Top 5 Questions To Ask A Porn Star

If you’re anything like me you are intrigued by the porn industry.  For an outsider there are so many unanswered questions. And I mean beyond the average questions like, “why do you do this” and “what do your parents think.”  The porn industry is much more interesting than that and I would like someone to shed a little light on it for me.  In a perfect world where I got to sit down with some porn stars and pick their brains, I would have them illuminate the weirdest parts of their job.  I’m not looking to judge anyone for what they do because when it comes down to it we all whore ourselves out, its just in different ways.  That’s why I’ve assembled a list of the top 5 questions I would love to ask a porn star if I ever got the chance.

#5- How often do you regret going into porn?

I don’t mean this in a judgmental way, I mean this the way I would mean this if I asked anyone with any regular job.  I used to hate myself everyday before work and on the way to work and on while I walked in to work and while I was sitting there.  It makes me wonder what goes thru a porn stars head while they are headed to work, stressed out and would rather not go in today.  I guess sometime they don’t enter work, work enter them. I made a joke

#4- What is your least favorite thing during a movie shoot?

Even for the most sexual actress there has got to be something they could do without.  I don’t care if it’s the craft services people asking them to put on pants before coming to the table or the shower afterwards, there has got to be something that drives them up the wall everytime they have to deal with it.  Regular actors talk about all the work it takes to do a movie, that means a porn has kind of got to be a bit more work right? I cant be the only one that wonders this.

#3- Whats the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever done on set?

I know I’ve done some stupid stuff during work and I’ve got to wonder what is the embarrassing stuff that happens during a porn.  I once pooped during work and clogged the toilet in a public library so there has got to be some good stories on the set of a porno. Right?

#2-Would you ever attend your child’s career day if so what would you say?

Everyone has kids.  Career day is the day that gets kids exposed to everything that is possible for them to even dream about or just think about becoming.  I would love to watch a porn star, actor or actress, fumble while trying to explain to children what it is that they do. 

#1-If you could talk to your 10 year old self what do you think they would say?

I could only imagine what a 10 year old would have to say to a porn star after you just told them what it is a porn star is, now imagine that 10 year old is talking to themselves after getting out of a time machine.  What would you say to yourself and what would your 10 year old self say. Would past you be disappointed in future porn you?  I would love to talk to my 10 year old self but the conversation would pale in comparison to that of a porn stars.

Those are my top 5 questions, let me know what yours would be.

Top 5 Things To Buy Youself For Valentines Day To Make Other People Feel Weird

Its that time of the year again when all the couples in your life become the most annoying that they can be.  For single people Valentines day is more than just a loneliness reminder is a cultural finger wagging in your face telling you that everything that you’re doing is wrong.  I have to say it, I hate Valentines Day! The day drives me up the wall not because of what people say but because of what they don’t say.  When people ask what you’re gonna do for Valentines Day and you respond with nothing, that’s when the questions come. Questions like “why aren’t you going to do anything? Do you have a girlfriend? Why don’t you go get one?”  Ugh, it’s a choice not an accident (do all lonely people tell themselves that?).

But if you don’t want to get left out of the festivities or at least just make fun of all the “happy” people I’ve got some ideas for you. Here is my top 5 list of things to buy yourself to make your nearby  VD ers jealous or just feel weird.  That’s what I’m gonna call people that celebrate Valentines Day… VD ers.

5. Flowers

This one is always fun for yourself. Choose a single person you know with an extensive dating history and send them a bouquet of flowers.  Sound too normal? Make sure the card says “see you real soon. From You Know Who.”  The key to this one is never letting them know it was you.

4. A Cheap Fake Diamond

Buy a cheap fake diamond ring and tie it to a string and leave it on the floor and see if you can lead someone around for a while and then tell them you were kidding and you cant wait for your second date. Creepy but funny.

3. Underwear Tears  

This one isn’t really buying anything for yourself but you should go to a highly populated store and then go to a VD underwear display and start crying.  When people ask why you’re crying tell them a close relative died on Valentines Day performing a sex act.  Feel free to choose any relative but I would go with someone I don’t like very much just in case your words make it happen. Lol.

2. The Windowless Van

Rent or borrow a windowless van and just drive around hitting on girls.  No one in their right mind would get into a windowless van but maybe VD will be different.

1. Sex Toy

Having a sex toy delivered to yourself at work from a “secret admirer.” Make sure its really big and floppy so you can run around the office accusing people of sending it to you while you shake it in their faces.