Woulda Coulda Shoulda

I hate it when I’m talking to someone and then I don’t get to say or don’t think to say what it is I really want to say. I’m sure its not just me, smooth talkin some hottie and then you somehow manage to get your size 12 foot to fit right in your mouth, you coulda got her number. Maybe that’s not the problem maybe the problem is your buddy is really sensitive but he smells like pickles. You want to tell him he smells like pickles but you don’t because your probably going to hurt his feelings, you shoulda told him. If you cant relate to either of those examples then you must be the one that sees an opportunity and doesn’t take it. There is nothing sadder than the woulda, it still makes angry to think of all the wouldas in my life. In the spirit of the trifecta of the would, coulda, shoulda I would like to share a few thoughts that I have always wanted to say but all names shall be removed, I’ll let you guess what the context of each can be.
“dude your earwax is so bad its coming out of your ear….. I’m looking right at it.”
“nobody believes you had sex with anyone because you always smell like poop”
“holy crap, now heres a guy that doesn’t have a mirror at home”
“I’m not hungry anymore because I had to sit here looking at your face, what was I thinking”
“why do these guys keep talking about the size of their penis”
“damn you, that chin up counted you smelly pecker”
“that is an ugly baby but what else can you make with those genetics”
“I’m gonna tell these parents I’m a sex offender just so they don’t leave their kid with me”
“I wonder if she can tell I look at her boobs every time she looks away”
“I bet he has herpes”
“oh no he’s gonna give her herpes”
“is it just me or do strippers love dollar bills like Klondike bars”
“peeing on myself could be worse oh wait theres a puddle”