Thoughts At A Birthday Party- Pt 2- Lets Get This Party Started

The person throwing the party had rented a video game trailer, I know and yes it was awesome. But they set up chairs outside of the trailer so the adults could sit down and play games, sounds like fun right? Well, lets not forget that I live in Texas, its summer time, and I have what some doctors would call a weight problem (I guess that depends on how you define “problem”). Have you ever broken a chair, I have (sad face) and now you see my problem. I don’t want to sit in these chairs unless they’re made out of oak or steel. This isn’t for any shame reason, like all my justifications, its for practical reasons. If I break this chair I don’t care that people will point and laugh, I’m actually afraid of the chair breaking and one leg left pointing up and stabbing me in the heart like a vampire…. So its not that I don’t want to be made fun of its more like I don’t sit in chairs because I don’t want to die a horrible and gruesome death.

So me and my sister are sitting there playing Mario on the Wii and 2 little kids gather around us. One is just a young Mexican kid and the other looks like a chubby version of Benjamin Button. I say this because he looked like a 35 year old crunched into a 13 year olds body. This kid had a receding hair line that was freaking me out from the moment I saw him. I just looked at him and thought, “your kidding right, no kids have hair like that. That poor kid he’s gonna get made fun of all his life. I kinda wanna make fun of him real hard right now. Isnt he a little old to be a this birthday party. I guess I’m a little old to be at this party and we both have receding hair lines so I guess I cant pass judgment.” It was about this time that one of us made a mistake on Mario (it was probably because I couldn’t concentrate with Captain Hairline right behind me) and this chubby adult posing as a kid started making fun of us. But it wasn’t even in a funny way it was in that nerd, he put his hand over his mouth chuckling and repeating oh I cant believe you missed that while walking in circles. I don’t know where you come from but if you’re gonna talk crap to me and you don’t know me your going to get 1 of 2 things, I’m going to slaughter you with insults until you start crying or punch you in the chest. But I don’t think the judge would take kindly to me saying “well he was being a dick and he looks like he’s in his 30’s, that should count for something, right?”

That’s when I knew it was time to go inside and treat those slices of pizza like my emotions and just eat em.

Stay tuned for more Thoughts at a birthday party!