feelings. You don’t walk around with a false confidence that high self esteem brings but with real confidence because you’ve accepted who you really are and you don’t care if anyone accepts it or not. Now that you know the secret, enjoy.
Is that what happiness feels like, or contentment? Don’t ask me, it’s all low self-esteem to me.
…I just want to add something real quick. Who the hell has high self-esteem? I want to know who these deluded people are. Am I the only one that thinks that the proper human response to life is constant self-examination with almost a paranoid preoccupation with a fear of being part of the problem. If a few more people were like that the world might be a better place or they might even think twice before doing harm to others. I don’t understand high self-esteem because it seems like a blindness to the animal we all are inside. Some of us keep a hyper vigilance on the animal inside so we can keep it at bay but maybe this is just the animal lashing out.
Maybe… this is just me exuding low self esteem again.