Thoughts At A Birthday Party

Just recently I went to a childs birthday party which was a bit of a challenge for me because of how socially awkward I can be. The day overall was pretty good but this party just happened to have all the things I’m not comfortable with like kids and adults. The worst thing is that there was one person in particular that had a personal space issue, maybe because she had so many kids ( I guess you lose a sense of personal space when that many people pass through your vagina). I went to this party with my sister and what were supposed to be my niece and nephew but they went out of town (not by themselves) , so we went to a childs birthday party without any children. Do you know what that’s like for me, well you’re going to find out.

The day started off weird because my sister told me to be ready by 10 am and when I woke up at 9:30 I had my first thought of the day, “Dam, 10 is a little too early for a birthday party unless it’s a surprise” but I got ready anyway. On the way to where the party was I was informed that the party didn’t start until 1 pm, at that moment I felt like a puppy being driven away from its owners staring out of the back window thinking about waking up at 12:30. But who cares I’m awake now I thought to myself lets make the best of it. So I was as much help as I usually am, none. Its not that I didn’t want to help but its more like I was using all my concentration not to fart all over this nice persons couch.

Then people started showing up, the dread set in. In walked this little kid with a black eye and he wouldn’t stop looking at me. To my surprise even little kids have the ability to make me self conscious because I immediately started to think, “do I have something on my face. I didn’t eat breakfast today so its not that, maybe its booger or an eye booger. Why does that kid have a black eye? Does he want me to get up? You cant have my spot kid, it already smells like me. I’ve been here since 10 we’re gonna fist fight if you wanna take this seat. Maybe he’s a good fighter and that’s where he got the black eye.” That mental onslaught of thought ended as soon as another kid walked in.

The next kid that walked in came in in a parade of other children, they all seemed to be the same shade of Mexican so I assumed they were siblings. But there was one stand out, this child (I say child because it took me while to figure out if it was a boy or a girl) walked in with what looked to be an American flag draped over it like a weirdly patriotic pancho and a mohawk (my first instinct was to go mosh with it). The Star Spangled Banner started playing in my head and I wanted to stand up and salute it but then the black eye kid would probably take my seat and I would be taken in for child abuse after I sat on him.

This is the end of Part 1 but more to come tomorrow! Stay tuned!