Real Men Drink Energy Drinks?

According to a study Red Bull (energy drinks) doesn’t give you wings it gives you balls. I must have missed this train, when the hell did drinking energy drinks start making everybody all manly. I had an energy drink once and it made me so jittery it look like I was pop locking everywhere I went. I don’t get it, I grew up with a dad that worked all the time and being tired was a sign that you did a hard day of work. I’ve even worked hard a little in my day (I know I cant believe it either) and it feels good to get home after a hard day of work, what the hell is all the energy for. Maybe the Mormons are right (theres something I never thought I would say) when you grow that dependent on a substance you can consider it a drug. So, when does drug use make you a man?

I know I’m going to sound like an old bastard with this but there is this image of a man that is being portrayed nowadays. When I was a kid it was the cigarette smoking cowboy and now it’s the axe smelling energy drinker. My first question is where did the cowboy go, at least they make good movies. But I understand it’s the same thing just with a different product. I blame MMA for this one, all mma fighters look like they smell like Axe body spray and stripper glitter. They may be sponsored by energy drinks but do you actually think when they’re training they actually drink that garbage, of course not. What is it about consuming concentrated amounts of caffeine and god knows what else that makes you a man.

Also according to the study, men that align themselves with other “manly” things are less likely to drink energy drinks, isn’t that weird. Are your balls so small that you have to hug the leg of a giant caffeine daddy just so you can feel like a man. Men that described themselves as “Jocks” or were members of fraternities were less likely to drink as many energy drinks. If somebody can help me figure this out because I don’t get it, we all self medicate but energy drinks help make you feel like a man because it comes in a cool can and is related to being cool, give me a break.

If you’re tired drink it, if you like the taste drink it, if you’re thirsty drink it but if you walk around with your chest puffed a little more (to be fair that might also be the super fast beating heart) because of an energy drink, put it down and reevaluate your life.

If your drinking Red Bull to be more manly remember Red Bull gives you wings!!!! (just not the kind you fly with)