Top 5 Questions To Ask A Porn Star

If you’re anything like me you are intrigued by the porn industry.  For an outsider there are so many unanswered questions. And I mean beyond the average questions like, “why do you do this” and “what do your parents think.”  The porn industry is much more interesting than that and I would like someone to shed a little light on it for me.  In a perfect world where I got to sit down with some porn stars and pick their brains, I would have them illuminate the weirdest parts of their job.  I’m not looking to judge anyone for what they do because when it comes down to it we all whore ourselves out, its just in different ways.  That’s why I’ve assembled a list of the top 5 questions I would love to ask a porn star if I ever got the chance.

#5- How often do you regret going into porn?

I don’t mean this in a judgmental way, I mean this the way I would mean this if I asked anyone with any regular job.  I used to hate myself everyday before work and on the way to work and on while I walked in to work and while I was sitting there.  It makes me wonder what goes thru a porn stars head while they are headed to work, stressed out and would rather not go in today.  I guess sometime they don’t enter work, work enter them. I made a joke

#4- What is your least favorite thing during a movie shoot?

Even for the most sexual actress there has got to be something they could do without.  I don’t care if it’s the craft services people asking them to put on pants before coming to the table or the shower afterwards, there has got to be something that drives them up the wall everytime they have to deal with it.  Regular actors talk about all the work it takes to do a movie, that means a porn has kind of got to be a bit more work right? I cant be the only one that wonders this.

#3- Whats the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done on set?

I know I’ve done some stupid stuff during work and I’ve got to wonder what is the embarrassing stuff that happens during a porn.  I once pooped during work and clogged the toilet in a public library so there has got to be some good stories on the set of a porno. Right?

#2-Would you ever attend your child’s career day if so what would you say?

Everyone has kids.  Career day is the day that gets kids exposed to everything that is possible for them to even dream about or just think about becoming.  I would love to watch a porn star, actor or actress, fumble while trying to explain to children what it is that they do. 

#1-If you could talk to your 10 year old self what do you think they would say?

I could only imagine what a 10 year old would have to say to a porn star after you just told them what it is a porn star is, now imagine that 10 year old is talking to themselves after getting out of a time machine.  What would you say to yourself and what would your 10 year old self say. Would past you be disappointed in future porn you?  I would love to talk to my 10 year old self but the conversation would pale in comparison to that of a porn stars.

Those are my top 5 questions, let me know what yours would be.

Thoughts At A Birthday Party

Just recently I went to a childs birthday party which was a bit of a challenge for me because of how socially awkward I can be. The day overall was pretty good but this party just happened to have all the things I’m not comfortable with like kids and adults. The worst thing is that there was one person in particular that had a personal space issue, maybe because she had so many kids ( I guess you lose a sense of personal space when that many people pass through your vagina). I went to this party with my sister and what were supposed to be my niece and nephew but they went out of town (not by themselves) , so we went to a childs birthday party without any children. Do you know what that’s like for me, well you’re going to find out.

The day started off weird because my sister told me to be ready by 10 am and when I woke up at 9:30 I had my first thought of the day, “Dam, 10 is a little too early for a birthday party unless it’s a surprise” but I got ready anyway. On the way to where the party was I was informed that the party didn’t start until 1 pm, at that moment I felt like a puppy being driven away from its owners staring out of the back window thinking about waking up at 12:30. But who cares I’m awake now I thought to myself lets make the best of it. So I was as much help as I usually am, none. Its not that I didn’t want to help but its more like I was using all my concentration not to fart all over this nice persons couch.

Then people started showing up, the dread set in. In walked this little kid with a black eye and he wouldn’t stop looking at me. To my surprise even little kids have the ability to make me self conscious because I immediately started to think, “do I have something on my face. I didn’t eat breakfast today so its not that, maybe its booger or an eye booger. Why does that kid have a black eye? Does he want me to get up? You cant have my spot kid, it already smells like me. I’ve been here since 10 we’re gonna fist fight if you wanna take this seat. Maybe he’s a good fighter and that’s where he got the black eye.” That mental onslaught of thought ended as soon as another kid walked in.

The next kid that walked in came in in a parade of other children, they all seemed to be the same shade of Mexican so I assumed they were siblings. But there was one stand out, this child (I say child because it took me while to figure out if it was a boy or a girl) walked in with what looked to be an American flag draped over it like a weirdly patriotic pancho and a mohawk (my first instinct was to go mosh with it). The Star Spangled Banner started playing in my head and I wanted to stand up and salute it but then the black eye kid would probably take my seat and I would be taken in for child abuse after I sat on him.

This is the end of Part 1 but more to come tomorrow! Stay tuned!

Single People Hate Your Kids- My First Animation

This is my first animation called Single People Hate Your Kids.   I used Anime Studio Debut 6 and it took me about 1 month to make this.  It took that long because I only worked on it in my spare time between writting a blog, drawing practice, making t-shirts, working on a podcast, and working on new designs for shirts.  It was a lot of fun to make but it takes way longer than you think it would take.  I'm hoping the next one will have audio.  There will be a post in the future to help anyone that would like to play around with Anime Studio Debut 6 (because its the only one I have).

Just so you know I dont hate kids but I cant stand those brat kids at the store that need to get jumpkicked. I dont think you should ever beat a kid but sometimes you cant help but fantasize about it while that dirty kid stares at you while he's throwing a fit on the dirty floor.   

Why Is Having Kids A Good Idea?

I have never understood why having kids is a good idea. I don’t mean the act of making the kids, that just kind of its own reward. I mean like those people on TV that Pride themselves on creating a herd of children. Maybe its just me but the creation of children seems like the most self centered thing you can do. Its like thinking your so great there just has to be more of you. At the core of every person that has children by choice must believe this on some level. I have been trying to figure this one out for years now, it leaves me speechless but out of courtesy I still say congratulations whenever someone tells me that they’re pregnant without tears in their eyes.

I believe the coming water shortage is directly connected to children, or more specifically the amount of people on the earth. Its simple, people are made of water and the more people you have the less water is going to be available. See, kids are making me thirsty and my lawn ugly. I don’t think we should take it out on kids but on the parents of kids that don’t contribute to society. If your kid becomes a stripper then you should get punched in the face and be given all the diseases your stripper kid has. If your kid becomes a teacher then that’s when the government should give you a bit of a kickback for making the world a better place. But if your kid becomes a criminal, then you both get the death penalty for wasting so much precious water.

I always thought I didn’t like kids until one day when I saw a rowdy kid get slapped. I thought it would satisfy me but the thing I learned is that I don’t dislike kids I dislike stupid adults that feel the need to reproduce.