Why Is Having Kids A Good Idea?

I have never understood why having kids is a good idea. I don’t mean the act of making the kids, that just kind of its own reward. I mean like those people on TV that Pride themselves on creating a herd of children. Maybe its just me but the creation of children seems like the most self centered thing you can do. Its like thinking your so great there just has to be more of you. At the core of every person that has children by choice must believe this on some level. I have been trying to figure this one out for years now, it leaves me speechless but out of courtesy I still say congratulations whenever someone tells me that they’re pregnant without tears in their eyes.

I believe the coming water shortage is directly connected to children, or more specifically the amount of people on the earth. Its simple, people are made of water and the more people you have the less water is going to be available. See, kids are making me thirsty and my lawn ugly. I don’t think we should take it out on kids but on the parents of kids that don’t contribute to society. If your kid becomes a stripper then you should get punched in the face and be given all the diseases your stripper kid has. If your kid becomes a teacher then that’s when the government should give you a bit of a kickback for making the world a better place. But if your kid becomes a criminal, then you both get the death penalty for wasting so much precious water.

I always thought I didn’t like kids until one day when I saw a rowdy kid get slapped. I thought it would satisfy me but the thing I learned is that I don’t dislike kids I dislike stupid adults that feel the need to reproduce.

It Takes Money To Make Money- How I Hate You, Phrase

I take offense to this. It is as dismissive as it is true. Sure it does take money to make money but that also dismisses the idea that you can be creative enough to come up with a system to literally make something out of nothing. I have always hated that phrase because one of my favorite things is to come up with creative solutions to problems. I don’t try to think different than other people, as I found out when I was a kid, I just think different than other people.

It is true that you need money to make money but it seems like a phrase made to discourage the small hustler that only has creativity as an asset. A good designer sometimes will only need a piece of paper and a pencil to get started, and you can borrow those. I don’t like to dismiss the creative because its easy to dismiss anyone as crazy but you need to look at what makes them crazy. Its hard to anticipate anything if it’s new.

My favorite context of this phrase is always from the unbelievers. The people that think money, not action, are what make things happen. It becomes a catch all phrase to discourage someone that has the courage and balls to act and not just accept his circumstances in life.

Starting out broke might take longer but its always worth it in the end…. I hope.

Somebody Jacked Up My MailBox

I went outside my house the other day and found my mailbox open, crunched on one side and tilted to the left. I was home all day and I didn’t hear anything. This frustrates the hell out of me, no one elses mailbox was jacked up. It just reminded me how much my neighbors suck and how much I want a natural disaster to hit their houses only.

I mean honestly if your going to be a drug dealer at least be a little considerate to the people that don’t turn you in. They just sit outside on their porch as people pull up and pull away. I hope they make meth because I want that house to burn down. Sadly I don’t think that’s the case, I would be happy with spontaneous human combustion. Just the thought of SHC makes me smile a little.

I even tried to fix it but the door just hangs there like a boob that has never seen a bra in its life. It just hung there so sad ripped off one of the hinges like a baby torn from its mother arms. It angers me but what can you do except set up a camera but I’m not gonna do that….yet.

Why Do You Think I’m Gay, Netflix?

I have recently subscribed to Netflix and I got to say its awesome. I have been streaming movies on my Xbox 360, which is the only thing I’ve really used it for because of my anger management issues when it come to playing video games, and they don’t have the latest stuff but they have movies you might have never heard of that are some of the best movies you have ever seen. I have to confess one day I just sat there with my bag of Cheetos and just let Netflix please my eyes and ear holes. That’s when I started to notice not only is Netflix my new Bestie but its suggest movies that I might like. My inner child was so happy to finally have a friend that understood me.

Time and time again Netflix proved itself as the only one that could nurture my inner child. Then it happened, the Gay and Lesbian Movies title appeared on my list. “What the hell Netflix, I thought you understood me.” My best friend had now just implied that I might be gay, that’s an accusation that our friendship just might not be able to survive. But Netflix hasn’t been wrong so far, is there a possibility that Netflix might be right again? Then I finally watched Black Snake Moan, Christina Ricci boobs answered that question fast, Netflix was wrong.

So why did Netflix make that suggestion after all, I think I finally know. I had watched about 3 movies with where the subjects were gay, seems like I should have know but I didn’t…. I’ll explain. Chasing Amy is a Kevin Smith movie that I had never seen, I love Kevin Smith movies. Howl is a movie about the trial and a graphic depiction of the poem written by Allen Ginsberg, didn’t know that guy was gay. Fall From Grace is a documentary about the Westboro Baptist Church and it turns out they hate the gays. So Netflix didn’t think I was gay, Netflix just thinks that gay people are fascinating. Netflix you might be right about that…. Netflix you wily bastard.

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road? Because I’m Back

In my opinion he must have had a blog to do. Damn, never thought it would be so hard to come up with something almost every day. I would like to apologize to anyone who read this thing on a regular basis but I got burned out, Hard. The good news is that it gave me lots of time to think, so…. I’m Back. The blog may not be updated every day but it will be updated 3 to 4 times a week. Strap on your seatbelts because this is going to be a strange and somewhat disturbing ride at times…… take a ride with Mr. Willy on the Smelly Finger Van and most importantly, don’t tell your parents!!

Life Is A Math Problem

I have been thinking about life a lot lately, it happens every now and then. Nobody ever tells you what your supposed to do or why your supposed to do it. Your expected to know how to do it and the truth is nobody really does. But like all problems I think they can be related to math on some level. So here is what I have been thinking about, Life is a math problem. Its really simple but it pretty much comes out to A+B=C, obviously those are all variables but I want to try to make some sense out of it.

A= you
That is the first variable and the last variable should be pretty easy to come up with.
C= the goal in your life
The last variable is the end result you want out of life, like becoming a mechanic, nurse, or old.
B= all the work you will have to do to become what ever it is you want to become
This seems pretty self explanatory but in this equation A+B should equal C.

The problem with this equation is that there are 2 variables and neither can be defined if C is not defined. In short if you don’t know what your goal is in life living it is gonna be really hard. Many people fall into life and stumble across B long before A and never really know what C is. Most of the people that get somewhere in life get there because they had a destination in mind. All you need is A and C after that B will reveal itself.

Action Figure Silent Movies- Episode 1

Well, heres the first hopefully in a long line of stop motion animations.  I hope you enjoy it! Leave comments with what you think of it. 

Episode 1- Feeling Frisky
Looks like Prime has a hard time getting dates.

A Little Story About A Boy Called Nancy- Part 2

Now that Nancys father is gone what o what will they do? There was a knock at the door, “O Joy” Nancys mother cheered, “Emily is here.” Emily was a sister in law but she was no regular sister in law, Emily had a heart of gold. Nancys mother and Emily sat on the couch and talk for hours and hours, Emily listened to all of their problems. “What o what will we do, Emily” Nancys mother asked, “my parents are old and can only take care of themselves, we are a burden on them.”

Emily had an idea and it was a doozy, “Why don’t you get a job?” Emily asked. Nancys mother had not even thought about it because she liked to blame all her problems on other people. “I will baby sit for you while your at work” Emily explained “I have to stay home with my baby anyway I can take care of yours too.” This was not good news for Nancys mother because she would miss all her shows and be tired a lot.

“Okay, that’s what I’ll do.” Nancys mother said with hesitation.

The first day Nancys mother went to Emilys house and knocked on the door, Emily opened the door but she was not alone. A little boy with only a pamper on and nice head of combed hair peeked out from behind Emilys dress. Emily took Nancy in her arms and brought him into her home, Emilys son did not know why there was a baby interfering with his mommy time but he was happy to have a new friend.

It was lunchtime and Emily loved to feed people so much her husband had grown a nice little tummy that Emilys son loved to jump on. Emily began to feed Nancy but Nancy was now about 18 months old and he still loved throwing fits. Nancy screamed and yelled no matter how delicious the food was, he was so much trouble for Emily but she never ran out of patience with him. He didn’t like when he wasn’t the center of attention so he became jealous of Emilys son for getting some of Emilys attention. Emilys son still wanted to be friends with Nancy but Nancy only wanted his toys. Emilys son was not as patient as Emily because Nancy tried and tried to steal toys him but he would always get caught. Emilys son did not like Nancy at all because he was kleptomaniac.

“Stop” Emilys son would yell but Nancy would not. This went on for months but Nancy only cared about taking his toys so Emilys son began to stand up for himself. The last day Nancy tried to take a Chuck Norris action figure that Emilys son love more than any of his other toys so Emilys son did what Chuck Norris would do, he snatched the toy out of Nancys pocket and pushed him down and Yelled “NO!!” as loud as he could. Nancy fell to the floor and began to cry and throw a fit but Nancy never tried to steal from Emilys son again.

Stay tuned for more about A Boy Called Nancy

How To Talk Your Way Out Of Any Situation

The first rule of getting out of a bad situation is staying out of a bad situation. Other than that your probably going to need to learn how to talk to people. I was fortunate in being the youngest in my family, I saw what my bother and sister did wrong and I learned from it. The things that I learned were very useful in manipulating my parents into getting what I wanted. There are many ways of doing this, there is guilt, positive reinforcement, pushing, threats, identifying, and just plain being funny. There are more but you get the point. Here’s how I like to do it.

Identifying is my absolute favorite coupled with being funny. Now that never worked with the parents but it works wonders on past bosses and cops. When you get down to it bosses and cops are the hardest audiences because if they don’t like you, well , your just screwed. Everybody hates work even if you love your job your tired at the end of the day, so that’s always a good one to use with the cops. When it comes to a boss or someone else your just gonna have to fish around for something you have in common or use the job or whatever place you happen to be. This is how a usual traffic stop works with me:


Cop- license and registration
Me- there you go
Cop- do you know why I pulled you over?
Me- No sir (the key is to not appear worried at this point)
Cop- Your registration sticker is out of date (I was rollin 2 years without updating because I’m a rebel)
Me- what sticker? (always act like you don’t know what he’s talking about)
Cop- this sticker right here is from 2 years ago (get close to the sticker like you have bad eyes)
Me- are you serious? (once again act like you just found out)
Me- I’ll take care of that after work, I’m already running late…(a little guilt sprinkled in with some you know whats that’s like right? It also helps to keep messing with your hair and forehead to imply worry about work and a ticket)
Cop- well, I’ll go ahead and let you off with a warning (I always take that serious because I’m not gonna take a chance if this guys has a great memory)
Me- thank you so much officer, can I get a note for work… haha just kidding (its stupid but It hopefully makes him laugh, it lets him know you’re a nice person and he did a good thing… maybe he‘ll do it more)

That is how I deal with cops, usually helps but stay tuned for more tips.

Well, Hi There

I just wanted to take today to say to my readers, Thank You very much for reading my blog. I appreciate each and every person that reads what I write. If you enjoy the blog check out the Smelly Finger Tshirt store by clicking one of the links on this page. If you ever want to say whats up or even drop an idea for a tweet, blog, or even a shirt don’t hesitate to drop me an tweet or a comment either on my blog or on Ebay. Hope to hear from you guys soon….. Peace out.

Willy