The Pizza Hut Doritos Crust- Best Thing Ever Or Destruction Of The World?

Maybe its because I’ve never been to New York but I love Pizza Hut pizza.  It does everything I need pizza to do, it tastes good, it makes me feel full and good, they support the Ninja Turtles and above all the other reasons it helps keep my feelings at bay.  Pizza Hut has done some amazing things with pizza like finding a way to inject more cheese into the crust.  Doritos have also done amazing things with chips when they introduced the world to the cool ranch Dorito.  But this unholy alliance can only wreak havoc on this planet which is why they are testing their unholy offspring in Australia known as the dorito crust.

On the bright side the combination of Pizza Hut and Doritos are being kept in Australia for the time being and not being unleashed on the world.  Logically there isn’t much difference to eating a slice of pizza with some chips and eating this unholy abomination of delicious ingredients.  It’s a lot like a plastic container and a microwave, there is nothing wrong with either of them but if you put a plastic container in a microwave the combination could kill you… eventually.  Just the thought of this thing makes me feel uneasy, like someone is trying to set me up for some kind of prank.

I would almost think that feeding your child this kind of thing could be seen as abuse.  Why not just put everything in a blender and let your kid eat his obesity thru a straw and suck down they calories, why waste any calories chewing because he’s gonna need those calories to develop diabetes. It’s a horrible horrible idea.

So keep your eyes open and mouths closed everybody, don’t be fooled by this demonic pizza!

We Are Just Big Cell Phone Cases Now

I miss the days when technology wasn’t such a big part of our lives outside of tv and the remote control (spoken like a real old man, right).  I don’t mean that like the way an old man means that kind of thing, I only mean that in the way our cell phones have become our brains.  We no longer need to think because “theres an app for that” but that isn’t even what I’m complaining about this time. What I’m complaining about is a little piece of fashion that I ran across while surfing the net, it’s a jacket brought to us by our friends at Tommy Hilfiger that is supposed to charge your phone because it has solar panels on the back.

It is a neat idea the way a computer than can learn is a neat idea or like unicorns are a neat idea.  First of all it looks like something from Back To The Future 2 when shoes tightened themselves up, you wanna know why that was never invented because its useless. Shoes that tighten themselves is a neat idea but I have hands, on the other hand fat people would buy the hell out of some shoes that tighten themselves.  A solar panel sown onto clothes is a horrible solution to a minimal problem.  You can either buy this jacket or you can just remember to charge your cell phone.  None of us are really that busy, are we?  Its just weird to me to put so much emphasis on your cell phone that it even dictates your fashion choices like what matches my cell phone, what goes best with my cell phone.  Maybe this is about more than just cell phones and one day we can be our own power source to charge our cell phones, ipods, ipads, kindles, laptops, net books, ds, 3ds, psp, and Bluetooth headphones like a human power strip.

Wearing solar panels just seems dumb, I, as a person am more than a cell phone case. Why not just make something that can charge from body heat then I can just plug my cell into my bellybutton. 

Who Cares About The Oscars?

Am I the only one that doesn’t care about the Oscars. I mean honestly who cares, there are way more important things going on in the world, I could tell you if I knew what they were. I watch tv and I love movies but really who cares about the people in them. The best part of the oscars is know that after they show telling people I don’t watch them leaves us with nothing to talk about. Good.

How the hell are there all these industries built around the lives of people that pretend to be other people for money. Hey I pretended to be a president all you guys should follow me around and pay attention to what kind of latte I buy.

All the celebrities look like they statues of the ancient greek gods. Maybe those were all the greek Oscars. They gave the Zeus to the best actor, best war movie gets the Ares and so on. I really hope the world ends soon because I’m afraid of what future societies will think of our culture. They paid no attention to social issues but they were glued to the Oscars. (in alien voice) the oscars were when they would take the best pretenders of the make believe stories that everybody thought they were good enough to be in, and put them all in a room and made sure all the men dressed exactly alike and the women would do their best to show off their reproductive organs while wearing the most fabric possible. Once they all get in one room they all look at the few of them that get a small golden carving of an ambiguous male likeness , all the while everyone who couldn’t get in beg, cry, fight, scorn and make fun of everyone inside trying to get in or in hopes of one day to get an invitation.

Sorry I’ll just watch something else. Who cares?

Does Ape “Genius” Mean The End Of Humanity?

Its finally happening, Discovery news reports that they have identified a way above average chimp named Natasha. This chimp has outperformed all the other chimps on the test they administered but it wasn’t enough that she did better than everyone else she nearly aced every test. My question is what does this mean to the rest of the world?

If you’re a christian watching a genius monkey what goes through your mind? Anyone on the side of evolution is gonna think, logically I might add, that these types of things happen in the small window of time we have in the larger platform of evolution where the major change happens. But I would assume the average homosexual hating christian is going to think about every decision that they have ever made leading them up to the point of blindly not believing in evolution, then they’ll drag their knuckles over to a local bingo barn where, they obviously think about all things of the universe, and talk to Bubba and Hoss about this chimp. After a few of the lords beers they will get a message from their “god” spelled out in the alphabet soup they just vomited up in the parking lot and decide to go kill the chimp. But then again I’m just guessing that’s what happens in the middle of the country. (don’t forget I’m a christian too, I just like making fun of the stupid ones)

I just wonder what this means on a grander human scale. If there is a genius chimp that exists there will be a time that the super genius monkey will exist and at the rate humanity is devolving maybe there needs to be a new animal at the top of the food chain. But like any good human will do, we will be sure to kill the rise of the super genius chimps to make sure they wont use up all “our” resources and take all the low level jobs that no one but illegal immigrants want because only then will the immigration debate end. We will band together as stupid people and once again try and stop something mother earth has put into motion to destroy us that we believe is the work of the devil! GO HUMANS!

Not Today 2012- Space Weather Forecast?

According to Wired.co.uk there is a new instrument that will help our ability in predicting Space Weather. I never knew that was a problem. Like everyone else I saw the movie Day After Tomorrow with Jake Gyllenhaal and 2012 with John Cusack so I am aware that space weather is a bit of an issue but then again these were just movies, right?

I’m not saying that any of that stuff doesn’t have a basis in reality and I’m not even saying that I don’t love the show Ancient Aliens. What I am saying is that if you know its coming that still isn’t gonna make me feel any better about it. I know we need to know things about stuff (that really sounds like an intelligent thing to say doesn’t it) but there are reasons we need to know. For example if there is a bomb coming and an alarm goes off that means “Hey everyone we figured out that there is something coming and you need to hide or it’s a guarantee you’ll get blown to smithereens!” That is where something like that will come in handy. But on the other hand if an alarm goes off and they send out the message “Hey everyone guess what we figured out? There is a solar storm coming and its going to obliterate the entire planet no matter where you’re hiding so pray to any deity you see fit or hope to meet and we’ll see you on the other side….. Bye!” That seems like the kind of message I would rather you keep to yourself.

I would like to watch the Space Weather Channel though. “Our seven day forecast is clear and dark with a wind gusts at 0 miles per hour, slight chance of meteor showers around Saturn on Tuesday, but we wont see it. There is a black hole developing 35 million light years from here, but we wont see it. And finally in 5 billion years the Sun will go Red giant but we wont see it. That’s right folks I get paid to say the same thing every Sunday, now I’m gonna go drink but you wont see it!” I would watch that!