Fortune Cookies Suck

I went to each Chinese food today (because its awesome) and I was reminded of one of my greatest nemesis….. The fortune cookie. I wish fortune cookies were real and then they could hand them out before you sit down and then you might know if your going to have horrible service. The waiter we had sucked today but that has nothing to do with what I’m trying to say, maybe it does because he threw the cookie in our face before we were ready to leave. What a butt hole.

The fortune cookie is like the music during any award show, if you take too long, throw it out there and just watch the people get uncomfortable until they leave. Hey, waiter, does my fortune cookie have the name of a new restaurant that I can go eat at or do you wanna see how much its gonna tell me to tip you. I’ll give you a hint what its gonna tell me to tip you, its one of the digits from my lottery number on the back. I have always wondered if anyone uses that lottery number but I don’t play the lottery so its just one more thing the fortune cookie uses to mock me.

Then comes the fortune itself which for me is the worst part of the whole experience because I just sit there and watch everyone open their fortune cookie and be pleasantly surprised. When I open my fortune cookie it never says anything of any relevance to me and my life. Everyone else gets you’re going to make a business deal, or friends are in your future. The type of thing where you go “Oh I wonder who it will be.” Where as my fortune always reads something like “pants have pockets” or todays “fortune” was basically “hope helps.” Like it knew I was a sad person and this little piece of stupid paper is going to be the only thing that keeps me from going over the edge. Stupid fortune cookies.