Life Is A Math Problem

I have been thinking about life a lot lately, it happens every now and then. Nobody ever tells you what your supposed to do or why your supposed to do it. Your expected to know how to do it and the truth is nobody really does. But like all problems I think they can be related to math on some level. So here is what I have been thinking about, Life is a math problem. Its really simple but it pretty much comes out to A+B=C, obviously those are all variables but I want to try to make some sense out of it.

A= you
That is the first variable and the last variable should be pretty easy to come up with.
C= the goal in your life
The last variable is the end result you want out of life, like becoming a mechanic, nurse, or old.
B= all the work you will have to do to become what ever it is you want to become
This seems pretty self explanatory but in this equation A+B should equal C.

The problem with this equation is that there are 2 variables and neither can be defined if C is not defined. In short if you don’t know what your goal is in life living it is gonna be really hard. Many people fall into life and stumble across B long before A and never really know what C is. Most of the people that get somewhere in life get there because they had a destination in mind. All you need is A and C after that B will reveal itself.

Action Figure Silent Movies- Episode 1

Well, heres the first hopefully in a long line of stop motion animations.  I hope you enjoy it! Leave comments with what you think of it. 

Episode 1- Feeling Frisky
Looks like Prime has a hard time getting dates.

A Little Story About A Boy Called Nancy- Part 2

Now that Nancys father is gone what o what will they do? There was a knock at the door, “O Joy” Nancys mother cheered, “Emily is here.” Emily was a sister in law but she was no regular sister in law, Emily had a heart of gold. Nancys mother and Emily sat on the couch and talk for hours and hours, Emily listened to all of their problems. “What o what will we do, Emily” Nancys mother asked, “my parents are old and can only take care of themselves, we are a burden on them.”

Emily had an idea and it was a doozy, “Why don’t you get a job?” Emily asked. Nancys mother had not even thought about it because she liked to blame all her problems on other people. “I will baby sit for you while your at work” Emily explained “I have to stay home with my baby anyway I can take care of yours too.” This was not good news for Nancys mother because she would miss all her shows and be tired a lot.

“Okay, that’s what I’ll do.” Nancys mother said with hesitation.

The first day Nancys mother went to Emilys house and knocked on the door, Emily opened the door but she was not alone. A little boy with only a pamper on and nice head of combed hair peeked out from behind Emilys dress. Emily took Nancy in her arms and brought him into her home, Emilys son did not know why there was a baby interfering with his mommy time but he was happy to have a new friend.

It was lunchtime and Emily loved to feed people so much her husband had grown a nice little tummy that Emilys son loved to jump on. Emily began to feed Nancy but Nancy was now about 18 months old and he still loved throwing fits. Nancy screamed and yelled no matter how delicious the food was, he was so much trouble for Emily but she never ran out of patience with him. He didn’t like when he wasn’t the center of attention so he became jealous of Emilys son for getting some of Emilys attention. Emilys son still wanted to be friends with Nancy but Nancy only wanted his toys. Emilys son was not as patient as Emily because Nancy tried and tried to steal toys him but he would always get caught. Emilys son did not like Nancy at all because he was kleptomaniac.

“Stop” Emilys son would yell but Nancy would not. This went on for months but Nancy only cared about taking his toys so Emilys son began to stand up for himself. The last day Nancy tried to take a Chuck Norris action figure that Emilys son love more than any of his other toys so Emilys son did what Chuck Norris would do, he snatched the toy out of Nancys pocket and pushed him down and Yelled “NO!!” as loud as he could. Nancy fell to the floor and began to cry and throw a fit but Nancy never tried to steal from Emilys son again.

Stay tuned for more about A Boy Called Nancy

How To Talk Your Way Out Of Any Situation

The first rule of getting out of a bad situation is staying out of a bad situation. Other than that your probably going to need to learn how to talk to people. I was fortunate in being the youngest in my family, I saw what my bother and sister did wrong and I learned from it. The things that I learned were very useful in manipulating my parents into getting what I wanted. There are many ways of doing this, there is guilt, positive reinforcement, pushing, threats, identifying, and just plain being funny. There are more but you get the point. Here’s how I like to do it.

Identifying is my absolute favorite coupled with being funny. Now that never worked with the parents but it works wonders on past bosses and cops. When you get down to it bosses and cops are the hardest audiences because if they don’t like you, well , your just screwed. Everybody hates work even if you love your job your tired at the end of the day, so that’s always a good one to use with the cops. When it comes to a boss or someone else your just gonna have to fish around for something you have in common or use the job or whatever place you happen to be. This is how a usual traffic stop works with me:


Cop- license and registration
Me- there you go
Cop- do you know why I pulled you over?
Me- No sir (the key is to not appear worried at this point)
Cop- Your registration sticker is out of date (I was rollin 2 years without updating because I’m a rebel)
Me- what sticker? (always act like you don’t know what he’s talking about)
Cop- this sticker right here is from 2 years ago (get close to the sticker like you have bad eyes)
Me- are you serious? (once again act like you just found out)
Me- I’ll take care of that after work, I’m already running late…(a little guilt sprinkled in with some you know whats that’s like right? It also helps to keep messing with your hair and forehead to imply worry about work and a ticket)
Cop- well, I’ll go ahead and let you off with a warning (I always take that serious because I’m not gonna take a chance if this guys has a great memory)
Me- thank you so much officer, can I get a note for work… haha just kidding (its stupid but It hopefully makes him laugh, it lets him know you’re a nice person and he did a good thing… maybe he‘ll do it more)

That is how I deal with cops, usually helps but stay tuned for more tips.

Well, Hi There

I just wanted to take today to say to my readers, Thank You very much for reading my blog. I appreciate each and every person that reads what I write. If you enjoy the blog check out the Smelly Finger Tshirt store by clicking one of the links on this page. If you ever want to say whats up or even drop an idea for a tweet, blog, or even a shirt don’t hesitate to drop me an tweet or a comment either on my blog or on Ebay. Hope to hear from you guys soon….. Peace out.

Willy

A Little Story About A Boy Called Nancy

Once upon a time there was a boy who was the first born of his family. His parents looked at him and they were full of pride and astonishment that their genetic material could come together and make a somewhat normal looking person. The father was so full of pride he decided to give his new son his name, which made the new baby a JR but they called him Nancy because everyone thought he was a girl. Soon the happy family went home and began their new life together.

As Nancy grew in months his father also grew tired of Nancy. The new baby smell had worn off and Nancys cries began to weigh on his father, so his father sought comfort at the rooster fights. Oh how Nancys father loved the rooster fights, like gladiators roosters would fight to the death for the entertainment of the poorly educated onlookers. Nancys father would stand there waving his betting ticket in the air with excitement as he watched his rooster of choice lose every time. Just like Nancy the rooster fights also began to lose their luster but only when he would lose most of his money, so in an attempt to raise his own spirits he went to the bar. The bar was a magical for Nancys father because the more his button up shirt was open, exposing his thick and coarse chest hair, the more the skanky women loved him. He would even put on a gold chain so the skanks could be mesmerized by the amount of money his chest hair possessed. Late one night Nancys father came stumbling in the house with his shirt open so much it was only held on by his belt, like a hula skirt.

“Where have you been?” Nancys mother exclaimed
“Hey…..HEY!!! He protested pulling a stray thick and curly hair from his mouth.
“Is that what I think it is? That is so gross!” she muttered.
“You know what this is…..?” He paused to try to think up a lie but the alcohol had already destroyed the only good brain cells that could make good decisions. “this” he motioned to the hair “this is an outrage, your not God!!”

Frustrated, Nancys mother went to their bedroom and opened the window so the man she was with could leave and then she grabbed her Rainbow Bright backpack and filled it with her clothes. She put on her matching Rainbow Bright shoes and threw Nancy over her shoulder. On her way out she stopped and glared at Nancys father for a second then stormed out of the house, got in her car and left. She quickly returned home, they lived in her parents house so she handed the Rainbow Bright backpack and keys to the car to him and told him to leave. All she had left was her baby and a closet full of Nancys fathers clothes.

Stay tuned for more about A Boy Called Nancy.

Cartooning Example

This is not an original drawing.  I am drawing this for my nephew because he asked me for a bumblebee like he was handing out homework.  I'm happy to draw it for him.  I wanted to take the chance to show this drawing because its just a simple line drawing at this point.  I did not come up with this pose this is drawn form a picture I found on the internet. 

For anyone who has been reading my cartooning articles, notice all the lines.  All drawings can be broken down to simple shapes and lines.  I wanted to use this Bumblebee to show that.  Robots are a great example of shapes coming together to make a figure.

Check it out, examine it, and break it down. Happy cartooning!!

What’s In A Name- Sentinel Prime ?

"What's in a name? That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet." -Shakespeare

I got to see the movie Transformers 3 Dark of the Moon yesterday, was it a cool movie, yes it was. I went into this movie with the hopes that someone awesome would show up that I didn’t know about. It happened, at the very beginning of the movie they show a quick shot of a red guy with a beard and I think, “No way I had no idea Alpha Trion was gonna be in this movie!” I was wrong Alpha Trion was not in the movie they decided to change his name to Sentinel Prime. This irked me for 2 reasons, first Sentinel Prime is a character from the animated cartoon, second this character already has a name and its Alpha Trion. I know this is a nerd concern and I don’t like to nit pick movies but COME ON Michael Bay, have a little creative respect for the fans.

I did love all the little shout outs to the old cartoon. The way the ship was crashed into the moon looked exactly like the way the ship was stuck in the mountain in the original series. Those ships they used at the end of the movie looked like Scattershot from the Technobots. But I thought the coolest one was the space ship that looked like Omega Supreme, I was sitting there with my fingers crossed that it would transform but I forgot that Michael bay HATES ME!!

All in all the movie was decent but it wasn’t mind blowing like it should have been.

Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I hate it when I’m talking to someone and then I don’t get to say or don’t think to say what it is I really want to say. I’m sure its not just me, smooth talkin some hottie and then you somehow manage to get your size 12 foot to fit right in your mouth, you coulda got her number. Maybe that’s not the problem maybe the problem is your buddy is really sensitive but he smells like pickles. You want to tell him he smells like pickles but you don’t because your probably going to hurt his feelings, you shoulda told him. If you cant relate to either of those examples then you must be the one that sees an opportunity and doesn’t take it. There is nothing sadder than the woulda, it still makes angry to think of all the wouldas in my life. In the spirit of the trifecta of the would, coulda, shoulda I would like to share a few thoughts that I have always wanted to say but all names shall be removed, I’ll let you guess what the context of each can be.
“dude your earwax is so bad its coming out of your ear….. I’m looking right at it.”
“nobody believes you had sex with anyone because you always smell like poop”
“holy crap, now heres a guy that doesn’t have a mirror at home”
“I’m not hungry anymore because I had to sit here looking at your face, what was I thinking”
“why do these guys keep talking about the size of their penis”
“damn you, that chin up counted you smelly pecker”
“that is an ugly baby but what else can you make with those genetics”
“I’m gonna tell these parents I’m a sex offender just so they don’t leave their kid with me”
“I wonder if she can tell I look at her boobs every time she looks away”
“I bet he has herpes”
“oh no he’s gonna give her herpes”
“is it just me or do strippers love dollar bills like Klondike bars”
“peeing on myself could be worse oh wait theres a puddle”

Hall Pass - Review

Today, this is gonna be short and sweet. Today I saw a movie called Hall Pass. This movie is supposed to be a comedy, it has its funny moments but I would put this movie in a section called “ha ha we fooled you thanks for the money.” I don’t like to give negative reviews to movies but it has been a real long time since a movie has angered me so much. It seems like this movie was written by a man hater who doesn’t understand how evolution ever took place without a woman overseeing everything. Don’t get me wrong I am very equal opportunity I believe women are just as stupid as men, on the flip side I also believe that men are just as smart as women and I cant stand it when people imply otherwise. This movie craps all over men but not just being dumb, I know we’re dumb, but being weak. This seemed like a personal attack so here is what I think.

There is a scene in this movie where the men just got caught doing something stupid and are now sitting in the back seat while the mother figures sit in the front seats and stop on the side of the road and begin to yell at their child like husbands. I will try to be clear on my opinion about this, any woman that treats their husband like this, regardless if he deserves it, just needs to get divorced. There is never a reason to talk down to anyone, I mean come on who do you think you are. Now to the man who lets his woman talk to him like this, you need to pick up your skirt grab your balls and start acting like a man. A man doesn’t need to talk down to a woman to be a man but if he gets talked down to like a child you don’t get to call yourself a man.

After the guys get their Hall Pass they try to go out and get chicks and obviously don’t know where to go to find a chick to sleep with, what the hell. These guys are so pathetic they go to Applebees to look for girls, which is funny, but what guy in their right mind would ever do that if he actually wanted to sleep with someone. I understand that the theme of this movie is for the guys to realize that they really don’t want to sleep with someone else but it also has almost nothing to do with love. Its more like not wanting to ruin something that has been built. A real man never gives up this much power in a relationship, these guys have practically castrated themselves as an offering on the alter of their wives vagina. PATHETIC!!!

The greatest statement of prevention of any of this is something I heard a long time ago, the man said, “we have a deal, if she ever doesn’t want me around all she has to do is tell me and I will leave with just the clothes on my back.” That is a MAN.

I hated this movie it gets 1 smelly finger and I bet you can guess which finger it is!!!