Real Men Drink Energy Drinks?

According to a study Red Bull (energy drinks) doesn’t give you wings it gives you balls. I must have missed this train, when the hell did drinking energy drinks start making everybody all manly. I had an energy drink once and it made me so jittery it look like I was pop locking everywhere I went. I don’t get it, I grew up with a dad that worked all the time and being tired was a sign that you did a hard day of work. I’ve even worked hard a little in my day (I know I cant believe it either) and it feels good to get home after a hard day of work, what the hell is all the energy for. Maybe the Mormons are right (theres something I never thought I would say) when you grow that dependent on a substance you can consider it a drug. So, when does drug use make you a man?

I know I’m going to sound like an old bastard with this but there is this image of a man that is being portrayed nowadays. When I was a kid it was the cigarette smoking cowboy and now it’s the axe smelling energy drinker. My first question is where did the cowboy go, at least they make good movies. But I understand it’s the same thing just with a different product. I blame MMA for this one, all mma fighters look like they smell like Axe body spray and stripper glitter. They may be sponsored by energy drinks but do you actually think when they’re training they actually drink that garbage, of course not. What is it about consuming concentrated amounts of caffeine and god knows what else that makes you a man.

Also according to the study, men that align themselves with other “manly” things are less likely to drink energy drinks, isn’t that weird. Are your balls so small that you have to hug the leg of a giant caffeine daddy just so you can feel like a man. Men that described themselves as “Jocks” or were members of fraternities were less likely to drink as many energy drinks. If somebody can help me figure this out because I don’t get it, we all self medicate but energy drinks help make you feel like a man because it comes in a cool can and is related to being cool, give me a break.

If you’re tired drink it, if you like the taste drink it, if you’re thirsty drink it but if you walk around with your chest puffed a little more (to be fair that might also be the super fast beating heart) because of an energy drink, put it down and reevaluate your life.

If your drinking Red Bull to be more manly remember Red Bull gives you wings!!!! (just not the kind you fly with)

What’s Wrong With Being Like Scrooge?

Howdy folks its been a while, I’ve been way busier than I thought I would be, but I had to do a post about this because (I know its late) this has been nagging at me for a little while. Tis the season or at least Tis the day after the season and I went to see a local play about scrooge. It was an adaptation called The Gospel According to Scrooge so keep in mind if the things that I say sound a little weird its because this play was a little different. But I have 1 question, what exactly was Scrooge doing that was so wrong that everybody had to come screw with him?

The entire story rides on the premise that scrooge was this dick of epic proportions when in reality he was just a workaholic that hated Christmas. Whats so wrong with that, there’s no rule that you have to love Christmas and even the bible says that one of the only joys a man can have is enjoying what he does. So whats the problem here? If I’m not mistaken in the story Scrooge is some kind of banker or lender, granted that these are some of the most heartless people in the world, but everybody hates him because he wants to do his business and not be messed with. Also it seems like a really small community and it seemed like everybody wanted to be his friend. Here again Scrooge seems like a bastard because he doesn’t want to be their friend but if you take a second look, Scrooges nephew is very poor and in need of lots of help for Timmy. Just a part of the story focuses on Scrooge failing his nephew (I’ll concede that Scrooge is a pecker of epic proportions and there is nothing I wouldn’t do for my niece and nephew) but with this great and super friendly community why don’t they get together and help out little Timmy. Because like Scrooge their money is their money.

All in all Scrooge seemed like a rich old bastard that just wanted to keep to himself because he had lead a pretty hard life. Life kept kicking this guy down until he buckled down and got to work and defeated life. Its easy if you’ve never been poor to look at this guy and say why wont he take a day off but when you’re poor nobody gives you any hand outs, I don’t care what the politicians say. He made it, he got rich but it seemed like life wasn’t done kicking him in the head. From a human perspective being a dick is bad but in reality some people are better off being left alone.

The real moral of this story is nobody wants to be your friend when you’re poor but everybody wants to be your friend when your rich. Is it just me or does this story not really jive with the American Dream?

New Podcast- Smells Like Crap Talkin- Episode 1- Smells Like Hate Mail

 

Whats up everybody! Today I present to you the new and Official podcast of Smellyfingertshirts.com. Have you wondered what I sound like, well wonder no more.

 

This podcast is called Smells Like Crap Talkin, and todays episode is called Smells Like Hate Mail.  Today I go into a rant about the Hate mail that I recieved on Ebay of all places.  I talk a little about my self and some of my faults. I'll also tell you a little story about where the name Smelly Finger Tshirts comes from. 

Rebecca Black Had It Right

For as horrible as Rebecca Blacks song “Friday” was, I think she had it right. Now I’m not saying it was a good song but the exact opposite. I think this song should be so horrible its enlightening. Modern pop music is such a horrible assembly line approach to music. All the way from people like Lady Gaga to Kanye West. When did mediocrity become art.

Lets take Lady Gaga, this lady is just a mix of Madonna from the 80’s and a bit of Christina Aguileras voice. There is nothing original about how “crazy” this lady is. Being eccentric is nothing new, especially in the music industry. But I have never heard little kids misuse the word “artist” so much as to when it comes to Lady Gaga. Don’t get me wrong I have much respect for anyone that has real talent but Lady Gagas look to music is just a rip off of what I saw when I was a kid, which I’m sure was a rip off too because when has the music industry ever had an original idea.

Kanye West is the best of the worst in my opinion. There is no one I loathe more in the music industry and I’m not even talking about the “look at me” antics that had to do with Taylor Swift. This guys whole gimmick is what is wrong with the world today. Nobody wants to put the work in to come up with something creative and new but rather literally take pieces of something good and old to make something bland out of it. Kanyes music is the equivalent to the Olive Garden, it looks like it should be good but it lacks any real flavor.

For all these reasons Rebecca Black is the pinnacle of modern pop music. Rebecca Black just brought to the forefront the small little thought in the back of your mind about all this music and that is, “ this sucks but its better than silence.” Rebecca Black just made it obvious with bad lyrics, a poor beat, and a weird face. She just brought the 3 strikes to the table where everyone else was skating by with 2.