Monday, February 18, 2013
What Did You Get For Valentines Day.... Meteors!
The planet almost got hit with an asteroid after valentines day. How perfect would that have been for all the people that already hate that holiday. Just a bunch of wondering in love buffoons staring each other in the eyes the night before waking up in regret, only to find they spent the rent money on some overpriced unappreciated gift that’s going to end up in a drawer anyway. As all the regret and universal loneliness sets in, a rock come hurling from deep space right at your apartment and destroys the world. The perfect end to the perfect holiday….. As long as you’re single.
When I first heard of these rocks I really started hoping that the Mayans were just a few months off. I look forward to the end of the world not because I’m a fundamentalist or anything, if anything I’m a bad christian for wanting to see people get hit with a big rock (fingers crossed), but because an asteroid is the only thing that is anti-everything. No matter how much you hate stuff you don’t want to destroy it yourself but an asteroid will destroy people that don’t believe in global warming and the green movement, it will destroy Christians muslims and atheists…..perfect. It’s the only fair thing left in the universe.
Seeing people get hit with a rock must be how the people in the middle east feel, that must be why they keep chunking rocks at each other. For a single person on valentines day an asteroid hitting the earth would just be another day of misery. If you‘re in a relationship an asteroid hitting the earth means God feels like cashing in your “till death do you part” chips in early…. Lucky you. Don’t get me wrong if I were in a relationship I would still be miserable its just that an asteroid on valentines day would be the best gift, really.